Jesus didn't have a girlfriend

Did you ever see the movie A Few Good Men?  It’s the one with that famous scene where Jack Nicholson is in court and Tom Cruise is interrogating him.  Tom Cruise demands, “I want the truth.”  Nicholson yells, “You can’t handle the truth!”

You know what was really weird about this flick?  There was no romance.  None.  Nada.  I remember being so impressed that a movie could be so good and so successful even without any trace of a love story! 

This is a worthwhile comparison: A Few Good Men was an influential movie without a love story, just like you can have an influential life without a romantic relationship.

It’s interesting to note that:

Jesus didn’t have a girlfriend.

Why not?  Heck, I don’t know.  I could come up with a bunch of reasons, I guess, but it’s not really that important.  I know God is not against romance.  In fact, it happened to be His idea. 

But, isn’t it cool to know that Jesus led a meaningful and world-changing life without a significant other? 

First let that be a comfort.  You are meaningful regardless of your Facebook relationships status.  When Jesus was baptized, His Dad said, “This is my beloved son with whom I am well pleased.”  Your Dad says the same about you.  Whether or not you’ve been on a date doesn’t change this.

Let this also be a challenge.  Don’t sit around pining away your life until you can wear some cute guy’s sweatshirt.  Live an influential life now.  Learn to love your family.  Learn to love your friends.  Learn, from the Spirit, how to love that odd guy that you work with at the pool.  Live a Jesus-kind-of-love and let them feel the weight of that unusual experience.

Now, let’s play some reality here too.  It’s not always easy to be single.  My wife and I have a really good friend who is 40 and single.  No, she’s not weird.  She’s attractive and would be a great catch for a guy.  Yet, it hasn’t happened.  This has caused her some real pain.

Still, we’ve seen her choose to live a meaningful life.  She has tremendous influence on the people in her apartment building.  She teaches ESL classes to foreign refugees at her church.  Yes, she would love to be married someday, but she’s making her life count regardless of whether or not that happens.

The odds are that you will get married someday.  Before that amazing beau comes along, though (or even if they never come along), walk with your Abba today.  Breathe in His fragrance and spread it around to the person next to you.

Jesus didn't write a book

For the last year or so I’ve been writing my autobiography.  I’m expecting it to be a bestseller on Amazon and to hit the New York Times bestseller list.  I’m going to start a website to promote it and then go on tour to various Barnes and Nobles stores throughout the country. 

I hope you’re laughing inside because…that ain’t never happenin’!  But I am actually writing my autobiography.  Why?  For my kids.  I want to try to capture all those nuggets that God has taught me along the way so that I can pass those along to all my girls. 

Let’s be honest, though.  They probably won’t read it until they’re like…forty.  While I hope they get something out of it, the reality is that the best “book” I can give them is me.  My real life interaction with them is what is going to make the most impact on their lives.

Jesus didn’t…write a book.

When our Father wanted to share His heart with the world, He didn’t write a book, He came in person.  There is a lot of talk amongst us Christians about reading the Bible, memorizing verses, and being biblical.  We say we want to live by the Word of God.  You know what’s funny?  The Bible doesn’t call itself “The Word of God.”  What is the Word of God then?  Jesus, a person. 

Our Abba wanted to show what He was really like and ‘spoke’ it through His Word, Jesus (John 1). 

It’s so easy to think that having a friendship with a book makes us a friend with God, but that’s like going to a school makes you a personal friend of the principal. 

Read the Bible.  It’s an incredible gift to have the record of the actions, words, and heart of what Jesus did and how that affected his followers.  But let’s not miss the person.

My wife has written me so many sweet, encouraging, romantic notes and letters over the years. 

Sometimes I like to read them again.  I also like when she emails me or leaves a voicemail when I’m at work.  But you know what I want to do more than rereading or listening to those?  I want to go home and take that woman in my arms! 

So, yes, read the book, but don’t miss the Person.  Talk to Him, listen to Him, laugh with Him, look for Him, ask Him, cry with Him, yell at Him, smile at Him, enjoy Him, love Him.  

Jesus didn't always help people

"Give everything 110%!!!"
Sorry, dude.  That's crap.  We're all pie graphs.  I am only one pie.
Yeah, but Jesus was always helping people.  Always preaching, always healing.
Wrong again.
He was pie graph too.
No, wait.  He was God, right?  He had like a wedding cake graph!
Nope.
This is the beauty of God coming to us in Jesus.  He really lived inside the limitations that we all have as human beings.
If you're like me and you have a heart that wants to love, wants to reach out to others, wants to make a difference, then you probably have the same tendency: to do MORE.
We have two cars.  When we first got them, I knew nothing about taking care of them.  I learned that I had to actually follow the little sticker that the mechanic puts on the windshield that says at such-and-such mileage, you need to bring the car in for an oil change.

