Robin Williams in the New Year

The other day my hot date (aka wife) and I went to the movies and saw Night at the Museum 3.  Oddly enough we never saw part 2, but all the other movies we were interested in seemed really
serious and we were in a light mood that day.

It was a fun flick, though, obviously targeted at a younger audience.  It's a little weird to see Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson being only moderately funny.  I'm not sure if that was the nature of the film or just poor screenplay writing.

The thing that struck me, however, was seeing Robin Williams.  By now we all know that he committed suicide earlier this year.  This film was his last on-screen role.  He plays the reincarnated Teddy Roosevelt and when Teddy gives his farewell lines it feels like Williams himself signing off.

I don't want to stand in judgment on why Robin Williams ended his own life, but his passing provides a good thought for each of us to consider as the New Year approaches.

It may be cliche, but people tend to make New Year's resolutions.  This year think of Robin Williams when you consider what you want.  He seemed to have all that many of us want: popularity, praise, admiration, adoration, money, possessions, an amazing career, and more...and yet his life ended as it did.

Again, there were surely many complicated factors leading to his death, but my point is this: the things we all fantasize about having are not enough to truly bring you wholeness.  There's nothing inherently bad about them; they can be very good things.

But there are better things.

Things for the soul.

As 2015 approaches, ask yourself and Jesus, what do I want for my soul this year?  I know most of my readers are teens or young adults.  There's so much else to focus on, and that's okay, but spend some time considering how to develop your soul, for all the other things in your life will be benefited by it.

So, what could you do this year to nourish your soul?
What habits could you create to draw you closer to your Father?

What bad beliefs keep you stuck in unnecessary guilt or anxiety?
What would help you live with greater peace?
What would help you live with more passion?
What hurts need to be healed?
What life-giving relationships can you develop?
What keeps you from letting yourself be loved by God?
What values do you want to see grow in your life?
What wrongs do you need to make right?
Who have you hurt and how can you make it right?

Those are just a few things to turn your mind toward the inner life.

Happy, meaningful New Year 2015.

Guilty of Lust? Part 2

Here's the rest of the quote from Is It Lust or Legalism by Brad Watson.

In Jesus' teaching, the man who compromises the marriage of another has a heart tainted by sin.  He has acted out of a heart filled with sinful lust and a spirit of adultery.  The lust is not there in his heart because of a night dream, a mental picture, or even a sexual fantasy.  He is not guilty because of sexual desire, but because he has made a heart decision to pursue a sinful course of action by making unlawful sexual advances on someone else's wife.  Even if he never fully succeeds in "going all the way," in Jesus' book, he is still an adulterer - maybe not physical adultery, but certainly an "adultery of the heart." 

Up to this point we have been discussing the unlawful pursuit of married women.  What about chasing after a married man, someone might ask?  In Biblical times it was lawful for a man to have multiple wives, so unmarried women could legally pursue marriage to men that were already married.  This is why the Law only referenced adultery as a sin which occurred with a married woman.  In today's society, with polygamy outlawed in most places, adultery would obviously include illicit pursuit of a married man as well as chasing after a wedded wife.

Interestingly, however, this scripture really has nothing directly to say about courting or dating behavior between unmarried people.  Many young people with hormones raging have been confused and discouraged by this passage.  How can they even pursue a spouse in a godly way without becoming sexually aroused to some degree?  And how can single people who are "looking" for a spouse keep from looking longingly into the eyes of someone with whom they are developing a loving relationship?  Thankfully, Jesus was not outlawing arousal, desire, or dating.  He was simply making the point that going after someone else's spouse was adultery from the start.  It violated God's law of love by underminding a marriage covenant and stealing from someone else.  But pursuing a romantic relationship with someone that is unmarried should not be considered wrong as long as it is free from manipulation or control and is properly submitted to godly counsel and authority.

(On a side note, I'm not sure what he means by "submitted to godly counsel and authority."  I'm assuming its a fancy way of saying that you have to be smart not to blow off good people's-those who know and love you-opinions when it comes to who you are dating.  When you're in love it's hard to hear what you don't want to hear.)

Guilty of Lust? Part 1

So, Jesus said something that appears to be really crazy.  It's so crazy that if you have any hormones in your body, then it will give you serious pause:

You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.' ²⁸ But I say, anyone

 who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
So if your eye—even your good eye—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.
³⁰ And if your hand—even your stronger hand—causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. Matthew 5:27-30


So, uh, does that mean that if you look at someone else because they're attractive to you then you are committing "adultery of the heart"?  That's certainly what I was taught in almost every single youth group, bible study, and Christian relationship book.

