Who Cares What You Believe?

Do you believe in saving the environment?
Do you believe in helping the poor?
Do you believe in saving endangered animals?
Do you believe in reaching the world for Christ?

Who cares? 

The above items are all what are called "Macro Values" or "big" values.  Really, the only way most people care about your Macro Values is when you live out good "Micro Values."

What are Micro Values?  Those are the way you treat people on a daily basis.  People like your mom and dad, your brothers and sisters, your friends, the people in choir with you, that weird kid in youth group, your teachers, your boyfriend or girlfriend. 

If you don't treat others with kindness and generosity, don't expect people to care a hill o' beans about your vision for saving panda bears or sharing Jesus with people in China. 

See, it's easy to have Macro Values, because for a lot of us it's mostly talk. 

Micro Values, though, are hard.  It's tough to not rip on your mom.  It's tough to help your brother.  It's tough to stop your bad mood from taking itself out on your teacher. 

Here's what you need though: a Micro Helper, called the Holy Spirit. 

See God used to operate in Macro.  He was with His people...as a group.  He resided in their temple.

In the new creation, as in after the coming of Jesus, Father goes Micro on us!


Now Father lives inside you.  Did you get that?  INSIDE YOU!  Learn to listen to Him.  Listen for those nudges that point you toward ways to love, that point you toward ways to help people open up, that point you toward ways to build up people's confidence.  Listen for when He's saying, "It's time for courage" or when He says, "Slow down, people need you.  Get some rest" or "Help that kid up on the opposite team."

To me, the most exciting part of life is to see yourself, the Micro you, transform into the glorious person you were made to be.

This is a process, not a one-time event.  I think, though, as your Micro Values become progressively a natural part of your heart, people will begin to...

care about what you believe.

The Vow

This is an article by Kathy L. Gilbert about the real couple that is portrayed in the movie, The Vow.  The original article is here: http://www.umc.org/news-and-media/the-vow-a-real-love-story-of-faith

How seriously do you take the vow, "till death do us part?"

If you look at the statistics - half of all first-time marriages end in divorce - it seems not too many people say "I do" forever.

The Vow, a movie based on Kim and Krickitt Carpenter's story, debuted Feb. 10 and was the top movie of the weekend, making $41.7 million. However, the romantic movie is not even close to telling the true story of faith and commitment that has kept the Carpenters devoted to each other for 20 years.

Their saga began 10 weeks after their wedding on Sept. 18, 1993. They were in a serious automobile accident that left Krickitt with no memories of her husband or their new marriage. She suffered a severe brain trauma that wiped out 18 months of her life - the entire time she and Kim met, dated and married.

While he was still madly in love with her, he was a stranger she wanted nothing to do with.  The glue that kept them together was their faith in Christ and the promise they had made before God.

The Carpenters attend First United Methodist Church in Farmington, N.M. "Both of us know unconditionally we would not have made it through this ordeal without the Lord being in the center of it all," Kim Carpenter told United Methodist News Service.

Krickitt spent months in a coma and then months more in physical therapy, but she has never regained those 18 months of memory. Her recovery was slow, her personality changed and at times she told Kim she hated him.

"At a low point in my life, I didn't think this marriage was going to work. I didn't have the faith that we were going to make it," Kim said. "At the same time, I wasn't going to leave her in the state she was in; I was vowing to stay with her."

 

 Story gets out

The media first learned of their story when a reporter came to interview Kim about his work as a

baseball coach. In the course of the conversation, the story came out.
When the Carpenters renewed their vows and had a second wedding in 1996, it was a media circus. People were amazed and encouraged by their story, so Krickitt asked God to use their story to show others his amazing love and power.

They wrote a book about their story in 2000 and updated the book to coincide with the opening of the movie on Feb. 10.

"We enjoyed the movie but we were a little frustrated by the artistic license they took," Kim said. "The dramatization in the movie was much greater, but it is hard to put 20 years of challenges into 103 minutes."

Enduring faith

Krickitt's faith never faltered, and she never considered divorce.

"A Scripture I really hold onto is Philippians 4:13: 'I can do all things through him who strengthens me.' I believed I was called according to God's purpose, and I followed with my whole heart," she said.

Kim said he has taken offense to some of the media reporting him as "heroic, courageous, manly."
They insist they are an ordinary couple with two children, Danny and LeeAnn.

"It is amazing we live in a world that there is such a big deal made about a man and woman who simply did what we said we were going to do," Kim said.

