Robin Williams in the New Year

The other day my hot date (aka wife) and I went to the movies and saw Night at the Museum 3.  Oddly enough we never saw part 2, but all the other movies we were interested in seemed really
serious and we were in a light mood that day.

It was a fun flick, though, obviously targeted at a younger audience.  It's a little weird to see Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson being only moderately funny.  I'm not sure if that was the nature of the film or just poor screenplay writing.

The thing that struck me, however, was seeing Robin Williams.  By now we all know that he committed suicide earlier this year.  This film was his last on-screen role.  He plays the reincarnated Teddy Roosevelt and when Teddy gives his farewell lines it feels like Williams himself signing off.

I don't want to stand in judgment on why Robin Williams ended his own life, but his passing provides a good thought for each of us to consider as the New Year approaches.

It may be cliche, but people tend to make New Year's resolutions.  This year think of Robin Williams when you consider what you want.  He seemed to have all that many of us want: popularity, praise, admiration, adoration, money, possessions, an amazing career, and more...and yet his life ended as it did.

Again, there were surely many complicated factors leading to his death, but my point is this: the things we all fantasize about having are not enough to truly bring you wholeness.  There's nothing inherently bad about them; they can be very good things.

But there are better things.

Things for the soul.

As 2015 approaches, ask yourself and Jesus, what do I want for my soul this year?  I know most of my readers are teens or young adults.  There's so much else to focus on, and that's okay, but spend some time considering how to develop your soul, for all the other things in your life will be benefited by it.

So, what could you do this year to nourish your soul?
What habits could you create to draw you closer to your Father?

What bad beliefs keep you stuck in unnecessary guilt or anxiety?
What would help you live with greater peace?
What would help you live with more passion?
What hurts need to be healed?
What life-giving relationships can you develop?
What keeps you from letting yourself be loved by God?
What values do you want to see grow in your life?
What wrongs do you need to make right?
Who have you hurt and how can you make it right?

Those are just a few things to turn your mind toward the inner life.

Happy, meaningful New Year 2015.

Guilty of Lust? Part 2

Here's the rest of the quote from Is It Lust or Legalism by Brad Watson.

In Jesus' teaching, the man who compromises the marriage of another has a heart tainted by sin.  He has acted out of a heart filled with sinful lust and a spirit of adultery.  The lust is not there in his heart because of a night dream, a mental picture, or even a sexual fantasy.  He is not guilty because of sexual desire, but because he has made a heart decision to pursue a sinful course of action by making unlawful sexual advances on someone else's wife.  Even if he never fully succeeds in "going all the way," in Jesus' book, he is still an adulterer - maybe not physical adultery, but certainly an "adultery of the heart." 

Up to this point we have been discussing the unlawful pursuit of married women.  What about chasing after a married man, someone might ask?  In Biblical times it was lawful for a man to have multiple wives, so unmarried women could legally pursue marriage to men that were already married.  This is why the Law only referenced adultery as a sin which occurred with a married woman.  In today's society, with polygamy outlawed in most places, adultery would obviously include illicit pursuit of a married man as well as chasing after a wedded wife.

Interestingly, however, this scripture really has nothing directly to say about courting or dating behavior between unmarried people.  Many young people with hormones raging have been confused and discouraged by this passage.  How can they even pursue a spouse in a godly way without becoming sexually aroused to some degree?  And how can single people who are "looking" for a spouse keep from looking longingly into the eyes of someone with whom they are developing a loving relationship?  Thankfully, Jesus was not outlawing arousal, desire, or dating.  He was simply making the point that going after someone else's spouse was adultery from the start.  It violated God's law of love by underminding a marriage covenant and stealing from someone else.  But pursuing a romantic relationship with someone that is unmarried should not be considered wrong as long as it is free from manipulation or control and is properly submitted to godly counsel and authority.

(On a side note, I'm not sure what he means by "submitted to godly counsel and authority."  I'm assuming its a fancy way of saying that you have to be smart not to blow off good people's-those who know and love you-opinions when it comes to who you are dating.  When you're in love it's hard to hear what you don't want to hear.)

Guilty of Lust? Part 1

So, Jesus said something that appears to be really crazy.  It's so crazy that if you have any hormones in your body, then it will give you serious pause:

You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.' ²⁸ But I say, anyone

 who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
So if your eye—even your good eye—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.
³⁰ And if your hand—even your stronger hand—causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. Matthew 5:27-30


So, uh, does that mean that if you look at someone else because they're attractive to you then you are committing "adultery of the heart"?  That's certainly what I was taught in almost every single youth group, bible study, and Christian relationship book.