However, I have been finding more sources that understand where this is coming from better.  I want to quote at length from the book Is it Lust or Legalism by Brad Watson.  It is the best book I've ever read on the subject.  Today is part 1 of 2.  Here's part 1:

For the people of Israel, the Law of Moses was clear - having sex with someone else's wife was wrong.  Specifically, it was a sin against the woman's legitmate husband.  That was the technical definition of adultery.  Interestingly, having sex with an unmarried woman was not technically adultery.  Penalties were in place for a man who had sex with an unmarried virgin who was still a part of her father's household (and therefore her father's property under Jewish Law), but this was not considered adultery.  According to Jewish law, adultery actually occurred when an illicit sexual act was consummated between a man and a woman married to someone else.  The Matthew passage is therefore specifically referring to a man who is pursuing another man's wife.  Even the Greek word "gune," translated here "woman," could and in this case should be translated "wife."  This passage is specifically warning one man not to threaten the marriage of another by going after the other man's bride.

Jesus challenged some of the people's traditional way of thinking by claiming that it was not just intercourse with a married woman that was wrong, but even sexual advances towards her that made a man guilty of adultery.  In other words, Jesus eliminated a major "loophole" some had used to justify their bad behavior.  His words meant that a man who inappropriately made sexual advances towards another man's wife was already guilty of sin.  His sinful behavior exposed a heart already corrupted by a spirit of adultery even before any actual sex occurred.  Although the man was not technically (according to the Law of Moses) an adulterer if he had never actually taken the woman to bed; he was still, in God's eyes, guilty of sin.

This teaching from the Master revealed the heart of God's original command beyond its surface requirement.  Jesus wanted the Jewish people to honor their word, their covenants, and their brother's property.  In the ancient world women were definitely regarded as people, but also as property.  Adultery was seen as a theft against the legitimate husband and his entire family.  The one who "stole" a husband's "sexual property" (his wife) was not only coming between the husband and his wife, but also potentially robbing the entire family of legitimate heirs.  For if a woman was caught in adultery, any child born later would be suspected of being illegitimate.

The reason Jesus makes dramatic statements about "cutting out the eye," or "cutting off the hand" was that both the eye and the hand were used in the plot to steal the woman's heart.  A seductive look and an inappropriate touch made the eye and the hand the physical tools to work the evil of the heart.  This kind of teaching was not unique to Jesus.  The Babylonian Talmud (Jewish book of moral teaching) gives other examples of famous Jewish teachers using these same arguments, referring to eyes, hands, and feet that were responsible for adultery.  By referencing the eye and the hand, it becomes clear that Jesus was talking to the crowds about real external behavior as opposed to mere thoughts.  He was specifically rebuking men for staring inappropriately at married women or touching them in a sexual way.  He was pointing out that a persistent, lustful gaze and flirtatious, sexual touching of another man's wife was, in reality, the beginning stages of adultery.  Even though actual sex may never occur, it was still a sin against the woman's husband, and an attack on their marriage covenant.

Next time, Watson will comment a bit more on how this relates to your life, specifically as a single person.

Epistles: Reading Somebody Else's Mail

Have you ever "accidentally" read someone else's mail, email, or

text?  It can be a bit weird because you don't have a context for what they were talking about. 

This is a little bit what it is like to read what is called "the Letters" in the New Testament (also called the fancy term "The Epistles"). 

Here you are basically reading someone else's mail.  A chunk are written by Paul to groups of people in different cities.  For example, Ephesians is a letter from Paul to the Jesus followers in Ephesus.  Most of these are cities he had visited and spent time in.  Others are letters to specific people, like two letters he wrote to a young guy named Timothy. 

Paul, by the way, was a guy who never met Jesus while he was on earth.  Paul was a Pharisee, a particular type of Jewish religious scholar.  He tried to stop the Jesus movement, actually.  On his way to rat out some more Jesus people, Jesus himself blinds him in some crazy vision and tells him to visit a certain guy.  After Paul does this, he starts to follow Jesus himself and starts telling people all over the place about the message.  You can find this whole story in the book of Acts.

What's helpful to know about most of Paul's letters is how they're set up.  After his initial hellos, he spends a good portion talking about what is true (about Jesus, about people, about life, about the Father, etc.).  Then he often has a switching point where he goes basically, "Okay, since this - what I just wrote - is true, this is how it can affect how you live." 

But remember, you are reading someone else's mail.  When he makes some recommendations to the people in Corinth, for example, in 1 Corinthians, it doesn't mean that's God's answer for you.  They

had specific situations that Paul was addressing.  However, ask the Father how these letters relate to you.  He can use the texts to speak to you specifically, even though your situation may not be the same, nor the answers the same, as the ones in the letter.

