Feeling OK in the New Year

Tis the season for New Years resolutions, but maybe wanting to be different isn't always a good thing.  A good friend posted this blog post on his Facebook page and I really liked it.  I thought some of
you would be encouraged by it too.

When I returned to blogging about a month ago, you all welcomed me back with open arms. I was away for nearly a year, yet you came back, too. More importantly, I’m enjoying myself again because at some point during my break I got over my obsession with numbers. I no longer get panic attacks if I don’t have a post lined up for the next day. I no longer feel the heart-rending disappointment when a post flops.

Still, I felt a sense of unease. This isn’t really what I want to write, not forever, I told myself at night, staring at the ceiling high above. I want to write fiction. I want to be a novelist.

But a sneaking suspicion had begun to grow in my mind, one that I pondered ever since finishing the book for my kids. And when I didn’t have the strength to say the words out loud, Maile said them for me.

They came after I expressed my novelist frustrations to her one morning. We were making the bed. I went on and on, complaining about my weaknesses as a fiction writer, my unhappiness with the plot of the children’s book I had written. Then she said something, something that I had been thinking but did not have the strength to admit out loud. Something that, if I had let it, could have hurt me deeply.

“You might not want to hear what I have to say,” she said in a kind voice.

“No, go ahead.”

“Maybe,” she said, “just maybe, you’re not a novelist. Maybe you’re a nonfiction writer. That’s your best writing. That’s what people respond to.”

I took a deep breath. Sometimes the truth about ourselves hurts. Sometimes it isn’t exactly what we want to hear.

“I’ve been wondering the same thing,” I admitted.

I wonder how many of us spend our lives trying to be what we want to be instead of embracing who we are? I wonder if this contributes to the truth behind Thoreau’s famous quote that “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” Maybe we’re desperate because we’re dishonest with ourselves and with each other about who we are.

What would happen if we were honest with ourselves? What would happen if we listened to the loving voices that speak into our lives, the voices of those who love us, those who can sometimes see what we cannot, or will not, see?

Of course there’s a flip side to this coin, the truth that life is a struggle, a journey, and that anything worth having takes some work, some perseverance. Don’t give up on your dreams. Etcetera, etcetera. But maybe the one thing standing between you and the life you were meant to live is a dash of humility, a small measure of honesty, and a mustard seed of hope.

The hope that who you are, who you were created to be, is enough.

- See more at: http://shawnsmucker.com/2013/12/18/stop-trying-so-hard-what-you-were-created-to-be-is-enough/#sthash.GenHgxz2.dpuf

Talladega Christmas Nights

In the words of Ricky Bobby in Talladega Nights:

"Dear 8 pound, 6 ounce newborn infant Jesus, don't even know a word yet, just a little infant and so cuddly, but still omnipotent, we just tank you for all the races I've won and the 21.2 million dollars--woo!"

An argument ensues in this part of the movie when Carley and others remind Ricky that Jesus did grow up.  He, however, insists that he likes the baby Jesus best.

The baby Jesus idea is captured so well in the hymn, "Away in a manger."  Yet, there's some interesting differences between baby and grown-up Jesus.

Baby Jesus is so sweet, tender and mild.
Grown-up Jesus is offensive.

Baby Jesus, according to the song, "No crying He makes."
Grown-up Jesus sweats blood.

Baby Jesus is "asleep on the hay."
Grown-up Jesus has friends who can't stay awake while he breaks down in fear while praying in a garden.

Baby Jesus lays down "his sweet head"
Grown-up Jesus gets thorns in his head.

Baby Jesus has "stars in the sky [that] look down where he lay."
Grown-up Jesus causes a blacked-out noon day sky and an earthquake that tears the curtain the temple.

When I was in my early teens I liked a baby Jesus faith.  I could pray when I wanted to, go to church and like the Christmas carols, maybe even feel a little tingly, but then go on my way and forget about it.

I wonder what happened to those wise men.  They come to visit the baby Jesus, give him sweet gifts, but then disappear and never return.

That's a comfortable religion.  You sacrifice a little (sit through boring church services) and then go on your way.

But here's what excited me: following a problematic, challenging, in-your-face-with-his-love, grown-up Jesus.

When a friend told me in high school that, instead of dropping off gifts and leaving, I could become a modern-day disciple and follow Him, not just a star, I threw all my chips in and never looked back.

