The End is Near

Most of us are feeling it as the last day of school approaches. 

Some of you, seniors, are living it! 

It's really a thrill isn't it?  One thing I love about being a teacher is that you get to continue that feeling that you have as a student where things have a beginning and an end. 

Many jobs just go on and on and on.  Mine starts up with all the excitement, nervousness, and anticipation in August and then finally comes to a well needed conclusion in early June.

So when we think of the end of...life or the world, why does that get associated with sullenness and even anxiety?  Paul said in one of his letters that a crown awaits those who long for Jesus' appearance.  Did you catch that?  Long for. 

I have known my sweet friend Jesus, my dear Father, and my counselor, the Holy Spirit for over two decades, but I have yet to see them face-to-face.  I love my life, and yet, I anticipate with joy, I even long for, that day when I get to meet my Father and actually touch Him.

Is there a judgment at the end?  Yes, I believe there is.  But it is done by that same Dad, that same Friend.  I am trying to live in a way that makes Him proud, but I'm sure I'll disappoint Him in some ways too.  Either way, it's still my Dad that will greet me there and I know He's for me. 

That's a good ending.  It will also be the best new Beginning.

Fall in attraction; choose in love - Allegiant

Falling in love.

We all want it.  It might scare us, but our pulses beat a bit faster when we consider it happening to us.

But the word "fall" is problematic.

Falling is something happens to you.  You don't typically choose to fall.  We use this word with love because it is often surprising how we find ourselves attracted to someone of the opposite sex.

I, however, don't think we fall in love.  I think we "fall" in attraction and we choose to love.

Tris, in the Divergent series, has a longstanding relationship with Tobias.  In the 3rd book, Allegiant, they go through several major upheavals, and after one of them Tris says the following:

"I use to think that when people fell in love, they just landed where they landed, and they had no choice in the matter afterward.  And maybe that's true of beginnings, but it's not true of this, now.

"I fell in love with him.  But I don't stay with him by default as if there's no one else available to me.  I stay with him because I choose to, every day that I wake up, every day that we fight or lie to each other or disappoint each other.  I choose him over and over again, and he chooses me."

My wife and I often counsel dating and married couples.  I can tell you this: falling in love doesn't make relationships last.  But choosing that person again and again does.

On the flip side, you may end up dating someone that you "fell" into.  It's okay to recognize that, after a while, you may discover that you don't want to choose them anymore.  Don't be fooled by "but we fell in love."  If you discover that you don't work together well, or you are looking for something else, it's okay to let go.  Trust Your Shepherd to lead you.  You can find "true" love again.  True love, in reality, is the one you choose at an altar.

Will your faith stand the test? Allegiant

If you haven't already seen it in the news, a young wife in the country of Sudan has been sentenced to
death for becoming a follower of Jesus.  She argues that she was raised as a Christian so shouldn't be accused of committing apostasy, a law that makes it a crime to leave Islam.  Nevertheless, she was given three days to renounce her faith in Jesus, at the end of which she replied, I cannot.  I am a Christian.

Due to her being 8 months pregnant she will be hanged after giving birth.

Crazy, right?  Could you stick with your faith under that pressure?  Could I?

In Allegiant [MAJOR SPOILER ALERT!], the third book in the Divergent series, Tris chooses to die to save her brother and her city, when she could have let her brother die instead.  In fact, he had volunteered to do it.

Could I die for my brother?  Could I willingly sacrifice myself if needed?  Would I choose to die for Jesus if need be?

Have you ever beat yourself up a bit over these questions?

Here's a profound comment that comes from the very last page of the Allegiant book.  It is from Tobias:

"There are so many ways to be brave in this world.  Sometimes bravery involves laying down your life for something bigger than yourself, or for someone else.  Sometimes it involves giving up everything you have ever known, or everyone you have ever loved, for the sake of something greater.

"But sometimes it doesn't.

"Sometimes it is nothing more than gritting your teeth through pain, and the work of every day, the slow walk toward a better life.

"That is the sort of bravery I must have now."

Yes, there are some who will face those dramatic all-or-nothing moments.  But most of us will live 'normal' lives.  But normal lives can be truly extraordinary when you make daily sacrifices, sacrifices

to speak politely to your mom.
to not believe the gossip about your friend.
to say hello to the quiet kid that sits near you in math.
to daily serve your family.
to give up time on your phone so you can spend time with Father.
to believe and fight for your values

So, if the dramatic situations come our way, I'm trusting that Father will give us the strength we don't have in ourselves.  But, if we're faced with 'normal' life, I'm trusting He'll give us the same strength for that!

