Nerves: how to chill them out

Nerves!  Ah! 

One thing that helped me tremendously was simply this: realizing that nerves are normal (there are some of us who have abnormal nervousness, but I'll talk about that later). 

You're body is pretty smart and God made it that way.  It is designed to send you shots of adrenaline (that's what nervousness is) to give you extra-normal strength and speed when you are in danger.  So, when you are in a new situation, it can seem dangerous, to your insides.  For one, be thankful your body is doing its job.  It also means you're not a weirdo.

But can you stop it?!  There are a lot of things you can do. 

First, do some mind work.  You may need to tell your mind: hey, this isn't dangerous-chill out! Fight the lies your mind is feeding you.  Tell yourself, "You can do this.  You've done it before."  Or "God is here right now.  I'll be okay."

Maybe your mind spirals into "What if...this or this happens?"  I went to a counselor once who said,

"If you ask "What if?" then answer the question.  What if it really did happen?"  She remarked that often you will find that it wouldn't be the end of the world (and, besides, it probably won't happen anyway).

Second, do some physical work.  If you are in a setting where your heart is thumping and nerves are racing try this: breathe in while counting to 4 (as in 1000 one, 1000 two, etc.).  Exhale while counting to 4.  Continue.  Your heart rate will go down.  It's not instantaneous, but it will work eventually; just focus on counting.  Trust me, I've done it on numerous airplane flights!  Plus, you can do it without anyone knowing it.

If your mind is quick to walk down the road of all the things that could happen, another idea is to wear a rubber band around your wrist.  When the "what ifs" start coming, snap it (not enough to leave a mark, but enough to put a little sting).  It 'wakes you up' so to speak.  Then, recite a Bible verse or some phrase that will encourage you.

Finally, invite Father into your situation.  He cares.  He really does!  One of my favorite comments in the Bible is from Peter who wrote "Cast all your anxieties on Him because He cares for you" (I Peter 5:7)  I sometimes have had to imagine taking my worries into my hand and chucking them (aka casting) on Father.  So, chuck away!  Multiple times if necessary!

Also, try what are called "breath prayers."  They are short prayers or Bible verses that you say when you do slow breathing.  You breathe in and when you exhale you say something like, "I cast my cares on you" or "Father, love me" or "Calm my spirit" or "Give me strength" or whatever works.  This way you calm your body, but also your spirit as you direct your attention to the words, the truth, and your Father.

There are two other issues I'll address in another post.  What if your nervousness if actually more than normal?  Also, what if your life circumstances are causing your anxiety?

I hate being nervous!

I can still see myself waking up in my upstairs bedroom as a teen.  More importantly, I can feel it all over again.  It's weird; we have picture memories, but also emotional memories.  I still recall the sensation of what seemed like needles poking into my abdomen, the tightness of my veins in my arms.  I was nervous. 

I remember being in college, rummaging about my dorm room to get my stuff together for class.  I had just gotten back from some activity and now had to pack my bag, and scurry to the other side of campus for class.  You know those pictures in science books that show all your web-like, nervous system veins?  It seemed like everyone of those was ablaze and about to shoot out the ends of my fingertips. 

Don't you hate it?  It feels like some unpleasant person has been handcuffed to you and you must walk around all day with them.  What do you do with it? 

These are just two of many, many memories I have of the joys of being nervous.  You're probably wondering, though: am I just stuck with this? 

The answer is: yes and no.

I shared my above examples in hopes that you can first realize this: you are not the only one feeling this way.  That alone can prompt your insides to relax a little bit.

But that's not it.  Many people, including myself, have found a lot of solutions to managing and decreasing nerves.  I have been through a lot of nerves including the 'everybody has 'em' ones and a legitimate anxiety disorder, so I've done a lot of reading, studying, and been to counseling.  Most importantly, Father has met me there and He's made me a different person because of it.

In an upcoming post I'll share a hodgepodge of things I've learned about lessening anxiety in your life.

Hello from my Blog

Another school year.  Holy smokes! 

Welcome to my blog!  I love talking at school about how to make relating to God a natural part of real life for teens and young adults.  That was really lacking for me when I was an early teen.  A few years ago I was wanting a place to talk about these things more frequently and so I decided to start this blog.  I want it to be a place where you can read some reflections about working through issues that you are dealing with in this era of your life. 
 
I try hard to be relevant and honest, and address everything from fun topics to ones that are difficult to talk about.  I'm also not interested in throwing around rules.  I believe Father wants us to have a free, gut-honest relationship with Him, not a list of commands to keep Him from whacking us.  I believe He wants a connection with you and that it will look different from mine.
 