The book and the movie are providing a platform for them to talk about their faith.

"People all over the world are seeking something higher, some message," Kim said. "We have been
very grateful for the prayers and well wishes we have received. We know the Lord is not going to give us more than we can handle."

*Gilbert is a multimedia reporter for the young adult content team at United Methodist Communications, Nashville, Tenn.

Is it Lust? 2

I wanted to make a small clarification about the Brad Watson article that many of you read the other day.  Let me compare lust to anger.

Jesus says in Matthew 5 that “You have heard that it was said to our people long ago, ‘You must not murder anyone.' Anyone who murders another will be judged.’  But I tell you, if you are angry with a brother or sister, you will be judged.”

Is Jesus really saying that we should never be angry at someone?  By “angry” we mean feeling frustration at someone else for what they have done.  Of course, we can’t believe that’s what Jesus is talking about.  Being realistic tells us, He must mean something else.

Most of us would come to this conclusion: Jesus is saying that just because you don’t kill someone, doesn’t mean it’s okay to be nasty to them, speak ill of them, swear at them, or hope you can do wrong to them.  It is the ACTIONS that flow from a HEART that desires to harm, not our THOUGHTS. 

In other words, “Okay, fine, you haven’t murdered that boy that made fun of you, but you harm God’s heart still by talking nasty about him at lunch and looking for ways to embarrass him, if you could.”

The same is the case with lust.  Jesus says, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’  But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Jesus is not saying, “Don’t have sexual thoughts” or “Don’t be turned on by the sight of attractive people.”  He is saying, “Just because you don’t have sex with this other person, doesn’t mean it’s okay to make them feel uncomfortable with unwanted touches, or looks, or unwanted flirting.  Just because it doesn’t work, when you try to get them into a sexual situation, doesn’t mean you didn’t hurt the Father’s heart.” 

It is the ACTIONS that flow from a HEART that desires to take advantage of others.

Also, we must remember that Jesus is targeting married people.  Jesus was speaking to people in a time, when it wasn’t unusual for a man to have to leave his wife for long periods of time (because of slow travel or work etc.).   This left wives at home alone, unprotected, and vulnerable in a male-dominated society.  In essence, he was probably saying to some of the men, “You know that woman who is your neighbor whose husband is gone right now?  Just because you haven’t succeeded in seducing her, you have already harmed your Father’s heart by trying.” I suspect that Jesus was targeting this situation more than anything.

Can love and lust coexist?

I've noticed an interesting mash-up during our debates as of late.  Here is an argument I heard several times as we tried to analyze which characters in the stories we studied had the most pure love:

Such-and-such character's love was more pure because there was no lust. 


There are two problems I see here for the Christ-follower:

1. They are using the word "lust" incorrectly.  They are using the word to mean "physical desire."  Lust is not physical desire.  I desire my wife physically, but that doesn't mean I lust after her.  In the Christian use of the word, "lust" is to plot to lure someone into a sexual situation when that situation is morally wrong. 

Admittedly, most of American society does not use the term in its biblical sense.  They do see "lust" not necessarily as a bad thing, but as one's physical desire for another.

2.  Regardless of the use of the term, the real problem with the argument is the implication that desiring someone physically inherently makes love impure. 

I would say the following is more accurate: Desiring someone only for physical pleasure or predominantly for physical pleasure makes love either non-existent (in the first case) or definitely less pure (in the second).

But if love is accompanied by physical desire that is not only okay, but holy.  The erotic love poem, "The Song of Solomon" in the Bible is evidence of God's joy in a man and a woman loving each other and desiring each other at the same time. 

We are not just spirits.  God has made us both spirit and body (Jesus came as both, not just a spirit, as well) and to have someone love and enjoy both is the fullness of love.  In fact, that is the thing that only a marriage has.  You do not love your friend's body, nor your relatives'.  But you do love both your wife or husband's person and body.

The challenge is for the unmarried Christ-follower who is trying to keep the greatest body-love experience of lovemaking for marriage.  It is a bit of a tight rope walk.  You may be dating someone and honestly find yourself really drawn to not only their personality, but also their body.  Your goal is to find ways to express that love in its right timing and in a way that respects your significant other's boundaries and comfort level. 

Like a fire, physical desire can easily get out of control while dating, so you have to put up walls

around that fire so that it only goes so far.  But the good news is that Father didn't just give you a book; He gave you the Holy Spirit.  Listen for His leading in how to best love your boyfriend or girlfriend.  Trust that He cares about your relationship and your desires and wants to lead you.

