You're Not a Pervert-Image

Guys are very aware of image when it comes to noticing girls.  And they tend to have two reactions about this internally.  On one hand it’s a rush that we really like.  A good-looking girl is exciting.  On the other hand, we feel perverted.  Why can I be so entranced by looks? we ask.  In my opinion, most men feel both of these feelings at the same time: desire and shame.  There are many ways that people deal with this conflict, some healthy and some not, but as a believer I think there are some ways to help this. 

When it comes to desire and shame, the first needs management and the second needs understanding.  Let me address shame first.  You are not a pervert for finding girls attractive or ‘hot.’  It’s no wonder that Adam cried out when he first saw Eve.  Proverbs even says that “the way of a man with a maiden” is a wonderful mystery.  The book “Song of Songs” is a testimony to the heart of God validating our desires.  

One comment by Jesus, however, is a curious one: “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’  But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”  Does “lust” mean merely  sexual desire?  If so, we’re all in trouble.  I want to quote a few sources on the subject:

Clarence Jordan, in his commentary on the Sermon on the Mount, points out that Jesus “did not say that everyone who had a sexual impulse was an adulterer at heart.  That would have condemned every normal person.”  Then what is Jesus saying?  Jordan goes on to say, “He was simply saying that there is no difference between the act of adultery and the willingness to commit it.  When a person approves of [committing adultery] and justifies it and then looks lustfully at the opposite sex, that person is an adulterer even though he has not actually engaged in the sexual act.”

One important writer who analyzed the subject of lust quite thoroughly was Lewis B. Smedes, former professor emeritus of theology and ethics at Fuller Theological Seminary.  In his book Sex for Christians he writes “when the sense of excitement conceives a plan to use a person, when attraction turns into scheme, we have crossed beyond erotic excitement into spiritual adultery.”

In other words there is big difference between seeing someone attractive and feeling your senses go “Wow!” and seeing that person and beginning to figure out ways you could get her in bed with you.   In the first case (the “Wow!” one), you may simply move on with your day or you may want to get to know them, possibly even date them.  The second case, however, is when you are beginning ways to take advantage of them sexually and other ways. 

So this leaves us with the question: are there limits to my looking?  I think that’s worth exploring.  How do we honor our own God-given drives, yet treat girls with God-given respect?  I’ll try to address that in some upcoming posts.  I’ll admit, I haven’t figured it all out, but I just believe there have to be better answers than I got from the Christian books I read while growing up.

In the meantime it’s worth checking out this: 1 Thessalonians 4:4-5.  “Each of you should learn to control his own body (or find a wife) in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen do.”  What does that mean, practically, for a follower of Christ today?

BTW: I have no idea why some of my text is black and some white...weird.