Too Pretty to be a Nun?

I remember how hard it was to be a teen who suddenly wanted to grow in my faith and yet found that the teen world around me wanted to go in nearly every direction except the one I was heading towards. 

It's fun to be a rebel, for sure, and I relished being a rebel for Jesus.  Still, it can be hard for a while to be different and have different priorities than the people all around you.

I read the following article randomly from Yahoo News and loved this girl's hunger to love her Savior and serve people and to fight against the streams of culture. 

My favorite line is where she states, "I crave a sisterhood centered on my deepest values, not a sorority based on booze and boys."  That is someone who has been touched by the Father's heart.

Here is the article.  It was originally published here. 

Too Pretty to Be a Nun?

by Angela Svec

When I tell people I'm going to be a nun, they are shocked. Their eyebrows shoot up, their jaws drop, their beers spill onto the bar.

"You're too normal to be a nun," they say.

"You're too smart."

"You're too pretty!"

This last one took me by the greatest surprise -- as if acne or a big nose is a prerequisite to being a nun.

My looks have even been addressed by the religious communities I've visited as I seek my spiritual home. Three different orders seized on my name, Angela, and took to calling me Angelina Jolie!

People are baffled that my exterior -- a 27-year-old who used to work at Clinique and peruses Pinterest for fashion inspiration -- could reflect an interior longing for consecrated life and its seemingly antiquated vows of celibacy, poverty and obedience.

Their questions have forced me to confront my self-image. Who do I see in the mirror? How do I appear in God's eyes? How does one affect the other?

When I lived with the Poor Clare nuns in Belleville, Ill., I discovered that their monastery has no mirrors. At first, it was a shock for this cosmetics junkie, but it became incredibly liberating. I felt free to be who God designed me to be and more fully attuned to the people around me. I could pour the energy I used to invest in my appearance -- fretting over the reflection in the mirror, trying to alter it -- into my spiritual life.

Now I am better prepared to respond when, invariably, someone quips that I'm too pretty for the convent. "Thank you!" I say. "But there is no mold. God calls everybody! It doesn't matter what you look like, where you're from or who you know."

I try to be gracious. I take such comments with a grain of salt, knowing it's more about them than me. And over time, I've come to appreciate the conversation starter, a chance to dispel stereotypes about nuns. That's why I'm grateful for the creation of National Catholic Sisters Week (March 8-14), an official addition to National Women's History Month. It serves a much-needed purpose, raising awareness and understanding of Catholic sisters.

Last March was the inaugural celebration of NCSW, and I joined a host of Catholic sisters and college women at St. Catherine University in St. Paul, Minn., for a special kick-off weekend. It was so encouraging to meet other young women who are discerning religious life -- 20-somethings who wear nose rings and Mary medals, who are bent on social justice and reality TV, who have crushes on Ryan Gosling and Pope Francis but ultimately hope to be the bride of Christ, offering all our 21st-century hang-ups and hopes at the altar.

There are 1,000 U.S. women in some stage of formation to become Catholic sisters. It's time to tell our stories!

I'll start. I was raised Catholic in a loving home in Belleville, Ill. I envisioned a white-picket-fence future of marriage and motherhood and even got engaged at one point. But I was always seeking something more. In many ways, my attraction to consecrated life is a reaction against the trappings of modern, secular life. I yearn for service and simple living. I crave a sisterhood centered on my deepest values, not a sorority based on boys and booze. I've had the privilege of visiting convents across the country looking for the right fit, and I meet with a spiritual director regularly to guide me as I determine my next step.

I may not look like a nun, but my heart is shaped for this vocation. I see religious life as an adventure that will exceed my wildest dreams.

Homecoming: I ordered my food, now what?

(I’m directing this to guys, but girls can use this one too)

So, she said yes.  You’re probably going to dinner some place.  What in the world do you talk about?  What if it goes silent?  This is a beautiful opportunity to learn an incredible skill.  It’s a skill that will win you friends (maybe even a girlfriend) and make you fun to be around, but will also give you a chance to really be helpful to people and be a better representative of your Savior.  It’s called Asking Questions.  

When Beth and I are driving over to someone’s house we often have this conversation: What should we ask them about?  We begin to process about what we’d like to learn about them, what kinds of things we’d like to talk about, or what shared interests to discuss.  Not only do we not have to worry about guessing while we’re there, but we also know that we’ll end up having meaningful conversations instead of just shooting the breeze about stupid stuff.  

So, before the big night, think about what you know about your date.  What is she interested in?  What does she do outside of school?  Make a mental plan to ask her about those things.  Just one thing can open up oodles of conversation to eat up the time between ordering your food and actually getting it.  