The cool thing is that one of the most important symbols of Jesus' love for His people is the image of a bride and a groom (see Ephesians 5:28-33).  That love in human terms is insanely personal and also saturated in physical desire for each other.  God wasn't afraid of that comparison and seems to think it can represent pure love. 

Is It Lust?

One of the challenges of life is that love is interwoven with sexual desire.  Desire, however, operates inside of each of us, regardless of whether we are in a romantic relationship or not.

So, what do you do with it?  One side of our world says to do whatever you want.  It doesn't really matter.  Then, for some of us who are Christ-followers, we have another community around us that has opinions about how to deal with our sexual desires.  In my experiences, that community often strives to give us lots of "NO's", but doesn't often speak to the reality of the intensity of our urges.

One author that, I believe, writes with more clarity than almost any other I have found is Brad Watson, a pastor, and an author of the book Is It Lust or Legalism.  He wrote an article in Charisma Magazine that gives a taste of what God taught him on this subject.  Check it out here:  Is It Lust or Legalism?

I'd like to get some dialogue running about Brad's article.


After reading Brad's article, here are some questions I think that are worth exploring:

Is this practical?
Is Watson giving too much freedom to our thoughts?
Is Watson's advice similar or different to what you've been taught elsewhere?
Do you think he's right?
Should we even care about this stuff?

Dating INward

Love is not just the domain of chick flicks and cheesy pop songs.  Love is also the domain of the greatest literature and art in the history of mankind.  Even God, when trying to explain the intensity of the passion between the Messiah and His people, compared them to the passion between a bride and a groom.

This is because one of the most dangerous, exciting, and satisfying journeys of life is the adventure of finding and learning to love one person, and love them well.

One contemporary author who writes a great deal about love is Debra K. Fileta.  She is a regular relationship columnist for Relevant Magazine.  Read her article: Here's How to Find True Love


I'd like to get some dialogue running about Fileta's three concepts of dating inward, outward, and upward.

After reading about dating inward in her article, here are some questions I think that are worth exploring:

What in the world does it mean to "get to know yourself"?
Why is dating inward important to a relationship?

Dating UPward

Love is not just the domain of chick flicks and cheesy pop songs.  Love is also the domain of the greatest literature and art in the history of mankind.  Even God, when trying to explain the intensity of the passion between the Messiah and His people, compared them to the passion between a bride and a groom.

This is because one of the most dangerous, exciting, and satisfying journeys of life is the adventure of finding and learning to love one person, and love them well.

One contemporary author who writes a great deal about love is Debra K. Fileta.  She is a regular relationship columnist for Relevant Magazine.  Read her article: Here's How to Find True Love



I'd like to get some dialogue running about Fileta's three concepts of dating inward, outward, and upward.

After reading about dating upward in her article, here are some questions I think that are worth exploring:

How does a normal teen actually do this?
What does it practically mean to allow God's "definition of love to permeate your relationships"?
How will dating look differently if God is involved?

Can Love Really Last?

If I just find the right one then...

If I just marry a good guy then...
If I just marry someone who is a Christian then...
If I just find someone who has the same sense of humor then...
If I just end up with a girl that likes the same stuff as me then...

...then I will stay in love forever.
...then I will always feel this way.
...then we will always be happy.

You probably have figured out by now that the above statements are not true.  So, what are your options? 

Despair    or    Denial.

Despair: romance never lasts so you take it while you can. (That's sad)
Denial: I'm different and I'll find lasting romance. (Good luck)

I'd like to propose "D" number 3: Determined.

Falling in love is aptly named.  Most people find themselves "falling" into it.  It's almost as if the invisible Cupid shot an arrow.  How you meet someone and fall in love is mysterious and wonder-full. 

It makes sense, then, to think, like most people do, that it is natural to stay in the love that you fell into (assuming you found the "right" person of course).

But it doesn't.  And the sooner you realize it, the happier you will be.  Romance, long-term romance, life-lasting romance, requires determined effort. 

You must believe that it can happen, that you can be "in love" for a lifetime, but that it will not "just happen" and is a lot harder than it seems. 

Romance is feelings-based and anyone who has lived long enough realizes that feelings don't stay constant.  They go up and down.  Just think about how you feel about your parents or siblings! 

To maintain a feeling, you have to cultivate it with actions.  These things are natural in the early stages of a relationship because that's all you really do together is cultivate your relationship.  You go on dates, you text each other, you write sweet notes, you dress up for the other, you put on cologne, you buy gifts, you think about the other, and so on.

