When I was younger I had this complex about doing things
exactly right all the time. I suppose I got
this from several places. For one I used
to get a little extra money by cutting lawns.
However, I had several customers who would watch me while I cut it. It was so weird! They seemed to be making sure I did
everything just right.
I also came from a German family. I felt a lot of pressure to do things
correctly or face disappointment. I
remember how long it would take me to rake leaves because I thought I had to
pick up every single leaf. I didn’t know
if I had to do it that specifically, but I always operated on the principle of “If
you overdo it, then you can’t be criticized.”
As a young person, trying to figure out the world, it’s
tough when things aren’t explained well.
We don’t know what’s expected of us.
Sometimes we don’t even know what is okay to think about! This is all the more true in sexuality,
especially as a follower of Christ.
People just don’t want to talk about it, and if they do the main idea
is: It’s bad.
On the other hand, you may have grown up in an environment
where there is nothing said about, or, even where it is in your face, because
of the behaviors of some family members.
All in all, I want to suggest that if you’re a person who
wants to have a life that is different because of your Savior, then we need to
talk specifics. There is much greater
freedom in discussion and reflection than there is in silence. 1 John encourages us to “walk in the light,
as He is in the light.” The light is
honesty.
One thing too often missing from dialogue among Christians
is the specifics of managing sexuality.
Looking back on my teen years, I wish someone would have just talked
openly about specifics and accompanied it with grace and freedom instead of
hard and fast rules. Unfortunately, I’m
going to not be as specific as I’d like, not because I think it’s bad, but I
don’t feel a blog is the place for it.
But I do want to open the door by mentioning the issues at hand.
Below are the main areas I mentioned in a previous post. After each are some examples of specific
issues that need some management.
Your personal sexual feelings and thoughts
1. Areas to manage: thinking about sex, fantasizing,
masturbation, watching movies, shows, or online videos with sexual jokes,
scenes, or clothing, surfing sexually-themed stuff online, drawing sexy characters, so-called sexting, music or video
games with sexual overtones (or blatant ones).
Your sexual feelings about other people
2. Areas to manage: thinking about others, what to do with
attractions, obsession, the sense that ‘I can’t get him/her off of my mind,’
reading into the way someone acts towards us.
Your interaction with the opposite sex (whether
acquaintances, friends, or a boy/girlfriend)
3. Areas to manage: interacting with people you’re attracted
to, flirting, the things you ‘talk’ about online, images of yourself that you
post on facebook, hugging or touching the opposite sex, what you wear, what it
means to ‘look’ good, how far is too far physically when you’re dating.
I hope to address some of the above in more specifics in
some future posts. However, I hope there’s
some freedom in just hearing some of these things mentioned. It’s easy to think you’re a weirdo. No, sexuality is a huge part of who God made all
of us and, like other things in life, it brings up all sorts of questions for
everyone. Also, the above list is not a list of all bad things. The key is, if you love God, your life will
be affected by it. We are
Christ-followers so we don’t say, like so many others: who cares? We say God cares. He is raising me up to be a life fully
lived. He loves me and He loves my
sexuality. Let’s not assume “it’s all
bad,” nor should we assume, “it’s all good.”
Instead, as always, I encourage you to “find out what pleases the Lord.”
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