Example: she plays basketball.  What position do you usually play?  How did your team do last year?  Have you always liked basketball?  Are you going to try out this year?  Who’s the coach?  What do you like about it?  Who else is trying out?  Tell me your funniest basketball story.  Have you ever shot at the wrong basket? (I did :)  And so on.  Don’t ask them right after each other.  Hopefully, one or two questions and things will roll naturally.  And, hopefully…she’ll ask you questions too!

Be a Christian, break a law

What do both Jean Valjean and Tori Smith have in common?  They broke laws.  Valjean is the main character in Les Mis that we’re watching in class (or in the musical film that came out last at Christmas).  Tori Smith’s story was the article that some of you read in class about how she loved her husband after he lost his legs in Afghanistan serving in the military.

Valjean breaks the law left and right.  He doesn’t agree with Javert, the police authority, when he arrests Fantine.  He evades arrest when Valjean’s true identity is revealed.  He sneaks into the city of Paris and hides from the law.  The list could go on. 

When Tori’s husband is brought back in critical condition from Afghanistan and put in a hospital, she is told that she is not allowed to remain in the room.  She refuses to leave.  She breaks the laws of that hospital.

Why did they do these things?  Because they loved.  Valjean understood what it was like to be unfairly treated so he stood up and cared for Fantine.  His heart went out to the orphan Cosette so much that he evaded arrest in order to protect her.  Tori refused to follow hospital laws because love for her husband, and desire to be at his side at his toughest hour, was greater than her willingness to follow rules. 

I especially love Tori’s story because she breaks the social laws that we all feel.  You know the unwritten rules that people around us have.  Things that would have told someone like Tori: you deserve better.  Your husband can’t bring you happiness as a cripple.  It’s okay to move on.  All her actions cry out a decisive: NO!  I love him. 

I know all of you in your teen life feel these unwritten rules around you.  I feel them as an adult too.  But I want to choose love over ‘saving face.’  I know it’s hard and I don’t always come through either.  I remember when I was in high school that there were some people that I became friends with that weren’t the popular people.  The unwritten laws say, “Choose friends that get you places.”  But as God got ahold of my heart I wanted to love, to reach out to people who were open, people who were in touch with their needs.  So, I learned to love and ignore the rules of the ‘world’ around me. 

But let me say, there have been many times that I have not loved.  I admire my wife so much because she is so quick to reach out to people, even people she doesn’t know.  Doing that is often hard for me.  Sometimes I feel silly or weird, but she inspires me to push myself. 

So, let’s be social law breakers, eh?  Oddly enough there’s someone else who did this a whole lot.  It was a guy who lived in Galilee.  Law breakers are in good company.

I Don't Want to be Jesus

I was about eleven when I walked into a Kmart with my mom and committed my crime.  I saw it: a Transformer toy of a robot that changed into a cassette.   I tore it out of the package when my mom was in another aisle and shoved it into my pocket.  After we exited the store I convinced my mom that I found it near the parking lot.  Apparently, Transformers were worth breaking the law in my eleven-year-old mind!

I grew up playing with Transformers and watching the cartoon.  Robots that changed into everyday machines so they could disguise themselves were awesome!

I used to think God wanted us to be Transformers too.  Once He got ahold of our lives I was told He would transform me to be like Him.  People would say things like, “I don’t want people to see me; I want them to see Jesus,” or before speaking in church or chapel they would pray, “Let these be Your words, not mine.”  

I guess God didn’t really care for me.  I was just in the way.  If He could just morph me into Him the world would be changed! 

I get what these phrases mean, but they give a wrong impression.  I’m thinking Father designed you very specifically, and He’s not interested in pushing that in the background so that you can be another  
assembly line Jesus action figure.

No.  In you there dwells the glory and beauty of who you were lovingly formed to be. 

So, I don’t want to be Jesus.  I want to be the me that Jesus designed.

But, we all know that it is sometimes hard to let that shine.  There are so many things working against us.  We want to be self-absorbed, impatient, jerky, smart-alecy, self-serving hoarders. 

But that’s not the real you. 

Father draws out the real you.  The real you in all its glory.  The you that wants to love, to bless, to take risks, to make people laugh, to touch a life, to be adventurous, to make an impact, to be kind, to stand up to evil, to be awesome at something. 

That you can be covered over by the false you, the you that you wear to protect yourself or to help you fit in.  No.  That’s not the fullness of you that Father delights in.