When you get married, or even if you date for a lengthy amount of time, you begin to do 'routine' life together.  For married people that includes doing dishes, cutting the grass, raising children, going to work, cleaning the house.  For dating people that can be things like studying together, going to siblings' birthday parties, sitting in study hall or eating lunch at the same table, going to a football game together. 

When routine sets in, that's when you have to be Determined-determine to fan the fire of your romance.  This sounds very unromantic, but send a text even when you're tired, write a note even when you're busy with other things, say encouraging words even when you're in a bad mood, be affectionate even if your mind is preoccupied with work or homework, say something kind instead something snarky when you're annoyed. 

Romance is a fire that will slowly, but surely, die out if you don't keep putting wood on the fire and move the sticks around to give the right air flow-especially when you don't feel the 'mood.'

I have seen people give up on the fire in real life all the time.  They stop doing the things that attracted them to each other in the first place.  Resentment sets in, bitterness arises, defensiveness seals off openness, and anger takes the place of sweetness. 

So, you're a teen or young adult.  Why care about all this now?  If you plan on becoming a doctor, would you say, "Well, I'm not a doctor yet, so why should I learn about medicine now?"  No, you'd go to school and start studying bio!  Do the same with romance now: Be Determined.

Rapaccini's Daughter

Here are audio versions of "Rapaccini's Daughter" for those of you in my English class.  You can listen to them here or download them (click on the down-pointed arrow).  They are divided by page number, though, if a page ends in the middle of a paragraph, I read through to the end of it on the next page.  The next page audio then begins with the first full paragraph.

Dirty Dancing at Dances

I can still picture it: having to break up a couple that was grinding on the dance floor.  I hate

chaperoning.  When Beth was still teaching at LW I would have to chaperone the yearly Spanish dance with her, and, of course, we had to play 'dirty dancing' police.  



As soon as Beth stopped teaching I never chaperoned again.   



Is suggestive dancing really bad?  Inherently, I'd say no.  Much like using the F-bomb isn't inherently sinful.  Swearing really bothers a lot of people, but that doesn't make the word somehow evil.  



So, just because someone might make sexual movements while dancing, doesn't mean they're sleeping around.  

The issue in both cases is: what does it say about you to others?  



In much the same way that your speech gives people an impression of you, so do things like how you dance.



A common response is this: 
I don't care what people think.



This kind of attitude is a virtue, but only when it comes from a desire to do right or be true to values.  



Jesus calls his friends, "a city on a hill" and "a lamp on a stand."  You mean something to the world.  That's actually a cool reality.  It's quite amazing when you take seriously the fact that the manner in which you live your life speaks a message to those around you.



Jesus put it this way, "Let your light shine so that others will see your good life and praise the Father."



Father will speak his love to those around you in part by how you live your life.  

Let me be clear, though, since we're talking about suggestive dancing.  This is not an anti-sex message.  We are all created sexual beings.  We have feelings and desires that are in us that are both wonderful

and confusing.  But the question is: how does your sexual side look in the public sphere?

Let's use the example of sexual jokes.  A guy who uses them frequently will come to be seen as someone who glorifies sex.  A guy who has a sense of humor, but also treats girls sweetly and kindly, will come to be seen as a guy who is romantic.

'Dirty dancing' glorifies sex instead of romance.  Have you ever noticed how even elegant dancing has some sensual elements to it?  Couples doing figure skating routines are a good example.  There are caresses, dips, hands on waists, and intimate embraces, but it's somehow...beautiful.  

To me, public romance praises the beauty of love.  Public sexuality praises the mechanics of the body.  To speak nothing of musical tastes, this is the difference between Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus.   

So, "right or wrong" is irrelevant in this case.  I won't lay down some "line" when certain dancing is sin.  As a Jesus-follower, I'm not looking to just follow a list of rules.  I want my life to mean something to others and that means I need to be aware of what it is saying to those around me.

The Heat of Homecoming

Ever notice how feeling the ‘heat of the moment’ makes you do things that you normally wouldn’t?  For some people this is the only way they get school projects done!  Other times people make awesome spikes in volleyball or 3 pointers in basketball in the heat of the game. 

Homecoming does this too.  Guys that otherwise are pretty shy, for example, actually work up the guts
to ask girls to the dance.  The pressure actually brings out some good! 

Then there’s the other side of heat.  You know what I’m talking about.  The dumb moves.  Everybody does those and if you avoid them all together you’ll never take a risk.  YOLO.  I can’t believe I just wrote that.