However, I have been finding more sources that understand where this is coming from better.  I want to quote at length from the book Is it Lust or Legalism by Brad Watson.  It is the best book I've ever read on the subject.  Today is part 1 of 2.  Here's part 1:

For the people of Israel, the Law of Moses was clear - having sex with someone else's wife was wrong.  Specifically, it was a sin against the woman's legitmate husband.  That was the technical definition of adultery.  Interestingly, having sex with an unmarried woman was not technically adultery.  Penalties were in place for a man who had sex with an unmarried virgin who was still a part of her father's household (and therefore her father's property under Jewish Law), but this was not considered adultery.  According to Jewish law, adultery actually occurred when an illicit sexual act was consummated between a man and a woman married to someone else.  The Matthew passage is therefore specifically referring to a man who is pursuing another man's wife.  Even the Greek word "gune," translated here "woman," could and in this case should be translated "wife."  This passage is specifically warning one man not to threaten the marriage of another by going after the other man's bride.

Jesus challenged some of the people's traditional way of thinking by claiming that it was not just intercourse with a married woman that was wrong, but even sexual advances towards her that made a man guilty of adultery.  In other words, Jesus eliminated a major "loophole" some had used to justify their bad behavior.  His words meant that a man who inappropriately made sexual advances towards another man's wife was already guilty of sin.  His sinful behavior exposed a heart already corrupted by a spirit of adultery even before any actual sex occurred.  Although the man was not technically (according to the Law of Moses) an adulterer if he had never actually taken the woman to bed; he was still, in God's eyes, guilty of sin.

This teaching from the Master revealed the heart of God's original command beyond its surface requirement.  Jesus wanted the Jewish people to honor their word, their covenants, and their brother's property.  In the ancient world women were definitely regarded as people, but also as property.  Adultery was seen as a theft against the legitimate husband and his entire family.  The one who "stole" a husband's "sexual property" (his wife) was not only coming between the husband and his wife, but also potentially robbing the entire family of legitimate heirs.  For if a woman was caught in adultery, any child born later would be suspected of being illegitimate.

The reason Jesus makes dramatic statements about "cutting out the eye," or "cutting off the hand" was that both the eye and the hand were used in the plot to steal the woman's heart.  A seductive look and an inappropriate touch made the eye and the hand the physical tools to work the evil of the heart.  This kind of teaching was not unique to Jesus.  The Babylonian Talmud (Jewish book of moral teaching) gives other examples of famous Jewish teachers using these same arguments, referring to eyes, hands, and feet that were responsible for adultery.  By referencing the eye and the hand, it becomes clear that Jesus was talking to the crowds about real external behavior as opposed to mere thoughts.  He was specifically rebuking men for staring inappropriately at married women or touching them in a sexual way.  He was pointing out that a persistent, lustful gaze and flirtatious, sexual touching of another man's wife was, in reality, the beginning stages of adultery.  Even though actual sex may never occur, it was still a sin against the woman's husband, and an attack on their marriage covenant.

Next time, Watson will comment a bit more on how this relates to your life, specifically as a single person.

Epistles: Reading Somebody Else's Mail

Have you ever "accidentally" read someone else's mail, email, or

text?  It can be a bit weird because you don't have a context for what they were talking about. 

This is a little bit what it is like to read what is called "the Letters" in the New Testament (also called the fancy term "The Epistles"). 

Here you are basically reading someone else's mail.  A chunk are written by Paul to groups of people in different cities.  For example, Ephesians is a letter from Paul to the Jesus followers in Ephesus.  Most of these are cities he had visited and spent time in.  Others are letters to specific people, like two letters he wrote to a young guy named Timothy. 

Paul, by the way, was a guy who never met Jesus while he was on earth.  Paul was a Pharisee, a particular type of Jewish religious scholar.  He tried to stop the Jesus movement, actually.  On his way to rat out some more Jesus people, Jesus himself blinds him in some crazy vision and tells him to visit a certain guy.  After Paul does this, he starts to follow Jesus himself and starts telling people all over the place about the message.  You can find this whole story in the book of Acts.

What's helpful to know about most of Paul's letters is how they're set up.  After his initial hellos, he spends a good portion talking about what is true (about Jesus, about people, about life, about the Father, etc.).  Then he often has a switching point where he goes basically, "Okay, since this - what I just wrote - is true, this is how it can affect how you live." 

But remember, you are reading someone else's mail.  When he makes some recommendations to the people in Corinth, for example, in 1 Corinthians, it doesn't mean that's God's answer for you.  They

had specific situations that Paul was addressing.  However, ask the Father how these letters relate to you.  He can use the texts to speak to you specifically, even though your situation may not be the same, nor the answers the same, as the ones in the letter.

There are several other letters in the New Testament too.  Three are written by John and two by Peter,
both Jesus' disciples.  One is by Jude, an early Jesus-follower.  We don't know who wrote Hebrews, but it's a great letter to some Jewish Christ-followers that explains how Jesus fulfilled the Old Covenant.  Finally, James wrote one, though it's not the disciple James.  It's most likely one of Jesus' younger brothers.  So Mary and Joseph were his parents. 

Well, I hope that gives you a little background on reading the Letters.  They are "somebody else's mail", but for centuries, people have found that Father speaks through them to create mail just for us.