If you don't...the car starts wearing down and eventually you're either faced with more expensive repairs, or smacked with the reality of a car that is dead.

Jesus apparently knew this too.  After a lot of hard work with his buddies he says to them, "'Come away by yourselves, and we will go to a lonely place to get some rest.'"  Grant it, in Mark 6, they get interrupted and end up feeding lots of people, but my guess is that this was the exception, and that resting, was the usual practice.

His, and his friends', 'cars' needed an oil change.  If you're always serving and taking care of others, but never yourself, you're not doing anyone any favors.  You're just limiting your ability to help others either because you'll be burned out or in a sour mood.

One way my wife and I refresh our spiritual lives is that we do retreats occasionally.  This past weekend, we gave each other a few hours on our own to just spend time with Jesus.  For me that looks like reading a mix of books that are encouraging me spiritually, journaling a bit, working on my autobiography, and just doing some relaxed talking to the Lord.  My wife journals a ton, and has been studying a book in the Bible.  It looks differently for everyone.  Just do what connects you.

These times are so refreshing because we get to reconnect with the Lord, and often feel like He speaks to us in special ways.  It gives us the Spirit-fed battery power to head back into the fun, and work, of loving each other, our kids, and others that God has placed in our lives.

So, has following Jesus looked like a lot of hard work lately?  Consider finding a lonely place and spending a retreat this summer.

Jesus didn't want everyone to follow Him

You know that WWJD saying?  Everyone has seen it or had it on some rubber bracelot one time or another.  You ever wonder what would Jesus NOT do?  My wife and I have been reading Mark

separately lately and it's been pretty cool to read the life of Jesus and try to read it without bringing into it our preconceived notions of what Jesus was like.

So I wanted to start looking at some "Jesus didn't..." things.

Here's my first:

Jesus didn't...want everyone to follow Him (in the same way).

So in Mark 5 there's this crazy guy who lives in the local cemetary and who cuts himself (and we thought that was a modern phenomenon!).  So Jesus rips out these evil spirits from him and, as you can imagine, the guy BEGS to be able to follow Jesus.

His whole life has been changed in a crazy, dramatic way!  With all his heart and passion he can only think: I have to follow this guy!

So, what does Jesus do?  He says, "No."
Huh?
"I'm begging you, Lord.  Let me follow you."
It actually says, "But Jesus would not let him."
Weird!
Instead, he tells him to go home to his fam and tell them how He changed him and about God's mercy.

This is the same Jesus who asked people like Peter to leave his family and follow Him.  Is Jesus schizo or something?  I don't think so.  Think of this: Jesus wants you to follow Him in a way that is specific to you, a way that He tailor makes with your personality, your strengths, your heart in mind.  In fact, I suspect that He also tailor makes it with your weaknesses, failures, hurts, and longings in mind as well.

We Christians love to give people formulas and 4-step how-tos to follow Him.  Don't let that stuff crush your freedom to walk with the Lord yourself.  It will look differently than others, as much as my marriage looks different from someone else's, or your friendships look different that other people's friendships.

Ok, remember the former crazy guy?  It says in Mark that "the man left and began to tell the people in the Ten Towns about what Jesus had done for him."  And then the cool part: "And everyone was amazed."

"I'll Show You" Reflections

This poem has a lot of word play, particularly, and ironically so, with the issue of words.  At its center the speaker of the poem is hit with “harsh words.”  Yet, he/she doesn’t just take it.  The speaker combats the harsh words with “my word.”  What is that?  I love this line: “My God is stronger than your words.”  While earlier it says, “You push and shove,” now it says “You push me down / But he catches my fall.” 

This is one of the coolest parts though.  The speaker has been aggressively pushed and shoved, but responds that “I’ll push and shove through all harsh words.”  Yet it doesn’t end there.  This fighter goes on to say “and show you all my God-given worth.”

When I was growing up, I developed the belief that my worth was based on how well I performed (in school, at keeping others happy, being the smiley one in our family, etc.).  I didn’t feel loved unless I

had done well.  Because of this, I learned to be a very nervous, worrisome kid. 

I began to see this about myself in college.  Before that, I just assumed that was how relationships worked.  A number of years ago I went on a retreat called Making Peace with Your Past.  During one exercise, I was brought in the middle of a room with about 15 other people on the retreat surrounding me.  They were told to tell me all those things that I believed about myself.  

They said things like,

“You don’t work hard enough.”

“That’s not good enough.”

“You always screw up.”

“If people really knew you, they’d leave.”

“You’re not really loved.”

