Emotional Abuse

Chapel yesterday was sooo meaningful.  If you didn’t think so, count yourself blessed because you hopefully don’t have people in your life who manipulate you emotionally.

I wanted to add a few angles to yesterday’s discussion.  People want things from other people.  It may be love, attention, affection, agreement, sympathy, help, or any number of things.  All of us, as humans, are trying to figure out how to get them.  There are healthy ways and there are unhealthy ways.  The biggest unhealthy means of getting what you need is force.

Force can be physical or emotional. 

Using physical force, aka abuse, is a huge topic, but I want, instead, to focus on emotional force.  We often don’t think of this as abuse, but it is.  Do you know someone who makes you feel guilty if you don’t give them what they want?  Do they use crushing or sarcastic language that belittles you when they are unhappy?  Do they force you into situations and decisions that make you feel insignificant or even bad?  Do they withhold affection, touch, or love until you do what they say?  Are you frequently required to rescue them from problems that they created?

These are all examples of people invading your boundaries as a person.  Each of us has boundaries that God put in place.  He has designed us with things that are our responsibility and they belong to us.  But emotional abusers invade our boundaries, and if we don’t like it, they accuse us of being unloving.  These are people who ignore our God-given boundaries. 

Sometimes it is a parent who is this way.  Sometimes it is a friend.  Other times it may be a boyfriend or girlfriend.  It can even be a pastor, youth leader, or teacher.

Like our speaker mentioned in chapel yesterday, you have to begin by asking God to help you see where your boundaries are being violated.  Then begin to ask Him to show you where you can put limits on those violations.  Each situation is different and it is very challenging to do this.  But, and hear this, it is the most loving thing you can do for yourself and for that person, even though they will not like it.

I speak from experience with some close relatives that I had to put limits on.  For me that looked like standing up for myself when accused.  It also involved me not taking responsibility for their frequent bad moods.  I also had to mentally combat the harsh words they said to me with truth about how God loves me.  These were a few things God taught me. 

I know it’s targeted at adults, but I think the book Boundaries could help anyone.  I read it in college and it was transformative.  Here it is on Amazon