The Perks 2: Being Known

I’m making more progress in The Perks of Being a Wallflower and one thing I really like is how Charlie is able to see through the facades that everyone else puts up.  That seems the genius of his character, that despite his age and seeming naiveté, he sees the truth about people and situations that older or more ‘experienced’ people seem to miss.

The most meaningful thing that he points out so far is our desire, as teens and people in general, to be known.  He doesn’t mean to have people know who you are, or your name, or your accomplishments, but to be truly known-internally.  That is your thoughts, your fears, your hopes, your feelings, your likes, your faults, in essence, your spirit.

In one chapter he remarks that he loves his father, but doesn’t know him.  You can sense Charlie’s sadness about this.  There is that one moment when he catches his dad crying in the kitchen about the last MASH episode.  His dad asks Charlie to keep it a secret and this is continually a source of delight to Charlie for it is the one moment in his life that he saw INTO his father. 

In another section Charlie learns that his hard-working grandfather once hit his daughter (Charlie’s mom) when she got a bad report card.  That moment motivated Charlie’s mother to work harder and thus acquire a better life.  Charlie wonders something like this: “Is it better to be close to your daughter, or to make sure she has a better life than you did?”  I like that Charlie recognizes the complexity of the issue, but I feel that the heart of Charlie would say: closeness is of more value.

Here is my question: Why do we think God is so different than this?  We spend so much time in ‘churchy’ settings talking about God’s rules for this and that and standing up for truth, and fighting for the good, and not sinning and so on, yet we miss the deepest heart of God: He wants to know us and He wants us to know Him.

Paul, in a letter to young Jesus-follwers in the city Galatia, said, “You know God—or rather are known by God."  To know God is not just mental assent to some creed that states who He is.  It is relational.  It is to know like we know a friend, a deep, close friend.  That’s what He wants with us: to know us.  Yes, He knows everything by the fact that He’s God, but he wants to know us relationally.  That’s what it is to be truly known. 

And all that other stuff that we talk about happens when we’re known and we’re safe in that.  Jesus said, “If you love me you will obey my commandments.”  He knew that people who love naturally find themselves doing the things that bless the other.

I also think Charlie’s insight brings a lot of wisdom to our human relationships.  Do we truly know our friends?  Do we ask them questions or do we just do all the talking?  Do we truly know our family?  I know that’s sometimes harder than it seems.  I can’t say I’ve always been successful with family either. 

I hope I can cut through the junk like Charlie and see the real issues around me and pursue relationships over all the other things that try to win my attention.  I need to keep working on it. Maybe I can keep learning from Charlie.