Can Love Really Last?

If I just find the right one then...

If I just marry a good guy then...
If I just marry someone who is a Christian then...
If I just find someone who has the same sense of humor then...
If I just end up with a girl that likes the same stuff as me then...

...then I will stay in love forever.
...then I will always feel this way.
...then we will always be happy.

You probably have figured out by now that the above statements are not true.  So, what are your options? 

Despair    or    Denial.

Despair: romance never lasts so you take it while you can. (That's sad)
Denial: I'm different and I'll find lasting romance. (Good luck)

I'd like to propose "D" number 3: Determined.

Falling in love is aptly named.  Most people find themselves "falling" into it.  It's almost as if the invisible Cupid shot an arrow.  How you meet someone and fall in love is mysterious and wonder-full. 

It makes sense, then, to think, like most people do, that it is natural to stay in the love that you fell into (assuming you found the "right" person of course).

But it doesn't.  And the sooner you realize it, the happier you will be.  Romance, long-term romance, life-lasting romance, requires determined effort. 

You must believe that it can happen, that you can be "in love" for a lifetime, but that it will not "just happen" and is a lot harder than it seems. 

Romance is feelings-based and anyone who has lived long enough realizes that feelings don't stay constant.  They go up and down.  Just think about how you feel about your parents or siblings! 

To maintain a feeling, you have to cultivate it with actions.  These things are natural in the early stages of a relationship because that's all you really do together is cultivate your relationship.  You go on dates, you text each other, you write sweet notes, you dress up for the other, you put on cologne, you buy gifts, you think about the other, and so on.

When you get married, or even if you date for a lengthy amount of time, you begin to do 'routine' life together.  For married people that includes doing dishes, cutting the grass, raising children, going to work, cleaning the house.  For dating people that can be things like studying together, going to siblings' birthday parties, sitting in study hall or eating lunch at the same table, going to a football game together. 

When routine sets in, that's when you have to be Determined-determine to fan the fire of your romance.  This sounds very unromantic, but send a text even when you're tired, write a note even when you're busy with other things, say encouraging words even when you're in a bad mood, be affectionate even if your mind is preoccupied with work or homework, say something kind instead something snarky when you're annoyed. 

Romance is a fire that will slowly, but surely, die out if you don't keep putting wood on the fire and move the sticks around to give the right air flow-especially when you don't feel the 'mood.'

I have seen people give up on the fire in real life all the time.  They stop doing the things that attracted them to each other in the first place.  Resentment sets in, bitterness arises, defensiveness seals off openness, and anger takes the place of sweetness. 

So, you're a teen or young adult.  Why care about all this now?  If you plan on becoming a doctor, would you say, "Well, I'm not a doctor yet, so why should I learn about medicine now?"  No, you'd go to school and start studying bio!  Do the same with romance now: Be Determined.