Occasionally I use this blog for school-related stuff, but I intend it mostly for your own personal encouragement and a place to grapple through what it means to be a follower of Jesus and a teen and live a life of meaning. 
 
I try to write about one to two blogs a week.  I also write them on my board in my classroom so you know what the newest topic is. 
 
Below are some samples sections you can check out.  At the bottom right of the screen there are even more topics you can use to search for stuff you might like.
 
Thanks for visiting!

Anxiety
Movie Reviews
God and Teens
Dating
Sex
Book Thoughts & Reviews
Depression

Social Survival for the Rest of Us

LW is a great place, but it has its own issues.  While the numbers are changing, it is still true that a high percentage of students come from Lutheran grade schools.  That means that they come here with a built-in social safety net of friends.  Like everyone else, they're a little nervous about high school so they naturally stick close to the people they already know, especially for the first couple months of school.  So, how do you make friends?
 
First, check out prayer.  Your Father's heart is for you and He cares.  Talk to Him about what you're hoping for.  Talk to Him about the ups and downs of fitting in at a new school.  I've found that my loneliest times were the times that my relationship with Father became stronger than ever.  And, of course, straight up ask Him for people to connect with. 
 

Then, have patience.  Even though lots of kids come to LW with previous friends, things eventually change.  I was one of these kids.  I stuck close to my buddies from grade school for a few months early on, but that changed.  I only had 14 or so people in my eighth grade class, so there weren't many choices.  Suddenly, I found myself surrounded by all these other people that I shared more in common with.  I found friends that I connected with better than the ones from my old school.  By the end of high school I really wasn't tight with anyone from my original eighth grade class. 

Last, be persistent.  Every year around April I find out a couple of my freshmen aren't returning to LW the next year.  I like to ask why and usually the answer goes something like this: It's hard to make friends here and I miss my friends from grade school.  Now, I am not discounting their experience, but for every two students who say this, I can name five more that say the opposite and were able to make new friends at LW. 
 
But you've got to stick it out.  The key is to do something about it.  You may have to take the lead to say hello, invite yourself, offer to help someone, ask if you can sit a that table, and so on.  That is NOT easy for a lot of people, but a little discomfort will pay off if you do it.  The easiest way of all to make friends at LW, though, is to join an extracurricular activity.  Just by showing up to drama, intramurals, academic challenge, book club, or volleyball, you will be part of a group that often becomes a source of some of your closest friends.
 
Prayer, patience, and persistence.  They pay off.

 

Maleficent: Men are bad!

Maleficent.  Frozen.  Watch out, girls.  Men are bad!

I'm not that cynical to think Disney intends that message, but if you look at both movies they sure do seems to crack on men.

In Frozen, Hans sweeps Anna off her feet and gets her to enthusiastically agree to marry him, only to later find out that he planned to kill her off all along and get the throne.

In Maleficent, it gets worse.  With the exception of the crow every man (human at least) in the story is either evil or useless.  Maleficent's childhood crush turns into a bloodthirsty, insane killer and Aurora's Prince Charming turns out to be a hormone-driven waste of time.

In both movies, other women save the day; Elsa in Frozen, and in Maleficent, her fairy godmothers, and Maleficent herself.

There are good men out there.  Certainly Kristoff is an example.  Even Prince Charming seems to have some hope of being worth his screen time when he is shown with Aurora at the end of the film.
But there is a message worth catching: classic dating is worth it.

What do I mean by classic dating?  I mean the way I hear it was before my time.  Yes, before the 1980s. Actually, I don't know when it changed, but there was a time when you could be dating someone, but that didn't mean you were an "item."  It wasn't uncommon for people to be dating several others at a time.  It meant you were interested and going on dates, but not "steady" as the old term goes.  My point is that we need to get to know people better before we get too involved.  Heck, yeah, he wants to kiss you.  You're pretty and it's a great feeling to have someone of the opposite sex notice!  But, like Prince Charming, that may be all there is inside of him.  It goes the other way too.  A girl may seem like the prettiest thing on the face of the earth and you might assume that means she's sweet too.  Yet, you might find out that she's vindictive and unforgiving.

Dating is different now, I know.  But it's worth getting to know someone more before you get too far in.  You may not end up with killers like Hans or Stefan, but there are plenty of other emotionally dangerous traits out there that can wreak just as much havoc.