Then the woman leading the conference, a counselor that I had gotten to know, told me that I needed to fight the old way of thinking.  I needed something to replace it with.  Just like David used to do in the Psalms when he said, “Why so downcast, O my soul? (old way of thinking) Put your hope in God (new way of thinking).”  So we did the exercise again, but this time I responded back.

“You don’t work hard enough.”

That’s a lie.

“That’s not good enough.”

It doesn’t matter.  I am holy and dearly loved.

“You always screw up.”

That’s a lie.

“If people really knew you, they’d leave.”

That’s a lie.  But even if they did, I am holy and dearly loved.

“You’re not really loved.”

I am holy and dearly loved.

The phrase is from Colossians 3:12.  I wrote it all over my stuff and I memorized it.  There was and is an incredible power, the most incredible in the world, in fully falling into the arms of truth: that you are holy, accepted, pure to your Savior, and that you are not just ‘loved’ in a generic sense, but “dearly” loved.  I knew I had to fight the aggressiveness of harsh words spoken to me in my past, harsh words spoken by my own mind, harsh words spoken by Satan, and harsh words spoken by people in my present life.  With true words, though, now I was ready to reprogram my mind. 

So, join me.  Let’s “push and shove” against the lies that want to tear us down.  We have, not just ‘worth,’ but “God-given worth.”  This is a relief to the heart and a weapon to the untruths that try to pierce it. 

I'll Show You

There were a few poems I got for a poetry assignment toward the end of the year that I thought had a lot of insight or power to them.  I'll be posting them in a little series and sharing some reflections in follow-up posts.  I think each of them taps into some of the emotional, spiritual, and relationship struggles people face as teenagers and also adults.

Here's the third one:

"I'll Show You"

I try so hard to please you all

But inside I’m not too strong.

You push and shove and use

Harsh words but

Now it’s time to take

My word.  My God is stronger

Than your words.  You push me down

But he catches my fall.

God forgives and gives

But I will succeed through it all.

I’ll push and shove through all harsh words

And show you all my God-given worth.

"Girl in the Dark" Reflections

From an artistic level I was really impressed with this poem.  The use of the repeated phrase has a lot of power.  It feels like the repetition of a lullaby, but with an eerie twist.  My favorite part, though, is the consistent color scheme of black.  There is, of course the “girl in the dark,” but also the “dark hole,” “darkness” in the soul, and the “heart black as coal.” 

One thing that this poem shares with the previous poem “My Life is a Joke” is the power of being “alone.”  Both poems, indeed, express this feeling with imagery borrowed from the imagery of Hell.  It is a terrible place to be.  I have had times of depression in my life and it feels like a pit that you cannot climb out of, even if you try.  Sometimes, even looking in at yourself in these moments, it can be disturbing just how “bitter and cold” you are.  You feel like you’ve become a different person.

Admittedly, I have had many more struggles with anxiety in my life, but in reading about it in many books and going to counseling, I also learned a bit about depression. 

Depression is actually a tool of our bodies.  It is a chemical “crash” that often follows some circumstance in life where you have been in high gear.  For example, my wife and I led a marriage conference on Saturday.  We have been working on it for months, and had a lot of adrenalin and nerves going in.  The conference went really well, but on Sunday, the day after, I’m depressed.  I’ve learned that this happens the day after every time I speak in chapel as well. 

What is my body doing?  It is a big stoplight that says, “Rest!”  I don’t feel like doing anything today.  I just want to chill.  I took a nap.  I’m not motivated to accomplish much.  And, admittedly, I’m not in a great mood.  You may have noticed that you get this way when you’re sick too.  Again, your body wants you to rest so it can work on things.

Do you have some major stresses going on right now?  You may be getting that depressed signal from your body telling you that it’s time to recover.  Some of us live in stressful situations all the time.  If your family life, for example is consistently tense, depression may be a frequent struggle for you. 

Why is it worth knowing this?  It helps you know that something is happening TO you by your body’s design.  If you’re mind starts going down the track to “I hate myself,” you need to remind your heart that your “crash” is normal and won’t stay this way forever.  You have to work with who you are.  If you don’t, you may be depressed longer.  For example, I needed more recovery time yesterday (it's Monday now) than I got.  The depression has lingered more. 

How do you know when you have a ‘disorder’, though?  That is when depression (or anxiety in my

case) goes no longer than the situation warrants.  It can go so long that you may even get to a suicidal point.  This is when you need to have the courage to ask for help.  There is a reason there are doctors, counselors, and medication.  Also, if you’re depressed for a long time and don’t really have a reason, that may also be a sign that your body is not reacting correctly.  I knew I had an anxiety disorder when I felt nervous and had panic attacks frequently and they were not because I was facing situations that would make most people nervous.

Psalm 40

I waited patiently for the Lord; 
he turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
 out of the mud and mire;
 he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.  He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.