Over the years since I first let myself follow Jesus, I have transformed, but I see that I didn’t become less me.  I have been coming into the fullness of who that Designer had in mind.  And I know that I am exactly who I am because the Kurt version of Jesus in the world is one that only I can offer.

Frozen & Mr. Banks

When I first became a Jesus follower in high school I was amazed at the depth of wisdom about life that I found in Scripture, and all things "Christian."  I quickly assumed there was no wisdom elsewhere, that God could be heard only through the voices of His followers (and, of course, His followers that agreed with my perspectives). 

And then there was Paolo Coehlo.

I began to devour nearly everything this mystical novelist published.  Here's the weird part: God met me in deep, profound ways when I read Coehlo's books, ways that still affect me today.  I began to see that the voice of my Father could be heard all around me and often I can tell when it's Him.

I recently saw two movies that touched me, and made it hard for me, in my manliness, to hide the fact that I was tearing up.

The first was Frozen.

Yes, my world of five girls makes Disney movies part of my life's fabric.  Because the young princess Elsa has a confusing power to freeze things, her parents are forced to keep her isolated from everyone, including her sister Anna, with whom she once was very close. 

Neither Anna's parents, nor Elsa herself, ever explained to her why her sister had to be kept apart.  This is the part that moved me: Anna, instead of writing off her sister because of her coldness, fights for, and ultimately sacrifices what she longs for, for their love.  In the climax of the film, she has the chance to get the guy she loves to kiss her and save her, but she chooses to give up that chance so her sister can live. 

How many times have I written people off because I didn't understand them, because I didn't know their story?  How many times have I looked down on people for something without considering that it may have been great pain that is the cause. 

This leads to the other movie: Saving Mr. Banks.  It's the story of the woman who wrote Mary Poppins.  The movie consists of many flashbacks to her childhood where she recalls the father that she loved so dearly, but who was painfully addicted to alcohol. 

Here is a woman with a past, a story that explains a great deal about how she is as an adult.  It struck me just how much of a legacy her father left on her.  It was indeed a legacy, though, a legacy of shame, guilt, and sadness. 

None of us can leave a perfect legacy, but, oh God, let us strive to leave an

honest, good one.  I can think of it now with my kids, but for you guys you are leaving legacies too to your siblings, your family, your friends, your boyfriend or girlfriend, and your classmates.  No one really hides their light under a bushel.  The question is what kind of light are you giving off?

Wisdom comes in my surprising places.  This time it was the movie theater.

15 Years

15 years ago, yesterday, I got to marry my girl!  I have been blessed from on high everyday of those 15 years.

Being a "Man"

Back in 2010 I went to get some counseling for some recurring issues of anxiety, but I got much more than I expected.  My counselor helped me see that in the early part of my relationship with the Lord I began to reject a lot of masculine things.  Here’s a section of my journal when I explored this:

Starting in junior high I began to want to be different from the men in my life.  This intensified in high school when I started to walk with the Lord.  I prided myself on being sensitive to other’s needs and concerns.  I wanted to communicate about emotions.  I wanted to help people.  Several men in my family were people who didn’t mind bothering people or doing things that I thought were inconsiderate.  I also separated from things I thought sinful.  I rejected the ‘guy’ culture.  I didn’t want to make sexual jokes, I didn’t want to size up women, etc.  I also didn’t want to be pushy and aggressive.  These were things I associated with certain jerky men/guys and sin.

Certainly, there was some good in this.  For one, I learned to respect girls.  Also, I developed a sensitive heart that I think God has made one of my unique traits that He uses a lot. 

But here’s an area that wasn’t good: I assumed that it was more godly to not be assertive, that it was more holy to give way to others.  I didn’t want to be pushy, so I chose to be passive, to let others make most decisions for me. 

My counselor pointed out that when Eve ate the apple in the Garden of Eden, Adam did…nothing.  He didn’t make a choice.  He just followed.  He should have done something, even if it was wrong.  Instead, he was passive.

We’re all called to this to some degree, whether guy or girl, but men, in particular, are wired to be “men.”  That means that we stand up, make choices, step into the unknown, face fear, and, heck, even screw up while doing it, but we make choices. 

The Scriptures are very clear that Jesus didn’t let His life get taken.  It very specifically says He laid down His life of His own accord. 

I am trying to reclaim my assertiveness.  For you guys in your teens it’s hard to be decisive.  Remember, it will look differently for each of us, but I encourage you to make it your motto, as I am, to “do something, instead of nothing” and to “choose courage, instead of cowardice.” 

If a guy can do this, while still being gentle and tender to the women in his life, girls love this.  But if a guy is passive, a girl will step in and run the show…and she will resent it.