Anger Management: practical solutions

This is worth your 5 minutes whether you have an anger problem or you are in a relationship with someone who does.

Feeling Hurt and finding Home Base

I'm sitting here listening to an album from 1990.  Yep, old stuff.

It's funny.  We all branch out, but when times get hard we go back to home base, where we started.

For me, my human life began in 1976, but my true life began in November of 1990 when I asked Jesus to work in my life.

I've done lots of thinking and exploring over the decades since.  I love thinking and wrestling about the deep stuff of life.  All of that has been a part of my journey with Jesus and has deepened and enriched the way I see life, see my Father, and love.

But, today, as my wife and I feel some hurts my heart went looking for something to hold onto.  So many things that I have learned are helpful, but they just didn't give me a place to rest.  But then I went back to home base.  Home base for me is: the sense of peace and exhilaration I feel about following Jesus wherever He leads in this life.  Everything else comes around that.

I think about a song called "Keep Me Running" by Randy Stonehill (a different one from the one I sing in chapel).  I love the image of running through life, wind whipping my face, following Jesus, but in reality, being propelled by His ubiquitous presence as well.


It's where it all started for me: an aimless teen with lots of passion, but nowhere to go.  Suddenly at age 14, thanks to a friend, I heard that Jesus wanted me, yes me, to live my life for him.

And all of this came back to me at age 39 when I'm feeling hurt.  Home base just gave me the perspective and the impetus to keep running, keep running, keep running...after Him.  What a dangerous, but "worth-it" adventure.

If there's some take-away here, I'd say it's to ask yourself: do you have a home base?  And if so, what is it?  Where will your mind and heart go when hurt and despair tries to wrestle your soul to the ground?  Find that home base and cling to it.

Top Teen Topics: My Bully

Bullying may seem like just a thing that kids deal with.  It's not. 

When Beth and I first married we rented an apartment in Rocky River.  The landlord was really nice
and helpful.  We lived there about two years and in that time he was always pleasant.  When we moved out, though, he suddenly switched. 

He charged us for all these repairs to our apartment because he said we had treated it badly (what?!).  I was really confused.  He sent us photocopies of all his cleaning supply receipts and wrote big bold letters in the words that felt like it was being shoved in our faces.  Not only that, but the receipts didn't come in the mail; I received a note from post office about it.  In a gesture to prove his point, he had made it so that I had to physically go to the post office to get the letter myself instead of receiving it in the mail.

I was so flabbergasted by it all that I decided to call him and talk about it.  During the very terse phone conversation, he swore at me and, all in all, sounded like a completely different person than I had known those two years.

My head swirled.  I was a nice person; I AM a nice person. Why would this man treat me this way?  Did I do something wrong?  I felt like someone had taken my gentle heart and bashed it over and over again with a club.

That was the first time in my life when I recognize I became depressed.  For quite some time I felt numb.  I would think about the situation constantly, in the car, in the shower, on my pillow at night.  How could people be so cruel, so just plain mean?

I came out of that depression, but I got more cautious and suspicious of people.  I lived very

defensively for a long time. 

I learned a few things over time about dealing with what is basically "bullying."  Here are a few:

1. Who has the power?  Who will you let have the power to determine how you feel about yourself?  Force yourself to determine the answer.  You may first need to answer: Who have I let have power to determine how I feel about myself?  Then, move on to who will you CHOOSE to let have the power to determine how you feel about yourself? 

2. Inundate yourself with truth.  I, for example, memorized truths from the Scriptures.  "You are holy and dearly loved." Colossians 3:12  "So, we know and rely on the love God has for us." 1 John 4:16  "There is no fear in love because perfect love drives out fear." 1 John 4:18

3. Do something about it, if you can.  I did what I could in my situation.  I tried talking to my landlord.  I also wrote him a letter.  I even talked to a lawyer.  Not that all of these were successful, but it was worth trying.

Are you getting really invasive, lewd texts?  This is getting more and more common.
Tell someone.
Tell someone.
Tell someone.

