Dips, Screw Ups, and Conflict

I little while back I pulled a blunder.  I made a situation worse than it needed to be.  I had a student
 that I liked a lot.  We’ll call him Steve for the sake of the story.  He went to a class late and told that teacher that I had excused him when I hadn’t.  That teacher then found me and asked if it was true.  Of course I said it wasn’t and I got ticked. 

I usually don’t get that way, but my emotions started rolling and I wanted to talk to Steve.  I sauntered into the classroom where he was and called him out on it in front of the whole class.  I thought he was just going to be like, “Yeah, sorry.”  Instead he got mad and said some stuff and then I said stupid stuff back including using the term “B.S.” (way to be an example, Mr. Maechner).  Then Steve got sent to the office and I huffed away to my room where I began to realize: you did something really stupid, Kurt. 

I should have talked to Steve in the hallway or somewhere more private.  Instead I embarrassed him in class and provoked him to say things that got him in trouble.  There was also so much I didn’t know, things I found out later, things that Steve was dealing with, issues that he was wrestling with, and here I come thinking I can play tough guy. 

Have you ever felt this way?  You thought you were going to show somebody up or thought you would help somebody out and then ended up screwing everything up. 

I live on a street that has been under construction for some time.  There is part of the road that hasn’t been open for months.  I finally drove down it yesterday to see what they were doing. 

On our this street there were several dips where the road would narrow so much that it was easy to side swipe another car.  They were finally fixing these and that’s good because it was so dangerous!  Yet, there’s something I’ll miss.  Over time, people who knew that stretch of road were in the habit of stopping before each dip to see if someone was coming.  Often people would flash their lights or wave their hand to let some else through before they went down.  And if you let someone else go they would usually wave a Thank You when they passed.

Those dips are a lot like the crap we all face in life.  We all find ourselves in the dangerous dips of life from time to time.  But, what’s interesting is how these situations often force us closer to others in a way that doesn’t happen when all the streets are level.

As I brooded in my room after seeing Steve escorted to the office, I felt the Spirit saying, “Kurt, you’ve got to talk to him.”  Shoot.  I didn’t want to do that.  I wanted to get out of that dip and keep going.  I’m busy.  I’ve got things to do.  But the Spirit was right.

I went to find Steve and I apologized for my stupid move.  I explained what I should have done and that I was really sorry that I put him in this position.  He explained some of the things he had been dealing with and that helped make some sense out of the choices he had made.

I knew that talking to Steve wasn’t enough either.  The Spirit encouraged me to talk to our vice principal.  I needed to tell him my role in what happened in hopes that he would go easy on Steve.  That was humbling and embarrassing, but worth it.

I can’t say it fixed everything, and sometimes I wonder if I should have done more, but choosing to face the dip with Steve a bit brought some healing for us.  I still really enjoy him, and while wish that the situation hadn’t happened, it helped me know him, even a small level, a bit better than I did before.

Maybe you’re facing or are in a dip.  Maybe one way to help you through it is to look at the relationships that are being affected in it.  How can you step toward the people around you instead of running away and creating distance?  Could there be some healing or closeness that could result that might not have occurred if the dip never existed?

I think this is behind Jesus’ recommendation in Matthew when he basically said, “If there is someone holding something against you, skip church (or synagogue in that time) and go fix things.”  Relationship is high on God’s priority list.  Let’s try to make it high on ours.

Oh, and they are fixing all those dips on our street.  It’s much safer, but I admit, I’ll miss the ‘Thank You’ waves from other drivers.