Begin & Never Cease

I happened on this group The Oh Hellos and love their Christmas album.  The song "Begin and Never Cease" is the one I've been doing in chapel recently.  Here they are playing it live.  The studio version, is also on Youtube.  This is great music and authentic worship.  You can get the whole Christmas album for free on Noisetrade.com (it's totally legal too-artists like to get some of their work out there on this site for people to check out in the hopes that you might buy some of their stuff eventually).  Merry Christmas!

christmas songs are stupid

Christmas songs are stupid.


Justin Bieber in "Mistletoe" sings "lights fill the streets spreading so much cheer."





Christina Aguilera sings "this is the time of year to live in harmony" in "Christmas Time."








And Train shares,
"Once upon a time in a town like this
a little girl made a great big wish
to fill the world full of happiness
and be on Santa's magic list"
  in "Shake Up Christmas."

These are all lofty, nice values.  Who can criticize them?

Well, I do think they're stupid.  See "stupid" means, literally, to be lacking in knowledge.

Values have to come from somewhere.  They cannot last meaningfully for long like flowers that look nice in a vase but ultimately whither because the root has been severed.

So those songs that are about "winter cheer" and "good will" sound nice, but don't they feel a little silly?

In contrast the olds songs that recognize that the divine Creator looked at the suffering, lost individuals of the lonely planet Earth and He pulled all of His majesty, glory, and magnanimity into the locality of a vulnerable baby.  He has come on mission to make an irrepressible statement that the Creator is a Father that loves people personally and longs for their companionship.

With this in mind, the words "tidings of comfort" have meaning.

"Joy to the world!" means something.

Suddenly, there is life in the words "the hopes and fears of all the years are met in Thee tonight."

Ok, so I do enjoy the silly, but fun jingles of secular Christmas tunes.  But, for me, I love that my flowers have roots.

Stay out of bed

A few posts ago I quoted from this book that my wife and I are reading called The Birth Order Connection.  Over and over again we are amazed at Leman's real-life practical relationship wisdom.  I came across another quote that I wanted to share.

I know that in Christian circles you hear the "wait until marriage" mantra when it comes to sex.  I wanted to share Leman's version because, while he is a Christian, his book is not written for just them.  He has some interesting insights from having counseled couples as a psychologist for decades.  Here it is:

To stop means you're going to have to rise above your feelings.  One of the best ways to do this, frankly, is to stay out of bed.  I don't want to sound like a broken record, but premarital sexual intimacy has led more people into disastrous marriages than I could possibly count in my lifetime.  Sex masks what is really going on in a dating relationship.  Your body will betray your mind if you let it. 

Instead of being carried away by passion, make a few mental notes.  "What is it about this guy that is attracting me?"  "Why do I find myself drawn to this woman?"  As part of this analysis, you need to be aware of your weaknesses, whatever they may be: "I might be a bit starved for attention these days and easily overwhelmed by the fact that somebody actually wants to spend time with me.  I need to be careful."  Or this: "We always seem to have a good time, provided we end up in the sack.  I wonder what a date would be like if I told him I don't want to sleep with him anymore?"

Be bold and courageous in searching out your greatest fears.  If you suspect he may leave if you no longer sleep with him, try it out!  Confirm or dispel your suspicions; that's what dating is for.  If he hangs around, this relationship just may have a future.

One of the things I really think is valuable here is: sex ties you to someone before you know if you want to be tied to them.  Living together does the same thing.  It locks you in more significantly than the depth or commitment of your relationship really is.  I'd say we need to get back to what dating is really about: "trying people out" to see if they're worth marrying.  Yes, have fun, enjoy it, laugh, and so on, but do so with this in mind: I want to leave the 'exit' door open.  The more intimate you get, the tighter the exit door becomes. 

We all know that people start off dating on their best behavior because they want to impress.  That's okay; that's normal.  But remember that in time you will see more of the real person they truly are.  So, he or she may seem like the best thing that ever happened to you for the first few months, but give it time.  Go slow physically.  You will n e v e r regret going slow. 

So, let's say you give it time and you really do see a future.  Yes, you can feel free to narrow the exit.  Still, though, pace yourself.  No one gets married and says, "Gee, I wish we had jumped in the sack more (or at all) before we got married."

Again, Father has our happiness in mind.  He's really smart and this shows that his ideas make sense for us and our relational happiness.

What is Acts?

Have you ever had someone tell you what to do, but not make it practical?  They didn't give examples or show how they tried to live it out.

The New Testament has a really cool part that people often skip that puts skin on the teachings. 

It's called Acts.

Weird name, right? 

It's actually short for The Acts of the Apostles, or in more  'normal-speak' it's a book that shows the stories (or Actions) of the earliest Jesus-followers and how they tried to live out this very, very new way of life.

