Bullying may seem like just a thing that kids deal with. It's not. When Beth and I first married we rented an apartment in Rocky River. The landlord was really nice
and helpful. We lived there about two years and in that time he was always pleasant. When we moved out, though, he suddenly switched.
He charged us for all these repairs to our apartment because he said we had treated it badly (what?!). I was really confused. He sent us photocopies of all his cleaning supply receipts and wrote big bold letters in the words that felt like it was being shoved in our faces. Not only that, but the receipts didn't come in the mail; I received a note from post office about it. In a gesture to prove his point, he had made it so that I had to physically go to the post office to get the letter myself instead of receiving it in the mail.
I was so flabbergasted by it all that I decided to call him and talk about it. During the very terse phone conversation, he swore at me and, all in all, sounded like a completely different person than I had known those two years.My head swirled. I was a nice person; I AM a nice person. Why would this man treat me this way? Did I do something wrong? I felt like someone had taken my gentle heart and bashed it over and over again with a club.
That was the first time in my life when I recognize I became depressed. For quite some time I felt numb. I would think about the situation constantly, in the car, in the shower, on my pillow at night. How could people be so cruel, so just plain mean?
I came out of that depression, but I got more cautious and suspicious of people. I lived very
I learned a few things over time about dealing with what is basically "bullying." Here are a few:
1. Who has the power? Who will you let have the power to determine how you feel about yourself? Force yourself to determine the answer. You may first need to answer: Who have I let have power to determine how I feel about myself? Then, move on to who will you CHOOSE to let have the power to determine how you feel about yourself?
2. Inundate yourself with truth. I, for example, memorized truths from the Scriptures. "You are holy and dearly loved." Colossians 3:12 "So, we know and rely on the love God has for us." 1 John 4:16 "There is no fear in love because perfect love drives out fear." 1 John 4:18
3. Do something about it, if you can. I did what I could in my situation. I tried talking to my landlord. I also wrote him a letter. I even talked to a lawyer. Not that all of these were successful, but it was worth trying.
Are you getting really invasive, lewd texts? This is getting more and more common.
Tell someone.
Tell someone.
Tell someone.
Did you get that? Don't worry about feeling stupid or beat yourself up because you 'can't handle it.' You need help. Tell a friend, a parent, a sibling, a guidance counselor, or whomever you feel safe with. Don't stay in that deep dark hole and figure you can just climb out of it yourself.
4. This is really my answer to number one. When it all comes down, there will be people who hurt you, even intentionally. Learn to let your soul find rest in God alone. He is your fortress-Psalm 62. Your Father delights in you, yes you, the kid with the bruised, imperfect soul. Let His opinion of you settle your frightened, lacerated spirit.
5. Finally, don't let evil win. After my landlord experience I had to learn to be both wise in protecting myself from cruel people, but also still trust others. It's a little bit of a tightrope walk, but it can be done.
If we start living life in protective mode by deadening our souls and never trusting people, then the evil perpetrated by the bully just keeps winning in our lives long after the bully is gone.
Alas, there is so much to say on this topic, but let this be a beginning.
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