Don't tell me "God loves you"

All my life I've worked with teens. 

Also, my committed spiritual life began as a teen.

So, I'm always thinking about how to relate spiritual ideas to the teen mind.

Today, I was thinking something and I wonder if it's correct (pardon this stream of consciousness approach in this blog post).

Teens want a God that loves them, but not in a parental way, or a smothering or overbearing parental way. 

A teen is living in the process of becoming independent.  They want to do things on their own and create their own destinies and make their own decisions without their hands being held all the time.  It's a longing for respect, a respect that children don't, and shouldn't have.

So, sometimes this "God loves you" talk can seem just like a mother who can't let go of the image of her little son or daughter as kid.  God loves you, as a message, can seem like another person saying, "Johnny, it's too dangerous to cross the street, but don't worry, I'll hold your hand."

Yet, I still think teens respond to God's love, but it's love that comes alongside an adventurer.  A love that says, "This looks dangerous.  Let's do it.  You and I.  Ready?  Let's jump!" 

It's also a love that gives dignity to pain.  Teens want their concerns, their emotions to be given credit.  An example is how many teens feel that their romantic feelings are treated as silly by some adults.  I think they want others, God included, to respect their feelings.

And in that sense, I do think God loves the teen in a way they want.  He looks at your feelings, your rough and happy emotions, your desires, your hopes with respect.  He wants to carry you when you're down and cheer you on when you need to stand up and fight.  He also wants to pump you up with divine power to tackle the giants that face you in life.

All of this makes me think of a poem or something that the disciple John quotes in his letter called 1 John.  It's in chapter 1, verses 12-14

I write to you, dear children,
because your sins have been forgiven on account of his name.
I write to you, fathers,
because you have known him who is from the beginning.
I write to you, young men,
because you have overcome the evil one.
I write to you, dear children,
because you have known the Father.
I write to you, fathers,
because you have known him who is from the beginning.
I write to you, young men,
because you are strong,
and the word of God lives in you,
and you have overcome the evil one.

Notice that different aspects of God appeal to each person at different ages.  Young men, for example, relate to overcoming the evil one, having God's heart live in them, and being strong.

I'm very curious of your thoughts.  For those of you that are teens, do you relate to this or do you see it differently.  I'd love your feedback either in comments below or in person.

Relationships 101: Guys, Hold the Barf Can

In this past post we talked about how girls can understand guy's nature to want to find the point of what a girl is saying.

 Guys, when you're listening you want to find out "the point."

Girls, generally, do not operate this way.  Talking for them has value in and of itself.  Science shows that positive chemicals are emitted inside women purely from talking.

When a girl is upset, specifically, often she needs you to just hold the bucket.

In essence, she just needs to barf out all of her feelings and thoughts.  You just need to stand there and hold the barf can.

For some guys it is hard to see how this has value, but to a girl, this is how she gets to solutions.

Here are three reasons for you to take this advice:

1. She's different than you.  

John Gray in Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus said that women have a well inside of them.  When upset, they go in the well and they need to get all the way to the bottom.  It will seem like she's getting worse initially, but that's because she needs to go all the way down.  Once she hits the bottom, then, and only then, she can come up.


2. It's actually the way to help SOLVE her problem.

As a guy, what you can do is help her get to the bottom of the well by listening, asking questions, and letting her express.  She even may eventually want advice (what you've been wanting to give aaaall along!).

3. It takes off the pressure.

While everything inside of you usually is going crazy trying to figure out how to fix your lady's situation, if you know she's just in the well, you can relax, knowing that she doesn't need you to figure it all out.  The best solution is holding the can.

So, next time your girlfriend, sister, yes even your mom seems to be headed into the well, happily grab that trash can, put the other arm around her, and let her have a go!

Drop Earth Day

Today is Earth Day, the day for all of us to feel guilty about all the evil things we stupid humans do to the planet.

Er, wait...Today is Earth Day, the day for all of us to feel really great about ourselves because of all the times we turn off the light switches in our house to save energy...or all the plastic water bottles we throw in the blue can.

So all around our country people will do a lot of hoopla to celebrate the Earth. 

Ironically, there was a day last week that I bet very few of us even knew happened: Holocaust Remembrance Day.


Here is an evil worth remembering and the light of goodness worth emulating. 

I recently read a book with memories of WWII veterans.  This is one that truly struck me:

One US soldier remembers liberating some of the concentration camps.  They were some of the first troops to see the horrific conditions of these camps as they slowly took over Germany and it's stolen lands. 

In one case, GIs were so appalled by what they saw that they rounded up German camp guards and then brought out camp prisoners.  They gave prisoners guns and basically said, "Do what you want with these despicable former guards."

A soldier remembers one of the inmates who gave the gun back and said these words,

"I don't want to become like them."  

This world naturally runs on the principle that says, you hurt me, I will hurt you.  But here is a young Jewish concentration camp inmate who had the spark of the Spirit in him, the Spirit of the Christ, the Father, that says, "No.  I will let the heart of God live in me." 

