The Three-letter Word-Part 5

So you want to find out what pleases the Lord.  How do you do it?  The following applies to lots of things, but I’m going to focus it on managing your sexuality.
1. Ground zero: ask God.  James wrote “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives graciously.”  How will he give that wisdom?  Probably in lots of ways, including the rest of this list. 

2. Check out Scripture.  No, the Bible does not have the answer to all things.  Its primary purpose is for God to say “Hey, here’s what I’m like.”  With that, it’s a history of how he interacts with us and, specifically, how he wants to build a Kingdom on earth and how he enacted his rescue plan with Christ dying and coming back to life.  That’s a grossly small summary, but the point is: you won’t find a section on “How to manage my sexuality.”  But there are things you can catch here and there that will help.

3. Get advice from others.  This is probably one of the hardest things on the list and, yet, it is one of the most important. 

I know you’re going to hate this, but your parents are probably a great place to start (This will work for some and not others.  I get that).  Remember that, while they look old and sexless to you, you were not born through spontaneous combustion.  Your parents, as weird as it may feel to think about it, are two people that found the other hot and found a personality that they thought was pretty awesome.  Hopefully, they still feel these things (I definitely do about my wife!).  The point is they have had (and still do have) a sexuality that they have had to manage throughout their life.  It would be worth chit chatting about.

Who else?  Think about it.  Outside of your parents, whose life do you respect?  Is it a relative, a pastor, a youth leader, a teacher, an upperclassman, a friend?  You may think to yourself, “I’m just going to be bothering them.”  Imagine someone asking you for advice.  You’d feel totally honored!  Go ahead and ask someone.  Of course, you’re dealing with a sensitive and awkward topic, so you’ll have to gauge who you feel comfortable with.  But, regardless, you can start up a conversation by asking them any advice they would give about dating (or something to that effect).  If comfort grows in that conversation or subsequent ones, then you can take it a little more specifically.

4. Observe yourself.  People, Christians included, love to give cookie-cutter ways to manage sexuality, but you’re a different cookie!  That was a terrible analogy.  Sorry.  Anyway, the point is you have to create a strategy that works for you and to do this you have to know YOU. 

So, what turns you on?  What do you find attractive when it comes to personalities, words, clothes, parts of the body, settings, scents, etc.?  You might even ask, well what does it mean to be turned on?  There will be and, for many, already are things that we have a hard time keeping our eyes off of, or our thoughts away from in relation to the opposite sex.  You are being ‘draw to’ those things.  That is the idea of ‘attraction.’  

Attraction is not bad.  It just “is.”  When you know what you’re attracted to it will help you know things you like, but also to know what you need to be careful about.  You may know a guy, for example, that you are attracted to, but you also may know that he’s not a good guy.  It’s okay that you’re attracted to him, but you have to recognize that it will be all too easy to fall for him, even though you know better.  Those are situations to be aware of, but that’s the benefit of knowing yourself: you can see those challenges in ways that other less self-aware people cannot.

There’s so much more to say, but I’ve gone on too long!  We’ll pick up the conversation another time.