Friendship --> Dating: How to

So I was recently asked by a freshman, "If you're friends with a guy and you both like each other,

how do you move things along?"  (I mention 'freshmen' only because there are different issues at different ages)

I asked my wife what she would say and she replied, "Don't move things along."

:)

Now, let me clarify what she means.  She's not wagging her finger saying, 'No dating, young people!'  What she's after is that sometimes we are too eager to move quickly in relationships. 

We are inundated with romance images all around us.  Music videos, songs, movies, TV shows, all of them are full of people making out and more.  So, to say take things slowly, it seems to be asking you to miss out.

But what if I were to tell you that taking it slow would actually increase your relationship satisfaction? 

Nobody gets a better marriage (which is really the whole point, right?) by getting in and out of as many dating relationships as possible.

Taking it "slow" actually means to pay attention to the real heart of what relationships are all about: relating.  This means really getting to know someone and enjoying that, not just making out in a movie theater.  Having fun with someone gives you a chance to discover two things:

1. What they're like
2. What you're like

The first one makes sense, but how often do we just date people because they're cute or available?  Why not actually study this guy you like.  Of course, to do this, you've got to be around him in different circumstances.  Does he treat his friends well, is he snarky with his parents, is he responsible, does he encourage people, does he have a sense of humor, can he ask interesting questions, does he listen to others or just do all the talking?   

The second one may seem odd, but knowing yourself will help you figure out what's going on in your heart with a guy.  Observing what you're like, what means love to you, what sets you off, what bothers you.  These kinds of things help you determine who you would be good with. 

For example, let's say you honestly feel really good when your parents or friends say good stuff about you.  Not everyone has that same reaction.  You are unique, and encouraging words fill up your specific "love tank." 

If you like a guy, watch if he uses his words to encourage others.  If he does, he might be a worthy match for you.  On the other hand, if he's sarcastic all the time, or doesn't say a whole lot, he may not be worth your time.

Maybe words aren't a huge deal to you.  Maybe you feel the most love when people make time to just hang out and do stuff with you.  So, does this guy make time for his friends?  Does he make time for his family? 

There's so much more to say here, like:
1. What if you're attracted to someone without those qualities
2. If you do think it's time to move things along, how do you go about it?
3. When it comes to dating, is risk a good or bad thing?
4. Does God care about any of this stuff?

I'll try to address some of these in upcoming posts.