So, yes, "be near me, Lord Jesus, I ask thee to stay close by me forever and love me, I pray," but also, TAKE me with you, Lord Jesus, I ask you today to change my life with Jesus-adventure I pray."

Feeling OK about me - part 2

Imagine that you are a cup.  As a cup, you want to be filled.  It doesn’t feel good when you’re empty. 

But when you’re filled up, you feel good, you feel okay, you feel strong, you feel…at peace.

Most of us fill our cups with three things:

People

Places

Things

This seems to make sense, right?  But all these things do the same: disappoint. 

This isn’t to say we shouldn’t have these as an integral part of our lives, but we can’t use them to fill our cups. 

So, what do we do?  David wrote, “My soul finds rest in God alone.  He is my rock and my salvation.” 

John wrote, “This is love: not that we have loved God, but that He loved us first.”

Solomon wrote, “Trust in the Lord with all of your heart.”

David also wrote that with God his “soul is satisfied as with the richest of foods.”

Nehemiah said, “The joy of the Lord is your strength”

Once I began filling my cup with God something wonderful happened.  When I added sweet friends (people), and good times (places), and a new guitar (things), that made my “cup overflow.” 

What do I mean?  To fill my cup with God means that when I wonder, “Am I okay?” I let God remind me: I am loved, forgiven, enjoyed, and belong.  I have a purpose in life, a meaning, and I will not be forsaken or dumped by Him.  There are many ways to help with this from just being quiet and listening, to speaking to yourself (like the psalms say, “Why so downcast O my soul? Put your hope in God.), to listening to music that reminds you of this, to reading or reciting Bible verses that remind you of your Father’s love for you, etc. 

Let yourself feel, feel, feel God's delight in you, yes you.  Fight the voices that tell you otherwise. 

In the next post, I’ll show how that helped me weather through all the disappointments that people, places, and things send our way.

15 Years

15 years ago, yesterday, I got to marry my girl!  I have been blessed from on high everyday of those 15 years.

I want to feel OK about me

Do you ever feel just not good?

Do you ever feel like something’s not right, but you just don’t know what?

Do you ever just wish you felt okay? 

…about your life?

…about you?

Do you ever feel like you are on a roller coaster, sometimes up, and sometimes down?

I did too.  I remember it very distinctly, because it was during my high school years that I first noticed this.  I found that hanging out with friends made me feel good about me.  But, if a weekend went by without hanging out, I felt sort of empty.

Dating had helped too in the past, but getting dumped certainly didn’t help. 

Going on vacation felt good.  I liked to ski, so when I was rockin’ it down a black diamond run, I felt on top of the world.  But, of course, vacations end.

Getting a new AC/DC album was pretty sweet.  Or even a new locomotive for my model train set (I know.  I’m a nerd).  But those got old or broke.

Then I saw this book at a store called Joy That Lasts by a guy named Gary Smalley.  What I read in that book changed my sense of “feeling okay” forever. 

I’ll write in an upcoming post about what I found.

Suffering through Christmas

It's nice when someone asks how you're really doing.

It's nice when someone says they'll pray for you.
It's nice when someone thinks you're amazing because of all you've gone through.

But it puts divine medicine on a chapped soul when someone shares your suffering with you.  They enter into it as much as they can with listening, empathizing, asking, helping, comforting, even sometimes feeling the same things.

That's Christmas.

God doesn't just say, "Wow.  Life is hard for you guys."
or
"I'll send some angels to help sometimes."
or
"Good job facing the trials of life!"

No, He comes INTO it, WITH US.  Emmanuel, is this name that the ancient Jews were told the Messiah would be called.  It means "God with us."

That baby in Bethlehem becomes a man and showed us another time that He would be with us.  Here's a quote from Nadia Bolz-Weber's book Pastrix that captures it:

Every time I go looking for God amidst sorrow, I always find Jesus at the cross.  In death and resurrection.

This is our God.  Not a distant judge nor a sadist, but a God who weeps.  A God who suffers, not only for us, but with us.  Nowhere is the presence of God amidst suffering more salient than on the cross.  Therefore what can I do but confess that this is not a God who causes suffering.  This is a God who bears suffering.  I need to believe that God does not initiate suffering.  God transforms it.