11th Period Romeo & Juliet Trailer

5-6th Period Romeo & Juliet Trailer

3rd Period Romeo & Juliet Trailer

1st Period Romeo & Juliet Trailer

Emotional Abuse

Chapel yesterday was sooo meaningful.  If you didn’t think so, count yourself blessed because you hopefully don’t have people in your life who manipulate you emotionally.

I wanted to add a few angles to yesterday’s discussion.  People want things from other people.  It may be love, attention, affection, agreement, sympathy, help, or any number of things.  All of us, as humans, are trying to figure out how to get them.  There are healthy ways and there are unhealthy ways.  The biggest unhealthy means of getting what you need is force.

Force can be physical or emotional. 

Using physical force, aka abuse, is a huge topic, but I want, instead, to focus on emotional force.  We often don’t think of this as abuse, but it is.  Do you know someone who makes you feel guilty if you don’t give them what they want?  Do they use crushing or sarcastic language that belittles you when they are unhappy?  Do they force you into situations and decisions that make you feel insignificant or even bad?  Do they withhold affection, touch, or love until you do what they say?  Are you frequently required to rescue them from problems that they created?

These are all examples of people invading your boundaries as a person.  Each of us has boundaries that God put in place.  He has designed us with things that are our responsibility and they belong to us.  But emotional abusers invade our boundaries, and if we don’t like it, they accuse us of being unloving.  These are people who ignore our God-given boundaries. 

Sometimes it is a parent who is this way.  Sometimes it is a friend.  Other times it may be a boyfriend or girlfriend.  It can even be a pastor, youth leader, or teacher.

Like our speaker mentioned in chapel yesterday, you have to begin by asking God to help you see where your boundaries are being violated.  Then begin to ask Him to show you where you can put limits on those violations.  Each situation is different and it is very challenging to do this.  But, and hear this, it is the most loving thing you can do for yourself and for that person, even though they will not like it.

I speak from experience with some close relatives that I had to put limits on.  For me that looked like standing up for myself when accused.  It also involved me not taking responsibility for their frequent bad moods.  I also had to mentally combat the harsh words they said to me with truth about how God loves me.  These were a few things God taught me. 

I know it’s targeted at adults, but I think the book Boundaries could help anyone.  I read it in college and it was transformative.  Here it is on Amazon

Teacher Superlatives: Should I care?

The other day our school, as some of you know, announced Teacher Superlatives at the beginning of

chapel.  It was a nice gesture, of course.  The funny part was that while myself and another teacher lead worship on alternate chapel days, he was awarded “most musically talented.”  I happened to be up front prepared to lead worship after the superlatives were done and an “oooo” rumbled through the crowd.

Throughout the rest of the school day students stopped in to mention that they thought I should have gotten that superlatives and I could tell they sincerely felt bad for me.  One of the student council members, who created the superlatives list, even stopped in to encourage me about it.

Here’s the irony: I didn’t care. 

Don’t get me wrong.  I appreciate what people said and that they cared about me, but clearly the value I place on Teacher Superlatives and the value students see in them is very different. 

This begs the question: Whose opinion should matter?  I’d like to say that “I don’t care what people think,” but c’mon, nobody can say that truthfully. 

Since the opinion of others does matter, we would do well to figure out which ones to take to heart. 

As always, I would argue that God’s opinion must be primary.  Psalm 62 says, “He is my rock and my fortress.  I will never be shaken.”  I rest, did you catch the word? I rest in God’s surrounding love of me.  Everyone can reject me, and that would be awful, but I rest knowing that “nothing can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8). 

After that, I ask, “Who knows me the most?  Who knows who I really am and actually cares about me?”  This isn’t just the people that you have fun with.  I can have fun with people who don’t ultimately care about me.  But the people that know me best, they are the ones who I take seriously and allow them some sway in how I feel about myself.  For me, my wife is this person.  But I also have two guy friends that would fall into this category, after my wife, of course.

Who is it for you?  Is it a family member?  Sometimes we may miss the fact that, in many cases, they truly do know us and care.  Yet, it may not always be the case.  Could it be a friend or friends?  Again, be careful.  Do they really know you?  Do they really care about you?  Don’t let them sway your self-worth if you can’t answer yes to both of these.  The same questions are true when it comes to a boyfriend or girlfriend. 

Another possibility is someone you look up to, like an adult, say a teacher, pastor, aunt or uncle, coach, etc.