But there are some things worth avoiding and usually you can see them coming.  All dances, but particularly the biggies like Homecoming and Prom, give us a lot of ‘heat of the moment’ opportunities.  That’s one thing that makes them a blast, but they can also create memories you wish you never had.

A guy, while slow dancing, begins to drop his hand way below the small of your back.  Or your date gets a lot closer to you than you want.  An upper classman sneaks alcohol into the dance and you, being younger, feel stupid turning down their offer to try it out.

A lot of stuff happens after the dance.  Maybe it’s a sleepover, maybe it’s a party, maybe it’s just in the car with friends on the way home.  Either way, stuff can happen.  Maybe there’s some drinking going on, and a girl who seems really out of it is looking really good and is all over you.  Situations like that can happen quite easily.  At the end of the night two people’s lives have changed forever.

I know a girl who is still working through what happened to her 10 years ago when a guy, without her permission, on a date touched her very intimately while seeing a play.  Something simple can get very complicated very fast.

When some people were wondering how to follow Jesus He told them, “If anyone would come after me, let him take up his cross daily.”  Picking up a cross takes a lot of effort, not to mention carrying it.  Plus, you’ve got to make a decision to do it in the first place, a decision where you decide whether you’re a cross bearer or not.

If you’re a cross bearer, then start to pray and think: what will that look like for me, specifically?  How will your life look differently compared to people who aren’t pulling a cross around? 

When it comes to Homecoming, how does being a cross bearer affect how that evening turns out? 

Guys, how can you really make your date feel honored and lovely, as opposed to making her feel like

your opportunity to cop a feel?  How can you make her feel incredibly beautiful and special because you, yes you, took her to dinner and that dance?  And this is true whether you’re going as friends or as a couple.  Even if you’re not ‘interested,’ make her feel like a diamond.  Jesus had a way of making each person feel that way.  You can do the same.

Girls, I hate to put it this way, but you have to watch out for aggressors.  Most guys aren’t, but there are enough of them.  Plus, there are a lot of immature guys that don’t think through their actions.  How can you choose wisely who you go to the dance with?  What situations can you plan on avoiding so you’re not stuck in a situation where you feel the pressure of ‘heat’?  Cross bearing for you may be more about honoring yourself enough to be wise.  It may also mean looking for a guy that is hot, fun, AND knows how to walk like His Savior (just a hint: that kind of guy just might be lurking behind a nerdy exterior).

Now, some of you are going with someone that you do, in fact, want to be romantically involved with.  God loves this and wants to be with you in this.  So, what might it look like, as a cross bearer, to communicate your feelings (verbally or other) in a way that respects the other?  Think creatively.  Ultimately, that’s what romance is anyway.

The dance of romance is complicated.  Our hope to avoid some of the situations I’ve mentioned is not intended to steal the mystery out of it.  Enjoy the fun of Homecoming.  Yet, maybe the heart of it is to protect the ‘fun’ part by keeping the ‘heat’ in check.  

Homecoming: I ordered my food, now what?

(I’m directing this to guys, but girls can use this one too)

So, she said yes.  You’re probably going to dinner some place.  What in the world do you talk about?  What if it goes silent?  This is a beautiful opportunity to learn an incredible skill.  It’s a skill that will win you friends (maybe even a girlfriend) and make you fun to be around, but will also give you a chance to really be helpful to people and be a better representative of your Savior.  It’s called Asking Questions.  

When Beth and I are driving over to someone’s house we often have this conversation: What should we ask them about?  We begin to process about what we’d like to learn about them, what kinds of things we’d like to talk about, or what shared interests to discuss.  Not only do we not have to worry about guessing while we’re there, but we also know that we’ll end up having meaningful conversations instead of just shooting the breeze about stupid stuff.  

So, before the big night, think about what you know about your date.  What is she interested in?  What does she do outside of school?  Make a mental plan to ask her about those things.  Just one thing can open up oodles of conversation to eat up the time between ordering your food and actually getting it.  

Example: she plays basketball.  What position do you usually play?  How did your team do last year?  Have you always liked basketball?  Are you going to try out this year?  Who’s the coach?  What do you like about it?  Who else is trying out?  Tell me your funniest basketball story.  Have you ever shot at the wrong basket? (I did :)  And so on.  Don’t ask them right after each other.  Hopefully, one or two questions and things will roll naturally.  And, hopefully…she’ll ask you questions too!