As an interesting side note, Luke wrote both the Gospel of Luke and Acts as one continuous story, though our bibles tend to put the Gospel of John in between them. 

Unfortunately, this book, while being a history, is often taught as if it is a book of "how-tos."  You'll often hear people say, "We need to look back at the early church and live like them." 

Sure, there is a purity to them that we want to follow.  They are so close to the life of Jesus that it's important to see what they were doing and saying.  On the other hand, they were new at this thing and didn't do everything right.  For example, they pick a disciple to replace Judas.  Why?  They just seemed to think they should.  How?  They rolled dice.  Huh?  Yep.  The guy they picked was Matthias, and...we never hear about the guy again.  Was he a bad choice?  Maybe. 

The beauty of the book is to see these young believers, transformed by the Holy Spirit, who are now living transformed lives.  They lived, they loved, they shared.  It's fun to watch all the different ways the Spirit leads them.  Sometimes they're all praying together and Father gives them an insight.  Other times they just thought something "seemed right" to them and the Holy Spirit.  Sometimes they make choices and later change their minds.  But all along they have this happiness and excitement about living life loved and led by the Father.

So, check out Acts and just enjoy the story.  Also, when you do go on to read the rest of the New Testament letters (also called epistles) it will give you some background to the situations those letters were written in.

Living Together?

This is a segment I took directly from this book by Kevin Leman that my wife and I are reading:

From early sex, today's dating darlings typically advance to "shacking up," or living together without being married.  The number of unmarried couples who live together in America increased by close to 1,000 percent between 1960 and 1998.  Whereas cohabitation before marriage was an anomaly in the early 1900s, today, over half of all marriages include some form of premarital cohabitation.

Supposedly, this living together is a form of trial marriage, a way of gathering vital information about a partner's character, but guess what?  This so-called "weeding-out" process actually works against the intended goal of lifelong, fulfilling marriage!  Instead of pulling weeds, it plants them!

A recent Penn State study found that couples who live together before getting married have poorer

communication skills when trying to solve a problem than those who didn't cohabit prior to marriage.  Study coauthor Catherine Cohan suggested that cohabitants "may have less invested in the relationship, leading them not to try to develop their skills."

Numerous studies have shown that cohabitation results in hurting women and men who have suffered numerous relational breakups, creating an ever-growing distrust of future relationships.  Such "quasi-commitments" actually weaken the mutual dedication and perseverance that is all-important for a successful marriage.  It's not too surprising, then, when Popenoe and Whitehead point out that only one in ten last five years or more.  Sadly, every one of these failed, cohabiting relationships makes you a little less fit to enjoy a lifelong, satisfying marriage.

I have counseled thousands of couples, before and after marriage.  Some of them have lived together before tying the knot.  Others never moved in together, but spent their share of time heating up the sheets.  Still others managed to stay of out bed and kept their own address until the day they got married.  Without equivocation I can say that if you want a marriage that takes you from your twenties until the day you die, that fulfills you and inspires others, that results in kindred-spirit communication and soul-mate loyalty, having sex before marriage and living together before marriage will take you in the wrong direction.  That's not the best way to find your true love.

4 Gospels: Why?

The Bible.  Let's figure this out.

Ok, so I suggested starting with the Gospels.  Here are some things that could help.

There's four.  What's up with that?

Four different guys wrote down their recollections of the things Jesus said and did.  It's like you and
your friends writing about what you did together last Saturday.  You'd all have different details because you experienced things from different angles, but generally you'd tell the same overall story.

This is the beauty of several different people sharing their take on experiencing Jesus.

Lots of people think Mark was the first because almost all of this material can be found in Matthew and Luke as well.  The idea is that Matthew and Luke borrowed from Mark's text and added things they knew.

Mark wasn't a disciple.  He was a friend of Peter.  So, mainly the Gospel of Mark is Mark writing down the things Peter shared.

Matthew focuses a bit more on how Jesus fulfilled the Old Testament stuff.

Luke emphasizes how Jesus reached out to people on the fringes of society. 

John is way different.  While the other three tellings focus on just writing down what Jesus did and said, John, who was a disciple, explains the significance and meaning of it all.  His is not told chronologically, but more in a thematic way. 

Some big deals in the Gospels are Matthew 5-7 and John 14-16. 
The first is the so-called "Sermon on the Mount" where Jesus tells what it's like to really live the life God longs for us to live.  It sounds quite crazy actually. 

The good news is that John 14-16 tells us how we can actually do it. 

You'll notice that all four tell the story of Jesus' crucifixion and resurrection, but mainly as an event.  They don't really get into what that all means for us.  The rest of the New Testament unpacks just what Jesus' death and resurrection did for us and how we can now live in the affection of the Father. 

This is just a little bit to give you some background.  When you read the Gospels, read to experience this Jesus, the same one living inside you now.  Meet Him, feel His love, learn from His encouragement.

The Bible is confusing!

Do it. 

Go ahead.

Start reading the Bible. 

