A Few Words to Guys--Image

I want to wrap up the image series with two posts.  One to guys and one to girls.  Let me start with the guys.  We are, by nature, by God for that matter, visually wired.  We are turned on, attracted to, ‘wowed’ by the female form.  As a man who wants to be true to reality, we need to validate that this is who we are and how we are made.  Don’t beat yourself up over it. 

Here comes the call to higher things, though.  We want to (most men at least, and as a believer, I think we’re ‘called’ to) be honorable.  To do this, we have to control our nature. 

I’ve used this verse before and I’ll use it again because I think it’s quite insightful.  Paul wrote to the young men in Thessalonica, “Learn to find a wife in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5).  He was challenging them to practice control.  He was not saying, ‘don’t have desires.’  He was saying “Learn” to control them as you interact with the opposite sex.

How do you do this?  One primary way is to recognize that the girls you interact with are people.  Yes, they may be crazy attractive to you, but there is a person in there.  If your heart is right, that should help you respect them as a fellow traveler in this thing called life.  It doesn’t necessarily take away their attractions from you, but it should help you treat them as fully human.  This is why long-term relationships like marriage are really good for a man.  He has to learn to share life with a woman and interact with her on all levels, not only romantically.

Next, you will look, but don’t look in an icky way.  This is hard to define.  But basically, you don’t want (if you’re honorable, and respect girls) to make girls feel uncomfortable.  Staring at them, especially when you know they know, borders on ‘icky.’ 

Be careful with your attentions.  Guys, girls (mostly) are attracted via relationships.  When you start giving attention to a girl it may give her a signal that you like her.  You may be thinking “I’m like that with a lot of girls.”  Maybe, but you have to be aware of what effect that might have.  If you do like a girl, then give her your attentions.  She is attracted to people, not visuals, so talk to her, laugh with her, give her attention.  Either way, just like girls sometimes aren’t aware of how their dress or flirting affects guys, guys often don’t realize how their attentions affect girls.

However, when you do like someone, don’t go sexual with your attentions.  Don’t comment on her body, or make suggestions about what she likes to do with guys, or say what you ‘d like to see, or ask for certain types of pics you’d like to see of her.  I’m often amazed that guys actually do this kind of stuff.  I’ve got to believe that men think girls like this.  I think they believe that this is a way to show you find them hott.  Guys, get this: girls don’t perceive themselves as sexual as you do.  I know it’s hard to believe.  And no, their clothes aren’t ‘asking for it.’  That fitting skirt to you may be a turn on, but to her it’s ‘cute.’ It’s not an invitation.    

Let me say this again: It’s not okay to speak sexually to a girl.  To put a fancy term on it, it’s called sexual harassment.  As guys, our sex drive is connected to our love drive, but, as respectable men, and especially as Jesus-following men, we have to control that drive.  Do you want to romance a girl?  This is the most romantic thing you can do: get to know her.  Talk to her, ask her questions, find out what she likes and cares about, share experiences like going to an amusement park together or putt putt golfing, take her out to dinner and pay for it, compliment her (not just her looks!), write her sweet notes.  Now don’t overwhelm her; you have to keep things at the right pace, of course.   

There will come a time when you can share your whole self, including your sexual side, with another person.  It is the incredible pleasure called marriage.  It’s amazing to be fully open with someone in a way no other relationship is.  Between now and then, love your nature, but manage it in a way that is “holy and honorable.”  Look to romance someone when that time comes.  Romance does have sexual tones to it, but it’s different than “passionate lust.”  Romance in dating says, “I want to know you and be close to you, but I will honor you by not being too close.”  Not an easy task, but it is one with daily will power and Holy Spirit help that can be done.