Fall in attraction; choose in love - Allegiant

Falling in love.

We all want it.  It might scare us, but our pulses beat a bit faster when we consider it happening to us.

But the word "fall" is problematic.

Falling is something happens to you.  You don't typically choose to fall.  We use this word with love because it is often surprising how we find ourselves attracted to someone of the opposite sex.

I, however, don't think we fall in love.  I think we "fall" in attraction and we choose to love.

Tris, in the Divergent series, has a longstanding relationship with Tobias.  In the 3rd book, Allegiant, they go through several major upheavals, and after one of them Tris says the following:

"I use to think that when people fell in love, they just landed where they landed, and they had no choice in the matter afterward.  And maybe that's true of beginnings, but it's not true of this, now.

"I fell in love with him.  But I don't stay with him by default as if there's no one else available to me.  I stay with him because I choose to, every day that I wake up, every day that we fight or lie to each other or disappoint each other.  I choose him over and over again, and he chooses me."

My wife and I often counsel dating and married couples.  I can tell you this: falling in love doesn't make relationships last.  But choosing that person again and again does.

On the flip side, you may end up dating someone that you "fell" into.  It's okay to recognize that, after a while, you may discover that you don't want to choose them anymore.  Don't be fooled by "but we fell in love."  If you discover that you don't work together well, or you are looking for something else, it's okay to let go.  Trust Your Shepherd to lead you.  You can find "true" love again.  True love, in reality, is the one you choose at an altar.