Is it lust 2

I wanted to make a small clarification about the Brad Watson article that many of you read the other day.  Let me compare lust to anger.

Jesus says in Matthew 5 that “You have heard that it was said to our people long ago, ‘You must not murder anyone.' Anyone who murders another will be judged.’  But I tell you, if you are angry with a brother or sister, you will be judged.”

Is Jesus really saying that we should never be angry at someone?  By “angry” we mean feeling frustration at someone else for what they have done.  Of course, we can’t believe that’s what Jesus is talking about.  Being realistic tells us, He must mean something else.

Most of us would come to this conclusion: Jesus is saying that just because you don’t kill someone, doesn’t mean it’s okay to be nasty to them, speak ill of them, swear at them, or hope you can do wrong to them.  It is the ACTIONS that flow from a HEART that desires to harm, not our THOUGHTS. 

In other words, “Okay, fine, you haven’t murdered that boy that made fun of you, but you harm God’s heart still by talking nasty about him at lunch and looking for ways to embarrass him, if you could.”

The same is the case with lust.  Jesus says, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’  But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Jesus is not saying, “Don’t have sexual thoughts” or “Don’t be turned on by the sight of attractive people.”  He is saying, “Just because you don’t have sex with this other person, doesn’t mean it’s okay to make them feel uncomfortable with unwanted touches, or looks, or unwanted flirting.  Just because it doesn’t work, when you try to get them into a sexual situation, doesn’t mean you didn’t hurt the Father’s heart.” 

It is the ACTIONS that flow from a HEART that desires to take advantage of others.

Also, we must remember that Jesus is targeting married people.  Jesus was speaking to people in a time, when it wasn’t unusual for a man to have to leave his wife for long periods of time (because of slow travel or work etc.).   This left wives at home alone, unprotected, and vulnerable in a male-dominated society.  In essence, he was probably saying to some of the men, “You know that woman who is your neighbor whose husband is gone right now?  Just because you haven’t succeeded in seducing her, you have already harmed your Father’s heart by trying.” I suspect that Jesus was targeting this situation more than anything.

Appearance Myth #5: Good Looks are the Key to Finding a Good Guy/Girl

Image is important, yes.  But, here’s what’s really important: Becoming a person, hear that: a person, that is attractive.  It may seem like the best ways to win a guy are to show that you can party and are willing to hang all over him regardless of morals-that’s what our media tells young people at least-but a real “catch” is a girl who knows how to be fun, playful, sweet, inviting, and yet has dignity, knows how to stand up for what she believes in, has a real relationship with God, and has a life all her own without needing a guy to make her happy all the time. 

Ok, that may be a tall order for anyone.  We’re all in progress and we all have varying personalities that make some of these attributes more difficult or easier to come by. 

Anyway, these were the traits I was looking for when I met the girl who I married.  Honestly, I think she dresses more attractive today than she did back when I met her.  What I mean is that, yes she was good-looking, but her personality, the way she held herself, the passion she had for the Lord, her sweet, funny spirit, was the thing that attracted me to want to marry her.  I loved that we could laugh together and also have important conversations. 

I remember that when I would see her she would ask “How are you?”  Then we would talk.  Then, later in the conversation, she would ask “So, how are you really?”  I was blown away that this girl wanted to talk beyond the surface and had the guts to ask!  And, mind you, this was before we were dating. 

This equally applies to guys.  Yes, flirting has its place (I should say “flirting that is not degrading or done in a way that takes advantage"), but the best way to attract the kind of girl you really want is to be a guy that can be trusted, that has a listening ear, that knows how to treat a girl with respect, kindness, and yes, as the saying goes “like a princess.”  You know what most girls really want: a guy that knows how to communicate.  Learn how to talk about how your day was or what you are thinking…AND to ask others about those things. 

You might think: The girls always fall for bad guys.  Or guys always go for the girls who flaunt their bodies.  Just because a lot of people make bad choices, doesn’t mean you should change to turn into one of those choices.  On one hand, even ‘nice guys’ can learn to become adventurous (in positive ways) and even ‘plain girls’ can learn to express their femininity in a way that still feels comfortable.  And, yet, if you’re patient, smart girls will ditch the bad boys eventually and look for ‘good guys.’  And smart guys will eventually find ‘good girls’ to be the hottest thing out there.

Rappaccini's Daughter Audio Tracks

Here are audio versions of "Rapaccini's Daughter" for those of you in my English class.  You can listen to them here or download them (click on the down-pointed arrow).  They are divided by page number, though, if a page ends in the middle of a paragraph, I read through to the end of it on the next page.  The next page audio then begins with the first full paragraph.

Rappaccini's Daughter Audio Tracks

Here are audio versions of "Rapaccini's Daughter" for those of you in my English class.  You can listen to them here or download them (click on the down-pointed arrow).  They are divided by page number, though, if a page ends in the middle of a paragraph, I read through to the end of it on the next page.  The next page audio then begins with the first full paragraph.

Rappaccini's Daughter Audio Tracks

Here are audio versions of "Rapaccini's Daughter" for those of you in my English class.  You can listen to them here or download them (click on the down-pointed arrow).  They are divided by page number, though, if a page ends in the middle of a paragraph, I read through to the end of it on the next page.  The next page audio then begins with the first full paragraph.

Image Myth #4: How I Look Affects How I Feel About Myself

This is one of those, “not entirely a myth” myths.  People do say “it doesn’t matter what you look like.”  Yes and no.  As mentioned in previous posts, it does matter… in certain areas of life.  One particular area is in romantic relationships.  It does matter.  Guys are wired that way.  However, life is not only about romantic relationships.  Therefore, our self-esteem need not be based on one area of life. 

It is good to feel good about the way you look.  My wife feels better about herself when she is eating well and exercising.  It feels good to her to look fit and attractive to me.  Yet, she would be the first to admit that there are parts of her body that she wishes were different. 

 
But here’s the difference: my wife’s ‘center’ is not how she looks.  Her ‘center’ is also not based on if others find her attractive.  Her ‘center’ is: God intimately, personally, passionately loves me.  No one will ever have the perfect image, or anything for that matter.  As Psalm 62 says, let your soul find rest in God alone.  He is your rock and your fortress and you will never be shaken.  Once you have that peace, you can enter into making yourself look good (in a way that fits you) without worrying about it defining your self-worth.

Image Myth #3: Some girls are pretty and some aren't

There are many kinds of girls and there are many kinds of guys.  Guys vary in what they find attractive.  Some guys like a more relaxed style, natural girl, some like sharp dressing girls with makeup.  So, be you.  But you can do a lot, no matter what your size or shape.  There are very attractive heavier girls and there are some unattractive thin ones.  It’s irrelevant really.  In fact, I know of a woman who is at least in her 50s that looks better than a lot of girls in their 20s.  She works at it.  She makes her hair cute and she dresses in a way that reflects her femininity with style and dignity (and no, she doesn’t look like she’s trying too hard). 

Have you ever seen that home makeover show?  You can change the appearance of something with just a bit of care and by trying out a little bit of style.  When we moved to Berea we bought this ugly, brown, 1950s ranch house (BTW, the house in the pic is not ours).  But, my wife brought her sense of style to it in lots of little ways and we love our house now!  The same is true for any person’s appearance (girl or guy, for that matter).