All in all, opinions do matter.  Start first by telling God, “Father, help me truly to rest in your opinion of me over everyone else’s.  I surrender my fears of others’ opinions and need you to help me feel secure and worthy and enjoyed in your love.”

Then begin to figure out whose opinions count and where do they land on your priority list.  You’ll find yourself having a much easier time blowing off stuff like “Superlatives.”

What is the voice of God?

When I think about life, my purpose for getting up in the morning, the everyday things I do, the comings and goings of my day...my soul does a skip when I think this radical thought:

God has great things for me to do in this life.

God has great things for me to do in this life.

God has great things for me to do in this life.

God has great things for me to do in this life.

"The most secret, sacred wish that lies deep down at the bottom of your heart, the wonderful thing that you hardly dare to look at, or to think about...that is just the very thing that God is wishing you to do or to be for Him.  And the birth of that marvelous wish in your soul--the dawning of that secret dream--was the Voice of God Himself telling you to arise and come up higher because He had need of you."

-Emmet Fox (1886-1951)

Sex-positive Christians?

One of my classes recently asked, "What's your opinion on sex?"  Of course, it may have been asked purely to be funny, but here's the thing: We are constantly hearing people's opinions on sex in the  
media, whether from movies or Miley Cyrus.  How often do we hear it from Jesus followers?  And, if we do it hear it from a Jesus follower, is it just another "No, no, no" message? 

Well, in my attempt to answer this question in class, I made reference to an article that I think does a great job at explaining why people who live in the Father's love can actually be the most sex-positive people in our culture. 

Below is an excerpt from that article by Paul Byerly called "Sex-Positive Christians."

"To me, sex positive means being for things that lead to a long, enjoyable sex life, and being against things that prevent a long, enjoyable sex life. No matter how much someone might want or enjoy something today, if it is going to hurt their sex life in the long-term, then I do not see it as sex positive.

 

"A few examples from other areas of life will make this clear. Junk food tastes good, and brings pleasure to the body, but too much of it harms the body. Rock climbing without the proper equipment and training can bring a sense of accomplishment and a big adrenalin thrill, but it could lead to an injury that leaves you physically limited for the rest of your life.

"The secular (non-spiritually minded) sex positive crowd would tell us that most of the problems we see with sexual behaviors are really a result of cultural standards. They will tell you that those things do not really hurt anyone, and that the negative effects often seen are a result of cultural fear and guilt imposed on people by a sex negative society. That sounds good, but those who say it cannot offer any support for their claims. Those who want to be free to do whatever are happy with someone telling them the limitations are wrong – proof neither required nor expected!

"Many of the things attributed to culture, fear, and guilt have a bad habit of happening to people who abandon standards to have a good time sexually. As far back as the 1960’s feminism has been telling women they could enjoy impersonal sex just like men. Millions of women bought in to that and jumped into a life of sex for the sake of sex, but the vast majority have been disappointed. At best, they enjoy the sex physically, but feel empty emotionally. What’s more, most do not enjoy the sex that much physically. Several studies of the “hook up” culture have found that women are far less likely than men to experience orgasm in these situations. The same is true for "friends with benefits" arrangements and other casual sexual relationships; men get a lot more pleasure from the encounters. Decades of studies have found that couples who live together before marriage have a much higher divorce rate than those who do not. Studies on marital and sexual happiness give similar results – living together before marriage reduces both.

"Is there any proof that traditional ideas about sex lead to better sex? YES! Studies have found that

those who are most happy with their sex life are those who had only one sex partner in the last year. Studies find that married couples have more sex than non-married individuals of the same age do, while other studies have found that greater sexual frequency correlates strongly with being happier. Several long-term studies found that monogamy is beneficial to overall health, while promiscuity is harmful. This is true even if you control for sexually transmitted diseases. Both male commitment and being in a relationship improve the chances of a woman having an orgasm, and both increase her self-described enjoyment of sex regardless of whether or not she climaxes. A study of couples (most studies of sex are done on individuals) found that sex gets better and better the longer a couple is together. For women the best sex is with a man she has been with for decades.

"The evidence is clear; if you want the best sex, if you want the most frequent sex, choose sex in a committed marriage. We should not be surprised that doing as God instructs us leads to the best sex. God created our sexuality, and intended it for our good. Because God made sex exceptionally pleasurable, far more enjoyable than necessary to keep the human race going, it seems clear that He intended us to enjoy it a great deal. It thus makes sense that His rules and limits would result in the best sex.

"We believe that God intends for married couples to have sex passionately, frequently, and without guilt."