There are several other letters in the New Testament too.  Three are written by John and two by Peter,
both Jesus' disciples.  One is by Jude, an early Jesus-follower.  We don't know who wrote Hebrews, but it's a great letter to some Jewish Christ-followers that explains how Jesus fulfilled the Old Covenant.  Finally, James wrote one, though it's not the disciple James.  It's most likely one of Jesus' younger brothers.  So Mary and Joseph were his parents. 

Well, I hope that gives you a little background on reading the Letters.  They are "somebody else's mail", but for centuries, people have found that Father speaks through them to create mail just for us.

Begin & Never Cease

I happened on this group The Oh Hellos and love their Christmas album.  The song "Begin and Never Cease" is the one I've been doing in chapel recently.  Here they are playing it live.  The studio version, is also on Youtube.  This is great music and authentic worship.  You can get the whole Christmas album for free on Noisetrade.com (it's totally legal too-artists like to get some of their work out there on this site for people to check out in the hopes that you might buy some of their stuff eventually).  Merry Christmas!

christmas songs are stupid

Christmas songs are stupid.


Justin Bieber in "Mistletoe" sings "lights fill the streets spreading so much cheer."





Christina Aguilera sings "this is the time of year to live in harmony" in "Christmas Time."








And Train shares,
"Once upon a time in a town like this
a little girl made a great big wish
to fill the world full of happiness
and be on Santa's magic list"
  in "Shake Up Christmas."

These are all lofty, nice values.  Who can criticize them?

Well, I do think they're stupid.  See "stupid" means, literally, to be lacking in knowledge.

Values have to come from somewhere.  They cannot last meaningfully for long like flowers that look nice in a vase but ultimately whither because the root has been severed.

So those songs that are about "winter cheer" and "good will" sound nice, but don't they feel a little silly?

In contrast the olds songs that recognize that the divine Creator looked at the suffering, lost individuals of the lonely planet Earth and He pulled all of His majesty, glory, and magnanimity into the locality of a vulnerable baby.  He has come on mission to make an irrepressible statement that the Creator is a Father that loves people personally and longs for their companionship.

With this in mind, the words "tidings of comfort" have meaning.

"Joy to the world!" means something.

Suddenly, there is life in the words "the hopes and fears of all the years are met in Thee tonight."

Ok, so I do enjoy the silly, but fun jingles of secular Christmas tunes.  But, for me, I love that my flowers have roots.

Stay out of bed

A few posts ago I quoted from this book that my wife and I are reading called The Birth Order Connection.  Over and over again we are amazed at Leman's real-life practical relationship wisdom.  I came across another quote that I wanted to share.

I know that in Christian circles you hear the "wait until marriage" mantra when it comes to sex.  I wanted to share Leman's version because, while he is a Christian, his book is not written for just them.  He has some interesting insights from having counseled couples as a psychologist for decades.  Here it is:

To stop means you're going to have to rise above your feelings.  One of the best ways to do this, frankly, is to stay out of bed.  I don't want to sound like a broken record, but premarital sexual intimacy has led more people into disastrous marriages than I could possibly count in my lifetime.  Sex masks what is really going on in a dating relationship.  Your body will betray your mind if you let it. 

Instead of being carried away by passion, make a few mental notes.  "What is it about this guy that is attracting me?"  "Why do I find myself drawn to this woman?"  As part of this analysis, you need to be aware of your weaknesses, whatever they may be: "I might be a bit starved for attention these days and easily overwhelmed by the fact that somebody actually wants to spend time with me.  I need to be careful."  Or this: "We always seem to have a good time, provided we end up in the sack.  I wonder what a date would be like if I told him I don't want to sleep with him anymore?"

Be bold and courageous in searching out your greatest fears.  If you suspect he may leave if you no longer sleep with him, try it out!  Confirm or dispel your suspicions; that's what dating is for.  If he hangs around, this relationship just may have a future.

One of the things I really think is valuable here is: sex ties you to someone before you know if you want to be tied to them.  Living together does the same thing.  It locks you in more significantly than the depth or commitment of your relationship really is.  I'd say we need to get back to what dating is really about: "trying people out" to see if they're worth marrying.  Yes, have fun, enjoy it, laugh, and so on, but do so with this in mind: I want to leave the 'exit' door open.  The more intimate you get, the tighter the exit door becomes. 

We all know that people start off dating on their best behavior because they want to impress.  That's okay; that's normal.  But remember that in time you will see more of the real person they truly are.  So, he or she may seem like the best thing that ever happened to you for the first few months, but give it time.  Go slow physically.  You will n e v e r regret going slow. 

So, let's say you give it time and you really do see a future.  Yes, you can feel free to narrow the exit.  Still, though, pace yourself.  No one gets married and says, "Gee, I wish we had jumped in the sack more (or at all) before we got married."

Again, Father has our happiness in mind.  He's really smart and this shows that his ideas make sense for us and our relational happiness.