If you make it through Genesis I'll be impressed.

If you get to Leviticus, I'll bet my non-existent cow that you'll give up.

If you are living inside the Father's affection and would love to read His story, then you probably want to read the Bible.  The trouble is that it's not put together like a story, though.

The Bible was arranged like a library.  There are sections like this:

The Old Testament has a history section, a poetry & wisdom literature section, and a prophetic book section.  They're not necessarily chronological.

The New Testament has History stuff (The Gospels and Acts), letters to groups of people, letters to specific people, and ends with a prophetic book.

Ok, great, but where do I start? 

Here's my recommendation-start in the life of Jesus.  All of the Old Testament is a lead-up to His arrival.  Everything after Him is the early Jesus-followers trying to figure out how to live a new life now that they had been changed by Him.

Don't feel the need to rush through the Gospels.  You could spend years just in the four Gospels.  Just read them until you feel like you are really getting to know this Jesus.  If you do, you are getting to know God because the letter to the Hebrews calls Jesus, "the radiance of God's glory, the full representation of His being."

And always remember, the Jesus that you are getting to know doesn't live in that book.  He is living inside of you.

Saturday Morning Sinners

Saturday Morning Sinners from Kurt Maechner on Vimeo.

You MUST go to church and read the Bible

So recently in my speech class students were learning how to teach a 30 minute group situation,
similar to a youth group or small group setting.  One group was addressing the question "What is the difference between believing in God and having a relationship with God?"  They asked the class this very question and here is the most frequent answer:

Someone with a relationship with God goes to church and reads their Bible.  

Sounds right doesn't it?

Do you know that the first Jesus followers for the first several hundred years did neither?

They didn't have churches in the sense that we use it today.  They didn't hold weekly services or congregational meetings.

They also didn't have a New Testament.  The documents that would become the New Testament were being written as letters and recollections, but they were not thought of as "The Bible" yet.  And even when it was, most people didn't have one in their homes until the invention of the Gutenberg Press in the 1400s.

How did they do it then?  How did they follow Jesus without weekly church services and daily Bible reading?

What did Jesus promise to leave them?  What did He tell them to wait for?

The Holy Spirit.

He would come and live inside of His people.  He Himself would shepherd us from inside our very hearts.  He would lead us into all truth, remind us of what He said, comfort us in our need, and fill us with strength in all circumstances.

So, then should we just ignore the Bible?  By no means!  I can get to Chicago without Mapquest, but

it will be tougher.  The Bible is a tremendous tool to help us on our journey of faith.  Let's rely,
though, on God Himself living in us, and His love, first and foremost.  Let us love Him with all our hearts.  The book is a tool, not the reality.

But that being said, the Bible is an incredible insight into the story of a Lover, the Father, seeking out people and then a story of the beloved, us, learning progressively how to live in that love.  Once we see it that way, we can stop using it as a legal document or a replacement for our Father, and instead, enjoy the love letter He gave us. 

God and a Girl

Let me tell you what happens with us guys when we like a girl.


You scare us...in a really cool way.

There is something so mysterious about a girl.  We can't figure her out.  She looks at things differently, sees the relationships differently, and has a way about her that is not like ours.

It inspires a sense of awe.

That awe pulls us toward her like one magnet to another.  It's a trap, but we want to get caught.  We need to know her, spend time with her, experience the world she lives in.

But something happens.  If we marry that girl, over time, the things that seemed so mysterious can suddenly become annoying.

For example, my wife is big on hospitality.  She invites people over, makes meals for them, talks and listens, and does everything to make them feel at home.  For a number of years I found this annoying because it's so unlike myself.  I didn't like the prep and clean up and disruption of my evenings.

But here's where it changed.  A few years ago, I realized this: Beth's hospitality was one of the things that drew me to her.  I loved how she made me feel so welcome, so comfortable, so able to open up.  I also saw how she did that with other people.  Her fragrance of love for God was so tangible in how she loved people.  My life was changed by it.

I needed to return to my state of awe for this girl, my girl!  I don't want to wryly say, "That's just Beth."  No!  That's my girl!  The one I married!  My bride!  She has a gift!

From then on, I have supported her so differently when we invite people over because I see the amazing lover that she is.

Isn't this the story of our relationship with God?

We are initially moved by his power, his love, his sacrifice, but then, over time, we lose the awe because we're used to it.

But the heart can be stirred. We don't need to let our emotions wither away.  We can stir the awe once again, and repeatedly.

So, remember again the craziness of the God of the universe loving you individually, the immensity of Jesus being nailed to a cross just to make a way to your heart, the tremendous peace you can have in life because Father cares for you, the unending power and leading the Holy Spirit gives you in tackling all the stuff of life, the incredible mission we get to be a part of on this earth with Him.  All these and more are worth it to recall, relive, and re-feel.

Intimacy with my wife is something I am willing to work hard for.  Intimacy with me is something my God works hard for.  I long to do the same for Him. 

