Married to God? Teen Spirituality Part 3

Tough conversations

I had another topic in mind for this post, but something else came up.  Last night Beth and I had a tense conversation.  As it deals with family I’ll leave out the details.  Needless to say my wife felt slighted by somethings done by relatives and I didn’t help the situation.  My immediate internal reaction was to defend myself and say she was being too sensitive, but I remember hearing from someone that when in a conflict don’t assume things about the other person-listen for their heart.

So, I worked hard to keep in my thoughts and just try to understand my wife’s heart and how this had hurt her.  I tried to communicate back that I understood how she felt that way and I apologized for my role in it. 

A little later we talked more about it and I explained my actions in the situation.  I didn’t try to defend myself, but just explain.  I also communicated that I would work on being different in those settings in the future.  I made a point to thank Beth for having the honesty to share what she did. 

I don’t like these kinds of conversations.  Who does?  Sometimes I’d rather avoid them.  But then I consider that this is the stuff of real relationships: facing the crud honestly…and together.

I think this applies to God too.  When I feel like He’s asking me to do something or change something, I want to try to hear His heart.  Instead of just reacting, I want to consider what is the bigger picture that the Lord has in mind?  When I read some story in the Bible, I am trying to ask: “What does this reflect about Your heart, Dad?”

But I also believe that our Abba wants our honesty too.  Abraham reasoned with God about the destruction of Sodom.  Jesus even argued with His Father about the cross when He prayed in the garden.  We are partners in life with the Lord.  Sometimes sharing life includes tough conversations. 

 Are there some tough conversations you need to have with your Abba?  Are you carrying around some pent up anger or disappointment with Him?  Are there things that you know the Spirit is encouraging you to do or change that you need to listen to His heart about?  It’s time for an honest talk.

I find that every time my wife and I go through a difficult time or discussion we always come out closer in the end because we work hard to be open, to be kind, and to listen.  God is that way to us and it’s a joy to be that way with Him.

Married to God? Teen Spirituality Part 2

People talk about having a “relationship with God.”  What the heck is that?  I don’t know about you, but it’s not very natural to have a relationship with someone that I can’t see, someone I can’t touch, someone I can’t hear. 

I’ll admit: it does take some development and work to figure out.  But, guess what: so do relationships with people that we can see, touch, and hear.  Yeah, you can be in contact with lots of people, but to have something called a “relation-ship” it takes some skill and effort.

Here’s the thing with my wife.  She’s on my mind a lot.  I like that.  When we’re at home together, I like to touch her when I walk past her.  Sometimes it’s because I think she’s a babe and sometimes just because I like her to know that I like her and know she’s there. 

When I’m at school I try to call her at least once during the day just to say hey.  Lately we’ve tried this thing where I leave her a longer message on her cell phone just to tell her what I’ve been thinking about lately.  It’s hard to find time for that level of communicating when you’ve got four lovely, but attention-needing, kids at home. 

When I come home from work we try to take a few minutes for just the two of us to talk about how our day was, the things that happened, and so forth. 

When it’s finally time to head to bed, and once the kids are down, we lay in bed and talk or read.  Either way we like to touch and be close. 

 

We also do date nights once a week.  We LOVE those!  We also get away for a weekend without our kiddos at least four times a year. 

So…what’s the point here?  Over the course of almost 15 years of being married we’ve developed a rhythm of being on each other’s minds.  It takes effort and planning and yet it’s so natural.  Do you want to relate to God?  Do the same thing.

Begin to train yourself to have Him on your mind.  It’s the same as texting your friends.  A lot of texting is just about random “whatever” stuff, but it’s meaningful because it says, “Hey, I like you enough to check in.” 

So, before a test or quiz, ask Him to help you, not because it’s a like magic spell, but because You know He cares.  In the car or bus on the way to school, talk to Him in your head.  I’m not talking about praying through some list.  I mean just talk.  Tell him what you’re thinking about, what you’re worried about that day, what you’re excited about. 

When something cool happens, say “Thanks, Dad.”  I make a point to always tell my wife thanks for little things she does.  I want to stay tender and tight with her.  I do the same with God. 

When you’re worried, get in the habit of talking to Him.  I often am saying, “Holy crap, God.  What do I do here?  Give me some insight.”

My favorite is just chatting with Him.

