"Girl in the Dark" Reflections

From an artistic level I was really impressed with this poem.  The use of the repeated phrase has a lot of power.  It feels like the repetition of a lullaby, but with an eerie twist.  My favorite part, though, is the consistent color scheme of black.  There is, of course the “girl in the dark,” but also the “dark hole,” “darkness” in the soul, and the “heart black as coal.” 

One thing that this poem shares with the previous poem “My Life is a Joke” is the power of being “alone.”  Both poems, indeed, express this feeling with imagery borrowed from the imagery of Hell.  It is a terrible place to be.  I have had times of depression in my life and it feels like a pit that you cannot climb out of, even if you try.  Sometimes, even looking in at yourself in these moments, it can be disturbing just how “bitter and cold” you are.  You feel like you’ve become a different person.

Admittedly, I have had many more struggles with anxiety in my life, but in reading about it in many books and going to counseling, I also learned a bit about depression. 

Depression is actually a tool of our bodies.  It is a chemical “crash” that often follows some circumstance in life where you have been in high gear.  For example, my wife and I led a marriage conference on Saturday.  We have been working on it for months, and had a lot of adrenalin and nerves going in.  The conference went really well, but on Sunday, the day after, I’m depressed.  I’ve learned that this happens the day after every time I speak in chapel as well. 

What is my body doing?  It is a big stoplight that says, “Rest!”  I don’t feel like doing anything today.  I just want to chill.  I took a nap.  I’m not motivated to accomplish much.  And, admittedly, I’m not in a great mood.  You may have noticed that you get this way when you’re sick too.  Again, your body wants you to rest so it can work on things.

Do you have some major stresses going on right now?  You may be getting that depressed signal from your body telling you that it’s time to recover.  Some of us live in stressful situations all the time.  If your family life, for example is consistently tense, depression may be a frequent struggle for you. 

Why is it worth knowing this?  It helps you know that something is happening TO you by your body’s design.  If you’re mind starts going down the track to “I hate myself,” you need to remind your heart that your “crash” is normal and won’t stay this way forever.  You have to work with who you are.  If you don’t, you may be depressed longer.  For example, I needed more recovery time yesterday (it's Monday now) than I got.  The depression has lingered more. 

How do you know when you have a ‘disorder’, though?  That is when depression (or anxiety in my

case) goes no longer than the situation warrants.  It can go so long that you may even get to a suicidal point.  This is when you need to have the courage to ask for help.  There is a reason there are doctors, counselors, and medication.  Also, if you’re depressed for a long time and don’t really have a reason, that may also be a sign that your body is not reacting correctly.  I knew I had an anxiety disorder when I felt nervous and had panic attacks frequently and they were not because I was facing situations that would make most people nervous.

Psalm 40

I waited patiently for the Lord; 
he turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
 out of the mud and mire;
 he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.  He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.