Who Cares What You Believe?

Do you believe in saving the environment?
Do you believe in helping the poor?
Do you believe in saving endangered animals?
Do you believe in reaching the world for Christ?

Who cares? 

The above items are all what are called "Macro Values" or "big" values.  Really, the only way most people care about your Macro Values is when you live out good "Micro Values."

What are Micro Values?  Those are the way you treat people on a daily basis.  People like your mom and dad, your brothers and sisters, your friends, the people in choir with you, that weird kid in youth group, your teachers, your boyfriend or girlfriend. 

If you don't treat others with kindness and generosity, don't expect people to care a hill o' beans about your vision for saving panda bears or sharing Jesus with people in China. 

See, it's easy to have Macro Values, because for a lot of us it's mostly talk. 

Micro Values, though, are hard.  It's tough to not rip on your mom.  It's tough to help your brother.  It's tough to stop your bad mood from taking itself out on your teacher. 

Here's what you need though: a Micro Helper, called the Holy Spirit. 

See God used to operate in Macro.  He was with His people...as a group.  He resided in their temple.

In the new creation, as in after the coming of Jesus, Father goes Micro on us!


Now Father lives inside you.  Did you get that?  INSIDE YOU!  Learn to listen to Him.  Listen for those nudges that point you toward ways to love, that point you toward ways to help people open up, that point you toward ways to build up people's confidence.  Listen for when He's saying, "It's time for courage" or when He says, "Slow down, people need you.  Get some rest" or "Help that kid up on the opposite team."

To me, the most exciting part of life is to see yourself, the Micro you, transform into the glorious person you were made to be.

This is a process, not a one-time event.  I think, though, as your Micro Values become progressively a natural part of your heart, people will begin to...

care about what you believe.

The Vow

This is an article by Kathy L. Gilbert about the real couple that is portrayed in the movie, The Vow.  The original article is here: http://www.umc.org/news-and-media/the-vow-a-real-love-story-of-faith

How seriously do you take the vow, "till death do us part?"

If you look at the statistics - half of all first-time marriages end in divorce - it seems not too many people say "I do" forever.

The Vow, a movie based on Kim and Krickitt Carpenter's story, debuted Feb. 10 and was the top movie of the weekend, making $41.7 million. However, the romantic movie is not even close to telling the true story of faith and commitment that has kept the Carpenters devoted to each other for 20 years.

Their saga began 10 weeks after their wedding on Sept. 18, 1993. They were in a serious automobile accident that left Krickitt with no memories of her husband or their new marriage. She suffered a severe brain trauma that wiped out 18 months of her life - the entire time she and Kim met, dated and married.

While he was still madly in love with her, he was a stranger she wanted nothing to do with.  The glue that kept them together was their faith in Christ and the promise they had made before God.

The Carpenters attend First United Methodist Church in Farmington, N.M. "Both of us know unconditionally we would not have made it through this ordeal without the Lord being in the center of it all," Kim Carpenter told United Methodist News Service.

Krickitt spent months in a coma and then months more in physical therapy, but she has never regained those 18 months of memory. Her recovery was slow, her personality changed and at times she told Kim she hated him.

"At a low point in my life, I didn't think this marriage was going to work. I didn't have the faith that we were going to make it," Kim said. "At the same time, I wasn't going to leave her in the state she was in; I was vowing to stay with her."

 

 Story gets out

The media first learned of their story when a reporter came to interview Kim about his work as a

baseball coach. In the course of the conversation, the story came out.
When the Carpenters renewed their vows and had a second wedding in 1996, it was a media circus. People were amazed and encouraged by their story, so Krickitt asked God to use their story to show others his amazing love and power.

They wrote a book about their story in 2000 and updated the book to coincide with the opening of the movie on Feb. 10.

"We enjoyed the movie but we were a little frustrated by the artistic license they took," Kim said. "The dramatization in the movie was much greater, but it is hard to put 20 years of challenges into 103 minutes."

Enduring faith

Krickitt's faith never faltered, and she never considered divorce.

"A Scripture I really hold onto is Philippians 4:13: 'I can do all things through him who strengthens me.' I believed I was called according to God's purpose, and I followed with my whole heart," she said.

Kim said he has taken offense to some of the media reporting him as "heroic, courageous, manly."
They insist they are an ordinary couple with two children, Danny and LeeAnn.

"It is amazing we live in a world that there is such a big deal made about a man and woman who simply did what we said we were going to do," Kim said.

The book and the movie are providing a platform for them to talk about their faith.

"People all over the world are seeking something higher, some message," Kim said. "We have been
very grateful for the prayers and well wishes we have received. We know the Lord is not going to give us more than we can handle."

*Gilbert is a multimedia reporter for the young adult content team at United Methodist Communications, Nashville, Tenn.

Is it Lust? 2

I wanted to make a small clarification about the Brad Watson article that many of you read the other day.  Let me compare lust to anger.