The Bible uses these words to describe what I’m talking about: “pray without ceasing.”  It means don’t stop praying.  You don’t need a “prayer time,” a list of requests, or a church service to do this.  It’s just relation-ship.  You get in the habit of having the One your love on your mind.

Now, usually when you’re in a relationship the other person talks back.  I’ll try to explain that one in another post. 

Married to God? Teen Spirituality Part 1

How the heck do you relate to God?  I mean He’s God for crying out loud!  That's really awkward!

Read the Bible.  Pray.  Go to church.  But…why do some of us do those things and still feel like we don’t connect with God in any meaningful way?

I’ve figured it out, though.  You can relate to God by meeting my wife.  J

No, really.  Here’s the thing about God (that a lot of church talk doesn’t always recognize): God is relational.  Go figure.  I mean, He is the one who made us in HIS image.  His “life story” is largely about making bridges of friendship with us.  One of the best ways we can gather on how to relate to Him, then, is by observing how relationships work.  And more specifically, how good, healthy, life-giving relationships work. 

Consider how you relate to a person in your family that you’re really tight with.  Or how you connect with a really good friend. 

For me, the first relationship I think of is: my marriage.  Now, I know you guys (the teens at least who read these posts) aren’t married, but I think this is worth something.  In a handful of upcoming posts I’d like to share some observations of how I’ve learned to relate to my wife in order to learn how we can relate to our Abba (Father).

The cool thing is that hopefully we’ll all learn to connect with God more realistically, but also learn a bit about marriage and relationships too.    

Dips, Screw Ups, and Conflict

I little while back I pulled a blunder.  I made a situation worse than it needed to be.  I had a student
 that I liked a lot.  We’ll call him Steve for the sake of the story.  He went to a class late and told that teacher that I had excused him when I hadn’t.  That teacher then found me and asked if it was true.  Of course I said it wasn’t and I got ticked. 

I usually don’t get that way, but my emotions started rolling and I wanted to talk to Steve.  I sauntered into the classroom where he was and called him out on it in front of the whole class.  I thought he was just going to be like, “Yeah, sorry.”  Instead he got mad and said some stuff and then I said stupid stuff back including using the term “B.S.” (way to be an example, Mr. Maechner).  Then Steve got sent to the office and I huffed away to my room where I began to realize: you did something really stupid, Kurt. 

I should have talked to Steve in the hallway or somewhere more private.  Instead I embarrassed him in class and provoked him to say things that got him in trouble.  There was also so much I didn’t know, things I found out later, things that Steve was dealing with, issues that he was wrestling with, and here I come thinking I can play tough guy. 

Have you ever felt this way?  You thought you were going to show somebody up or thought you would help somebody out and then ended up screwing everything up. 

I live on a street that has been under construction for some time.  There is part of the road that hasn’t been open for months.  I finally drove down it yesterday to see what they were doing. 

On our this street there were several dips where the road would narrow so much that it was easy to side swipe another car.  They were finally fixing these and that’s good because it was so dangerous!  Yet, there’s something I’ll miss.  Over time, people who knew that stretch of road were in the habit of stopping before each dip to see if someone was coming.  Often people would flash their lights or wave their hand to let some else through before they went down.  And if you let someone else go they would usually wave a Thank You when they passed.

Those dips are a lot like the crap we all face in life.  We all find ourselves in the dangerous dips of life from time to time.  But, what’s interesting is how these situations often force us closer to others in a way that doesn’t happen when all the streets are level.

As I brooded in my room after seeing Steve escorted to the office, I felt the Spirit saying, “Kurt, you’ve got to talk to him.”  Shoot.  I didn’t want to do that.  I wanted to get out of that dip and keep going.  I’m busy.  I’ve got things to do.  But the Spirit was right.

I went to find Steve and I apologized for my stupid move.  I explained what I should have done and that I was really sorry that I put him in this position.  He explained some of the things he had been dealing with and that helped make some sense out of the choices he had made.

I knew that talking to Steve wasn’t enough either.  The Spirit encouraged me to talk to our vice principal.  I needed to tell him my role in what happened in hopes that he would go easy on Steve.  That was humbling and embarrassing, but worth it.

I can’t say it fixed everything, and sometimes I wonder if I should have done more, but choosing to face the dip with Steve a bit brought some healing for us.  I still really enjoy him, and while wish that the situation hadn’t happened, it helped me know him, even a small level, a bit better than I did before.