This is no exoneration of the crimes of these guards.  It is also not meant to detract from the need for the justice system to mete out punishment.  But it is the heart of an individual knowing that life lived in the affection of the Father makes one live a different life.

Relationships 101: The Question on Every Guy's Mind

What is the point?!!

This is the thought running through every guy's head as he's listening to his girl.

Girls can get mad at this part of the male approach to listening or they can try to understand it.  And isn't that what we all want?

Guys, for the record, can be very good listeners.  The key, of course, is that since they are focused by nature, that's all they can do when listening.

So avoid trying to talk about something of value to a guy between classes, when he's trying to get somewhere, when he's transitioning from softball practice, or while he's attempting to accomplish something.  Get to him when he can focus.

Now that he's focused, he'll be all there for you.  Guys are really good at this when they can give you their full attention.

Next, he's thinking "What's the point?"  Why?  By design, guys want to be heroes.  They are trying to determine what your problem is so that they can help fix it.  They want to rescue you.  This is one way love takes expression for a man.  Don't despise it.

However, you may not have a point.  You may just need to share something or many things.  Understanding his result-focused nature, telling him how he can help.  For example, "Hey, I need to get somethings off my mind about ________.  I may not really have a point.  It would really help me a lot if you could listen to my thoughts for a few minutes."

This is helpful for him because:
1. you've told him what you're doing.
2. he doesn't have to hunt for a "point."
3. You've explained how he can help you, as in listen.

Also, don't hint.  Hinting is (let's be honest) childish.  Hinting is a way of saying, "If you really loved me, you'd read my mind."  Guess what?  It's impossible...even if you can't believe he can't tell!!  Be direct.  Guys need that.  Just give it to him.  

In other words, get to the point! 

Give these suggestions a shot and I think you'll find your relationships with guys very different.

Slap a Bible Verse on it!

Some of you know my obsession with trains.  Well, I was looking at an old Trains magazine from the 1970s (I bought some old ones) and saw this locomotive with a Bible verse on it as the loco's number.  It was J33-3, which stands for Jeremiah 33:3. 

The verse reads:
"Call to me and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things that you do not yet know."

The railroad started in 1972.  Well, two years later...it closed. 

Part of me is impressed that whoever owned the railroad had a relationship with God that was important enough to slap a Bible verse on an engine.

The other part of me goes: this is what we Christians do all the time.

We slap a Bible verse on it.

We put them on our Christian school sports team shirts. 
We put them on our newsletters.
We make sure our holiday cards have one.
We slap them on our cars (or use a fish symbol).

The list goes on.

It's certainly not a bad thing, but does it really mean anything? 

I'm pretty sure nobody's life changed because of a Bible verse I wore on my T-shirt in high school.  Trust me; I wore plenty of them.

Instead, I hope people saw what my journey with God was doing to how I lived my life.  I was far from perfect, but I hope others were curious about me and my faith because the Holy Spirit was teaching me patience, gentleness, boldness, and kindness. 

Sometimes I think that many of us (like me in junior high) are just wearing shirts with Bible verses like Jesus said the Pharisees were "white-washed tombs."  We look good outside, but there's nothing really alive spiritually inside of us.

I'd rather live the heart of the Bible, than be a shell of a Christian with a Bible verse on my shirt.

Relationships 101: Lovely Ladies

This is a guest post by my amazing wife, Beth:

As the Easter Day was coming to a close, and Kurt and I were finally in bed, heading into the delightful dream world, I asked my man about his favorite part of the day.

Thankfully, he was still awake for what he shared with me I don't think I'll ever forget.

He said that he loved seeing our girls all fancy in their Easter dresses, but not only that, he said that he really loved telling them how lovely they looked.  

How lovely they looked.

Wow.

He continued to tell me that he hoped these small deposits will build into our girls greater confidence and security that they indeed are very loved.

He spoke life into them.

One of our fav. hip hop singer/artists dudes is Toby Mac.  He has this song called Speak Life.  He sings about how everyday we have a choice to either encourage or discourage through the words we speak.  

It seems so simple, but I think, the impact can go beyond anything we can imagine.  

Good Friday: What Was He Thinking?

When you are young you always hear about stuff that seems to be for older people.

Experiencing those things for yourself changes everything.

Earning money, getting a girlfriend or boyfriend, having your input matter on a family decision, shooting the winning basket, etc.

The cross was like this for me.  It was a big, general concept.

Jesus died for the whole world.

I knew it was important, but it was out there, ahead of me somehow.

In the summer of 1996, a series of frustrations led me into a situation where Father made the cross
very real.  It was that summer that I finally realized that Jesus' death on the cross was for me.  Not just the whole world, but me.

He had me on his mind when he was on the cross. 

Me.

The love that held him in that awful pain was love for me. 

He wanted nearness with me so badly.  Or, as the book of Hebrews puts it, "For the joy set before him, he endured the cross."  I was that joy.

For the first time in my life I felt utterly, completely, lavishly, fully
l o v e d.

But there was someone else he was thinking of on that cross:

you.

That is a very Good, Good Friday.