Jesus says in Matthew 5 that “You have heard that it was said to our people long ago, ‘You must not murder anyone.' Anyone who murders another will be judged.’  But I tell you, if you are angry with a brother or sister, you will be judged.”

Is Jesus really saying that we should never be angry at someone?  By “angry” we mean feeling frustration at someone else for what they have done.  Of course, we can’t believe that’s what Jesus is talking about.  Being realistic tells us, He must mean something else.

Most of us would come to this conclusion: Jesus is saying that just because you don’t kill someone, doesn’t mean it’s okay to be nasty to them, speak ill of them, swear at them, or hope you can do wrong to them.  It is the ACTIONS that flow from a HEART that desires to harm, not our THOUGHTS. 

In other words, “Okay, fine, you haven’t murdered that boy that made fun of you, but you harm God’s heart still by talking nasty about him at lunch and looking for ways to embarrass him, if you could.”

The same is the case with lust.  Jesus says, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’  But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Jesus is not saying, “Don’t have sexual thoughts” or “Don’t be turned on by the sight of attractive people.”  He is saying, “Just because you don’t have sex with this other person, doesn’t mean it’s okay to make them feel uncomfortable with unwanted touches, or looks, or unwanted flirting.  Just because it doesn’t work, when you try to get them into a sexual situation, doesn’t mean you didn’t hurt the Father’s heart.” 

It is the ACTIONS that flow from a HEART that desires to take advantage of others.

Also, we must remember that Jesus is targeting married people.  Jesus was speaking to people in a time, when it wasn’t unusual for a man to have to leave his wife for long periods of time (because of slow travel or work etc.).   This left wives at home alone, unprotected, and vulnerable in a male-dominated society.  In essence, he was probably saying to some of the men, “You know that woman who is your neighbor whose husband is gone right now?  Just because you haven’t succeeded in seducing her, you have already harmed your Father’s heart by trying.” I suspect that Jesus was targeting this situation more than anything.

Can love and lust coexist?

I've noticed an interesting mash-up during our debates as of late.  Here is an argument I heard several times as we tried to analyze which characters in the stories we studied had the most pure love:

Such-and-such character's love was more pure because there was no lust. 


There are two problems I see here for the Christ-follower:

1. They are using the word "lust" incorrectly.  They are using the word to mean "physical desire."  Lust is not physical desire.  I desire my wife physically, but that doesn't mean I lust after her.  In the Christian use of the word, "lust" is to plot to lure someone into a sexual situation when that situation is morally wrong. 

Admittedly, most of American society does not use the term in its biblical sense.  They do see "lust" not necessarily as a bad thing, but as one's physical desire for another.

2.  Regardless of the use of the term, the real problem with the argument is the implication that desiring someone physically inherently makes love impure. 

I would say the following is more accurate: Desiring someone only for physical pleasure or predominantly for physical pleasure makes love either non-existent (in the first case) or definitely less pure (in the second).

But if love is accompanied by physical desire that is not only okay, but holy.  The erotic love poem, "The Song of Solomon" in the Bible is evidence of God's joy in a man and a woman loving each other and desiring each other at the same time. 

We are not just spirits.  God has made us both spirit and body (Jesus came as both, not just a spirit, as well) and to have someone love and enjoy both is the fullness of love.  In fact, that is the thing that only a marriage has.  You do not love your friend's body, nor your relatives'.  But you do love both your wife or husband's person and body.

The challenge is for the unmarried Christ-follower who is trying to keep the greatest body-love experience of lovemaking for marriage.  It is a bit of a tight rope walk.  You may be dating someone and honestly find yourself really drawn to not only their personality, but also their body.  Your goal is to find ways to express that love in its right timing and in a way that respects your significant other's boundaries and comfort level. 

Like a fire, physical desire can easily get out of control while dating, so you have to put up walls

around that fire so that it only goes so far.  But the good news is that Father didn't just give you a book; He gave you the Holy Spirit.  Listen for His leading in how to best love your boyfriend or girlfriend.  Trust that He cares about your relationship and your desires and wants to lead you.

The cool thing is that one of the most important symbols of Jesus' love for His people is the image of a bride and a groom (see Ephesians 5:28-33).  That love in human terms is insanely personal and also saturated in physical desire for each other.  God wasn't afraid of that comparison and seems to think it can represent pure love. 

Is It Lust?

One of the challenges of life is that love is interwoven with sexual desire.  Desire, however, operates inside of each of us, regardless of whether we are in a romantic relationship or not.

So, what do you do with it?  One side of our world says to do whatever you want.  It doesn't really matter.  Then, for some of us who are Christ-followers, we have another community around us that has opinions about how to deal with our sexual desires.  In my experiences, that community often strives to give us lots of "NO's", but doesn't often speak to the reality of the intensity of our urges.