Maybe you’re facing or are in a dip.  Maybe one way to help you through it is to look at the relationships that are being affected in it.  How can you step toward the people around you instead of running away and creating distance?  Could there be some healing or closeness that could result that might not have occurred if the dip never existed?

I think this is behind Jesus’ recommendation in Matthew when he basically said, “If there is someone holding something against you, skip church (or synagogue in that time) and go fix things.”  Relationship is high on God’s priority list.  Let’s try to make it high on ours.

Oh, and they are fixing all those dips on our street.  It’s much safer, but I admit, I’ll miss the ‘Thank You’ waves from other drivers.

Fears and Chihuahuas

This morning I had a stand-off with a Chihuahua.   Totally serious.  I go jogging in the mornings and I happened to be coming down a side street when I heard barking.  I looked around but didn’t see a dog, but I could tell it was close.  Suddenly, I looked down and saw this scrawny, little dog like the kind on those old Taco Bell commercials. 

It yapped and yapped and then started coming at me.  So, I did what anyone would do: I stopped and stared at it.  Then, strangely, it stopped and starred at me too (and kept barking of course).  I started to walk away, but then it came after me, so I stopped again and stared.  It stopped and stared. 

I started to walk away again and this time it got really close to me like it was going to bite me…or nibble (I don’t know what Chihuahuas do!).  I stopped again and it backed up and stared at me.  I was kind of scared of what this thing would do if I took off. 

Then I was like “What the heck?  It’s a stinkin’ Chihuahua!  Why should I be afraid of this thing?!”  And so I kicked it as hard as I could!!!  Ha, just kidding.  I stared a little longer and it eventually seemed to think I was getting boring so it walked away.  I walked away too and that was the end of it.

Aren’t our fears just like this?  We get so worried about stuff.  But, so often, we need to remind ourselves that our fears are just Chihuahuas.  Isn’t this what happened to the disciples in the boat with Jesus?  They were freaking out about their lives, but the creator of the world was in their boat.  He naturally asked them, after calming the storm, “Why were you so afraid?”

Satan is another Chihuahua.  We talk about him tempting us to sin and all that, but I wonder if more often he would rather just make us afraid, so he amplifies our fears.  If we are afraid we won’t take risks. And when you don’t take risks, it’s hard to impact the world.  What fear is facing you right now?  Does that fear overwhelm you?  Maybe it’s just that evil Chihuahua trying to convince you that you can’t do it, you’ll never make it, you’re not good enough, you should just give up, you should just settle. 

Yet, our Abba Father is saying, “It’s just a Chihuahua.  Listen to me.  You are bigger than that thing.  You can face this.  You can get through this.  And the best news is ‘you belong to God, dear children….The Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit (Satan) who lives in the world’ (1 John 4:4).  I am with you and in you.  We can face this together!  And not only can we face this together, we can climb new mountains and conquer new heights!  Let’s do this!”

Leaving on a Jet Plane

In light of my recent John Denver speech, I thought I'd share a classic Johnny D video from 1972!

Jesus is risen! Who cares?

How is Easter related to anything?  All of our churches hype it up.  Yes, Jesus is risen!  Who cares?!!  There are a ton of reasons to care and a ton of reasons that my life and your life is/can be different because of what happened on the first Easter.

We are people who want to run away.  We are afraid, afraid of life, afraid of death, afraid of what

others will think, afraid we won’t make it through stuff, afraid we’ll be found out.  And we are shamed.  We are ashamed of who we are, of how we feel, of how we’ve failed, of what we’re really like, of what we’re not, of things we can’t change. 

But on Easter, we see there was the One who knows every last detail of our lives and still dies for our love, who then shows that what happened to Him will happen to us: we WILL make it through, we WILL be loved, we WILL conquer those things that seem to say “the end.” 

Easter is a forward-looking event.  It speaks to the past and the present and says, “The story isn’t finished.  In fact, it is just beginning!”  Death will not have the last say.  Death of your dreams will not have the last say.  The anxiety and worry you feel will not have the last say.  The depression you’re under right now will not have the last say.  The pain of loss you’re feeling will not have the last say. 

We love a God of resurrection-One brings things, not just back to life, but a new kind of life.  When Jesus rose from the dead, he was still Jesus, but He was different.  He walked through walls, appeared and disappeared, and yet was still Himself. 

He doesn’t just fix things in life, he resurrects them-changes them-makes them even more meaningful than they were before.