The Perks 3.5 Get Physical

I hope it's not too weird that we're hitting these subjects.  The Perks of Being a Wallflower, the book at least, talks about it a lot!

I ended the previous post asking: Why do we get so physical so fast?  Why does that complicate things?  What is the actual purpose of getting physical? 

Well, we get physical for three reasons.  However, the first two are the most prominent.

1. It feels really good.  It really does.

2. Because that’s what people do when they date…right?

#1 was obvious.  #2 is interesting.

Here’s what Charlie says about his physical relationship with Mary Elizabeth:

“Sex things are weird, too.  It’s like after that first night, we have this pattern where we basically do what we did that first time, but there is no fire or Billie Holiday record because we are in a car, and everything is rushed.  Maybe this is the way things are supposed to be, but it doesn’t feel right.”

“Maybe this is the way things are supposed to be.”  

We are all sucked into this one.  Especially in our teen years.  We don’t have experience with love and romance so we typically go off what we see, and for many of us that’s movies, TV, and music.

You would be hard pressed to find a romantic comedy where people aren’t physically intimate long before they actually know each other very well.

So, what’s the real purpose of getting physical with someone? 

Reason #3: It is one of many expressions of romantic love for someone that you feel is compatible with you and that you see a future with. 

I think we have to be careful not to get the cart before the horse.  Getting physical is fun.  Truly.  But you play tennis together because it’s fun as a way to get to know someone.  Physical stuff is different.  You get to know someone and when that connection seems meaningful you often express it, and one of those ways is physical. 

One more story.  I dated another girl in high school and college.  We had so much fun together.  In fact we were good friends long before we dated or even considered it.  We eventually were more physical at times, but not all the time.  There were some ‘make out’ times in there.  Yet, they didn’t dominate our relationship.  No clothes came off.  Unlike Charlie, no hands went up shirts.  Instead, we had lots of fun together and we talked.  I did see a future for us.  We had a lot in common and got to know each other pretty deeply. 

But we didn’t get married.  We eventually saw reasons that we would be better with someone else.  You know when I see her every once in a while (she lives out of state and is married) it’s fun to see her.  It’s not awkward either.  The physical stuff was not the main thing so we don’t have that between us.

Yet, whenever I’ve been in a situation where I thought I would see the girl I mentioned in the previous post, I admit, I pray that I don’t have to talk to her.  Now that’s probably more immaturity on my part, but I still feel weird about our relationship.  Did I ever really get to know her?  I don’t think so.

As a Jesus-follower, and as a fellow human, my heart tells me this is why saving love-making for your future bride or groom makes sense.  It’s kind of like when Sam kissed Charlie (even though they weren’t dating) because she wanted his first kiss to be from someone who truly loved him, instead of someone who would use him.  

Also, this is at the heart of why taking it slow physically when you’re dating makes sense.  Dating is about knowing.  Let’s take the time to know, to learn, to enjoy, to laugh, to talk, to open up, to tell jokes, to play tennis, to see movies, to argue, to send texts, to go to Cedar Point, to dance, to really find out if this person you’re dating is someone you see a future with before we jump so quickly into intimate expressions.    

A little P.S. I don't want to suggest that doing things they way I'm suggesting will somehow make all your relationships and breakups go easy.  Relationships, by their nature, grow roots deep inside our hearts and will hurt when those roots are pulled.  But I do think it makes a difference how far you let the roots go in and when.  It also makes a difference if your ultimate treasure is your Abba.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.