The Bachelorette

No, I don't watch the Bachelorette, but I couldn't help but comment on this article that I saw on the Yahoo home page.  I often think I would like to choose a new home page, but then I think it's helpful for me to see what is being pumped out to the public as "news."  

In actuality, Yahoo 'news' is really a propaganda machine for Leftist values, but, see, no one realizes that because it's under the guise of 'news.'  If you differ with their attitudes on any number of subjects you must think you're a bigoted loser who is out of touch with reality because they rarely present other perspectives.

Ok, ok.  I'll move on.  

So here's the deal: apparently, "Bachelorette fans and spectators collectively freaked out last month after it was revealed that the show’s star had sex with a contestant early on in the show...Bachelorette Kaitlyn Bristowe was immediately labeled as “'sleazy'” and “'low-rent' (among other harsh adjectives)."

The article goes on to explain how Bristowe was annoyed that she was 'shamed' and 'judged' because she slept with this guy so early.  

The guy Nick Viall tweeted: "Both men and women have a right to have sex without judgment."  

Bristowe said in an interview: “I don’t think that’s a crazy thing to sleep with somebody when you’re trying to be in a relationship with them.” 

The article then muses over why people were so bothered by all of this (Does any normal person with

common sense need any insight here?).  So they turn to a psychologist who explains that "casual sex is 'rule-breaking behavior in society.'"  Another psychologist explains, "'Sexual shaming is usually about some sort of fear and concern about powerlessness.  Because sexuality is fluid and impressionable, there is a worry that it will catch on and get ‘out of control.’ The panic that it can ignite in people is ultimately an attempt to regain control over the status quo, he says."

Finally, one more "expert" is quoted as saying, “Certainly, attitudes toward sex have shifted over the years, but the topic itself seems to always be one in which people have always had wildly different opinions as to what is OK and what’s not OK.  As long as these differences exist, there will always be people who judge and criticize the acts of others.”

What all these experts, and apparently the authors of the article, are missing is what all of us with common sense have known for thousands of years: sex is not merely a physical act, but an emotional and spiritual one.  People who engage in it bond in powerful ways.  This is by design, God's design I would add.  

Therefore, we all can recognize that treating sex as "casual" is an oxymoron.  It's like wearing a suit to eat at McDonald's.  You can do it, but it's dumb (meaning 'unwise' considering the gravity of the act).  

Now, as a Christ-follower, I believe that God's ideal is to save the beauty and power of sex for the marriage bed.  There all that potency is safe and protected for each other.  

But even people who don't follow Christ understand that casual sex or in Bristowe's words, "sleep[ing] with someone when you're trying to be in a relationship with them" is problematic.

But apparently, to say so means that I am judging and criticizing.

Are we judging and criticizing the guy who killed those people at a church recently?

Were we judging and criticizing when former President Bill Clinton had an affair with a White House intern?

Were we judging and criticizing when we were bothered by the anti-semitic remarks Mel Gibson made when pulled over for a DUI?

Yes.  This is how we collectively challenge each other to honor values.

On the flip side, there is no good in calling Kaitlyn Bristowe nasty names.  She is a person, a real person deserving respect and honor and she is loved by friends, family, and God.  Nor is it honorable that she receives most of the name-calling and not, to my knowledge, Nick Viall.  

Who is guiltless?  Not me.  Not you.  Not anyone.  But to blow off important values in an article by arguing that our reactions are coming from "fear and concern about powerlessness" is, well, "shaming" to those of us with values.

Why can't I find happiness?

When I was a kid there were so many rusty cars on the road.  It was just normal.  Today, though, it's

really odd to see a rusty jalopy.

We live in a world where everything is new.  Old, at least in the tech world, is like what, 1 year old?

I was thinking about this sentence that Paul wrote back in the first century AD, "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

It's so hard to remember that the really meaningful things and the most powerful things are really invisible.  We have so much flashy stuff and it's so hard to not get caught up in the newness of it all.

Paul, though, is writing to people who didn't have a Home Depot and therefore had homes that perpetually crumbled before them.  I wonder if it was easier for them to fix their eyes on what is unseen.  Maybe not, considering Paul wrote to them the above words.

So, you're a teen and the commercial world wants to convince you that your happiness resides in the newest whatever: iPhone, outfit from Forever21, video game, shoes.

Let Paul's lines call to your invisible self to place your vision, your hope, your desires in what is unseen.  I think you'll find that the order of the world will fall into place.

God is not a helicopter parent

When a guy marries a girl, he's all in.  There's no separation between his married life and his 'other' life.  However, as the years go by, there is a temptation to do what is called "compartmentalization."  The idea is that, in order to maintain some value, but not supreme value, towards something, in this case a relationship, you have to put it into a compartment.  That way you can ignore it at times and bring it out when you want it.

This is what happens to many people when it comes to God.  They compartmentalize.  People have their religious life and then the rest of life.

This leads to a dual world for people.

Instead, I'd recommend seeing your relationship to your Father and your life in general as one whole thing.

It's a beautiful thing when you're all in.  When I made this switch in high school, my life was never the same.  Suddenly, I had purpose, and a unity to what I was all about.

One key, though, is to not view God as a helicopter parent.

The term helicopter parent is used to describe parents who are constantly hovering over their kids, watching their every move, sticking their hands into their lives incessantly and never allowing them to make their choices.

Many of us view God this way, just as I did many years ago.  If you see God like this you will have to compartmentalize, because you can't deal with people like that 24-7.

Instead, God wants to be your companion, a friend who walks through life with you.  Jesus said, "I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business.  Instead I have called you friends." -John 15:15

As you develop a friendship with God, you'll find a well of strength to make tough choices, and heart that can help bear your burdens, and an encourager to enable you to dare great and good thing.

watch play listen-how does it look to others?

I spent a couple of posts looking at how to make choices as a Jesus-follower about what we watch,

play, or listen to.  There's another point that I think is worth mentioning and it is really essential to the section in Paul's letter to the Romans that I quoted in this post.

While the Father does lead each of us very individually on things like this, we have to keep in mind the needs of others.  Here's a very basic modern day example for older people.  Let's say you have no problem drinking alcohol (after you're 21).  You drink responsibly and simply enjoy it.  It only makes sense, then, when your friend, who once had a drinking problem but is now sober, comes over not to offer him a beer. 

Jesus gave us a "new commandment" and it was simply: "love one another."  In the situation above you are loving your friend by being sensitive to his weakness.  So, you restrict your freedom for his sake. 

This is essentially why I don't swear around people.  I don't personally feel that swearing in and of itself is sinful, but I know it would only hurt the people around me.  Plus, if I did swear around others they would immediately question the validity of my spiritual life.  They would be wrong to do so, but that doesn't change the fact that they would.

So, you may have freedom in some areas when it comes to video games, music, or movies, but ask the Spirit to give you sensitivity toward others.  If you have a friend over and you want to watch a horror flick, ask yourself (or ideally ask them), "Is this a good idea?"  Or just give them an option.

The same can go for video games.  Maybe you want to play one that's pretty bloody.  Offer your friend, "Wanna play this one (a violent one) or this one (a non-violent one)?"  Then they can choose with out feeling funny if they're uncomfortable saying that they don't really like violent ones.

The key in all this is love.  Don't judge the convictions one person has, but also don't feel like you have to have the same one.  Follow the Spirit and trust that you know his voice (John 10).  God promises to communicate with us, though we have to learn how to recognize it.