One author that, I believe, writes with more clarity than almost any other I have found is Brad Watson, a pastor, and an author of the book Is It Lust or Legalism.  He wrote an article in Charisma Magazine that gives a taste of what God taught him on this subject.  Check it out here:  Is It Lust or Legalism?

I'd like to get some dialogue running about Brad's article.


After reading Brad's article, here are some questions I think that are worth exploring:

Is this practical?
Is Watson giving too much freedom to our thoughts?
Is Watson's advice similar or different to what you've been taught elsewhere?
Do you think he's right?
Should we even care about this stuff?

Dating INward

Love is not just the domain of chick flicks and cheesy pop songs.  Love is also the domain of the greatest literature and art in the history of mankind.  Even God, when trying to explain the intensity of the passion between the Messiah and His people, compared them to the passion between a bride and a groom.

This is because one of the most dangerous, exciting, and satisfying journeys of life is the adventure of finding and learning to love one person, and love them well.

One contemporary author who writes a great deal about love is Debra K. Fileta.  She is a regular relationship columnist for Relevant Magazine.  Read her article: Here's How to Find True Love


I'd like to get some dialogue running about Fileta's three concepts of dating inward, outward, and upward.

After reading about dating inward in her article, here are some questions I think that are worth exploring:

What in the world does it mean to "get to know yourself"?
Why is dating inward important to a relationship?

Dating UPward

Love is not just the domain of chick flicks and cheesy pop songs.  Love is also the domain of the greatest literature and art in the history of mankind.  Even God, when trying to explain the intensity of the passion between the Messiah and His people, compared them to the passion between a bride and a groom.

This is because one of the most dangerous, exciting, and satisfying journeys of life is the adventure of finding and learning to love one person, and love them well.

One contemporary author who writes a great deal about love is Debra K. Fileta.  She is a regular relationship columnist for Relevant Magazine.  Read her article: Here's How to Find True Love



I'd like to get some dialogue running about Fileta's three concepts of dating inward, outward, and upward.

After reading about dating upward in her article, here are some questions I think that are worth exploring:

How does a normal teen actually do this?
What does it practically mean to allow God's "definition of love to permeate your relationships"?
How will dating look differently if God is involved?

Can Love Really Last?

If I just find the right one then...

If I just marry a good guy then...
If I just marry someone who is a Christian then...
If I just find someone who has the same sense of humor then...
If I just end up with a girl that likes the same stuff as me then...

...then I will stay in love forever.
...then I will always feel this way.
...then we will always be happy.

You probably have figured out by now that the above statements are not true.  So, what are your options? 

Despair    or    Denial.

Despair: romance never lasts so you take it while you can. (That's sad)
Denial: I'm different and I'll find lasting romance. (Good luck)

I'd like to propose "D" number 3: Determined.

Falling in love is aptly named.  Most people find themselves "falling" into it.  It's almost as if the invisible Cupid shot an arrow.  How you meet someone and fall in love is mysterious and wonder-full. 

It makes sense, then, to think, like most people do, that it is natural to stay in the love that you fell into (assuming you found the "right" person of course).

But it doesn't.  And the sooner you realize it, the happier you will be.  Romance, long-term romance, life-lasting romance, requires determined effort. 

You must believe that it can happen, that you can be "in love" for a lifetime, but that it will not "just happen" and is a lot harder than it seems. 

Romance is feelings-based and anyone who has lived long enough realizes that feelings don't stay constant.  They go up and down.  Just think about how you feel about your parents or siblings! 

To maintain a feeling, you have to cultivate it with actions.  These things are natural in the early stages of a relationship because that's all you really do together is cultivate your relationship.  You go on dates, you text each other, you write sweet notes, you dress up for the other, you put on cologne, you buy gifts, you think about the other, and so on.

When you get married, or even if you date for a lengthy amount of time, you begin to do 'routine' life together.  For married people that includes doing dishes, cutting the grass, raising children, going to work, cleaning the house.  For dating people that can be things like studying together, going to siblings' birthday parties, sitting in study hall or eating lunch at the same table, going to a football game together. 

When routine sets in, that's when you have to be Determined-determine to fan the fire of your romance.  This sounds very unromantic, but send a text even when you're tired, write a note even when you're busy with other things, say encouraging words even when you're in a bad mood, be affectionate even if your mind is preoccupied with work or homework, say something kind instead something snarky when you're annoyed. 

Romance is a fire that will slowly, but surely, die out if you don't keep putting wood on the fire and move the sticks around to give the right air flow-especially when you don't feel the 'mood.'

I have seen people give up on the fire in real life all the time.  They stop doing the things that attracted them to each other in the first place.  Resentment sets in, bitterness arises, defensiveness seals off openness, and anger takes the place of sweetness. 

So, you're a teen or young adult.  Why care about all this now?  If you plan on becoming a doctor, would you say, "Well, I'm not a doctor yet, so why should I learn about medicine now?"  No, you'd go to school and start studying bio!  Do the same with romance now: Be Determined.