Standing near the cross of Jesus were his mother, and his mother's sister, and Mary Magdalene.  When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing beside her, he said to his mother, "Woman, here is your son."  Then he said to the disciple, "Here is your mother."  After this, when Jesus knew that all was now finished, he said, "I am thirsty."

"I am thirsty," he says.  "I am not watching this from a distant heaven.  I too am thirsty."

Being a "Man"

Back in 2010 I went to get some counseling for some recurring issues of anxiety, but I got much more than I expected.  My counselor helped me see that in the early part of my relationship with the Lord I began to reject a lot of masculine things.  Here’s a section of my journal when I explored this:

Starting in junior high I began to want to be different from the men in my life.  This intensified in high school when I started to walk with the Lord.  I prided myself on being sensitive to other’s needs and concerns.  I wanted to communicate about emotions.  I wanted to help people.  Several men in my family were people who didn’t mind bothering people or doing things that I thought were inconsiderate.  I also separated from things I thought sinful.  I rejected the ‘guy’ culture.  I didn’t want to make sexual jokes, I didn’t want to size up women, etc.  I also didn’t want to be pushy and aggressive.  These were things I associated with certain jerky men/guys and sin.

Certainly, there was some good in this.  For one, I learned to respect girls.  Also, I developed a sensitive heart that I think God has made one of my unique traits that He uses a lot. 

But here’s an area that wasn’t good: I assumed that it was more godly to not be assertive, that it was more holy to give way to others.  I didn’t want to be pushy, so I chose to be passive, to let others make most decisions for me. 

My counselor pointed out that when Eve ate the apple in the Garden of Eden, Adam did…nothing.  He didn’t make a choice.  He just followed.  He should have done something, even if it was wrong.  Instead, he was passive.

We’re all called to this to some degree, whether guy or girl, but men, in particular, are wired to be “men.”  That means that we stand up, make choices, step into the unknown, face fear, and, heck, even screw up while doing it, but we make choices. 

The Scriptures are very clear that Jesus didn’t let His life get taken.  It very specifically says He laid down His life of His own accord. 

I am trying to reclaim my assertiveness.  For you guys in your teens it’s hard to be decisive.  Remember, it will look differently for each of us, but I encourage you to make it your motto, as I am, to “do something, instead of nothing” and to “choose courage, instead of cowardice.” 

If a guy can do this, while still being gentle and tender to the women in his life, girls love this.  But if a guy is passive, a girl will step in and run the show…and she will resent it.

Focus on How Guys Are Different

Over the weekend we visited with some friends named Jenny and Brock. We've been pretty tight with them for many years. About two years ago, they moved to Michigan for a job. Obviously, we don't see them much anymore so it was cool that they were in town. We met at another friend's house. However, despite not seeing each other much, what did Brock do the whole time we were together? Watch the Ohio State/Michigan game. A little background: Brock loves sports and used to watch a ton more of it, but chose several years ago to not watch as much so that he could focus on his wife and family. Despite this, my wife Beth admitted that she was at first annoyed that Brock couldn't enjoy talking and catching up and just occasionally check the game. But, she said, since she had been reading this book about men called Keys to the Kingdom, her perspective quickly changed. In Keys to the Kingdom, Armstrong points out that women often assume men are immature, selfish, and inconsiderate. Some of this is simply because men are different. In large part, they focus. Armstrong writes that, "It is what men do naturally--they focus. And they focus on one thing at a time. It's the way they were designed to think....It is a remarkable quality. It is one of the things that make them able to remember details, like all of the statistics of a ballgame or an entire season. They are utterly focused on that one thing when they are participating." A few weeks ago I was at a wedding of a really sweet couple. However, about a year earlier they broke up while dating. The guy was a very successful high school wrestler and it was really hard for him to focus on his sport and also a girlfriend. So, he broke it off. You can imagine how distraught the girl was. Yet, it wasn't because he didn't love her; it was because he did! He knew she deserved his focus and he felt he couldn't give it. What had to happen in their case was that they needed to communicate about how to respect his need to focus on his sport, but at the same time learn how to give to their relationship. They eventually figured it out, and now they're husband and wife. But it would be easy to see the guy as being immature or selfish. Instead, it demonstrates that men focus and that should be respected. On the other hand, as the story also illustrates, guys sometimes have to learn how to share or shift focus when they need to. With all the differences between guys and girls, I wonder how much the Lord chuckled when He was making them.