The Perks of Being a Wallflower Thoughts 1

Recently I have noticed a lot of students reading the book The Perks of Being a Wallflower.  I assume others have seen the movie, though I haven’t.  I decided to borrow it from one of my students and check it out. 

It’s a provocative book in that it really addresses raw issues.  Naturally, it makes me think a lot and I wanted to put my random reflections on it occasionally.  Even if you haven’t read it, I think it’s worth checking out these posts because it’s a book basically about the world of being a teenager. 

So far Charlie, the main character, has discovered that there are two different groups in his high school:

1. the popular group

2. the ‘different’ kids

Group 1 are typically snobby and ignore him.  Group 2 is made up of kids who actually are nice.  They ask Charlie questions and are legitimately interested in him.  They welcome him into their friendship and make him feel “infinite.” 

I’ve got two reflections so far. 

Have you ever seen the movie (or stage version of) Grease?  It’s a fun movie, but anyone who has been a teenager knows that Grease’s version of high school is simply silly made-up cut-outs.  It’s so unreal when you think about it.  I feel that way about most movies that show high schools.  The stuff of good movies rarely is found in normal life with most normal people.

I feel the same about Perks.  If you had never been a teenager you’d think all teens do is go to parties, drink lots of alcohol, get high, and experiment with sex.  Does that go on?  You bet!  But, here’s the thing that I think many teens need to hear: there are a lot of teens that don’t do any of this stuff and guess what?  They live perfectly happy and fun lives!

Both group 1 and 2 in the book have one thing in common: they don’t want to miss out.  Group 1 doesn’t want to miss out on popularity or status.  Group 2 doesn’t want to miss out on experimenting with things that others tell them are not ‘acceptable.’ 

And you know what?  I get that.  I don’t want to miss out either and nor do you I bet.  But the question becomes: miss out on what?  I don’t want to miss out on all the God has for my life.  I’ve got to believe that He wants me to experience the depth of the goodness and even fun of life and that He, being the designer of life, knows the best ways for life to work. 

That means I say no to a lot of things.  But it also means I say yes to a lot of things.  I experience a lot of stuff, as a believer, that are exhilarating that I would totally miss if I was just looking to not miss out on every little thing that comes my way.

Let me give you just one example.  I said no to sex until I got married.  No it was not easy.  There were times I could have gone that direction.  Did I miss out?  No way!  My breakups were easier to deal with than those who slept with their girlfriends for one.  Plus, I had so much more fun on dates and stuff because we never had to deal with the issue of “does she want to?”  “How do I do this?”  “What if she says no?”  “How can we be alone?”  “Will anyone find out?”.  Nothing.  We just had a good time and, get this, we got to know each other. 

Sex is not something that you do perfectly and naturally the first time.  It often takes years to figure it out.  But I never had to think “Well this is how that one girl did it.”  No, my wife and I gave the gift of “we’ve got no idea how to do this, so let’s have fun figuring it out!” to each other.  That, I think is God’s design.  And I’m so glad I didn’t miss out.

As a closing, I'm not dissing nor promoting the book.  I'm just shooting out my random thoughts about the challenges of life during your teen years.