Did you get that?  Don't worry about feeling stupid or beat yourself up because you 'can't handle it.'  You need help.  Tell a friend, a parent, a sibling, a guidance counselor, or whomever you feel safe with.  Don't stay in that deep dark hole and figure you can just climb out of it yourself.

A bullying text situation happened to someone I know recently.  I encouraged them to block the number, to which they said, "Well, you have to pay to have a number blocked."  Think about the damage being done to your soul and then ask, "Isn't it worth some money to protect my heart?"

4.  This is really my answer to number one.  When it all comes down, there will be people who hurt you, even intentionally.  Learn to let your soul find rest in God alone.  He is your fortress-Psalm 62.  Your Father delights in you, yes you, the kid with the bruised, imperfect soul.  Let His opinion of you settle your frightened, lacerated spirit.

5. Finally, don't let evil win.  After my landlord experience I had to learn to be both wise in protecting myself from cruel people, but also still trust others.  It's a little bit of a tightrope walk, but it can be done.

If we start living life in protective mode by deadening our souls and never trusting people, then the evil perpetrated by the bully just keeps winning in our lives long after the bully is gone.

Alas, there is so much to say on this topic, but let this be a beginning.

Top Teen Topics 3: Pressure

The most common topic to come up in my survey of "What are the issues on the minds of 14-15 year olds" was feeling pressure about grades.
 
I felt them too.  To this day, I remember getting my first B.  When I brought my report card home to my parents, I wasn't praised for the 4 or 5 As, I was asked, "Why did you get a B?"  That stuck with me a long time. 

There is a lot of pressure to be smart these days.  It goes all the way back to babyhood!  Did you ever watch those "Baby Einstein" videos growing up?  The premise behind these was that they would make babies smarter.
 
There was also a movement that encouraged pregnant parents to play classical

music to their kids in utero believing that it would stimulate brain waves!
 
No wonder there's so much pressure on kids to achieve grand academics.  Our society seems to think that intelligence will provide you the best life.
 
I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that this is an ideological lie. 
 
  People within the Pharisee-driven Judaism of the first century lived in a framework that said, "If you follow all the kosher rules, you can have standing before God and people."  Since the people lived in that ideology they didn't think it existed...it just was.  Jesus helped people see the ideology and that they could, and needed to, rebel against it. 

Jesus fought an ideological lie.
 
He hit this so clearly when he told a parable of a tax collector (someone not following the right rules) and a Pharisee (the assumed good guy).  In the end, it is the loser who gets honest with Father that goes home justified, not the guy who tries to act like he follows God even though his heart looks down on others.
 
Many young people today live in an ideology they don't know exists that says: intelligence is the gateway to the best, most meaningful life. 
 
Let's play a game.  Guess the answer to the following questions.
 
I have 5 daughters.  If I had to choose, would I want them to:

have a good degree or a good marriage?

graduate at the top of their class or be a good friend?

get all As or learn how to play a musical instrument?

be CEO of a successful company or raise loving children?

get a PhD or be an honest person?

go to an Ivy League college or feel loved by God?

make six-figures a year at their job or have a healthy, meaningful marriage?
 
I think the answers are pretty obvious right?  That's because you just saw through the ideological lie.  Intelligence, academic achievement, and book smarts do not necessarily make for meaningful lives.  What does, then?  Becoming a person of character, authenticity, and, finally learning how to love and be loved, or, in other words, studying relationships. 
 
If we set our sights on the long-term, we would see what truly makes a meaningful life.  And, if we believe that, we might focus our efforts in very different directions. 
 
But, alas, I leave you with a problem.  You may live inside a family or situation that pressures you to honor the lie.  This is where you may have to begin the massive, tremendously difficult part of life: to choose what's right even if you face opposition.
 

Combating Pre Test Jitters with Your Brain’s Own Tools

[Hey, everyone, I met a guy named Brice in college and we became really tight and still are to this

day.  He is presently an author and a guy who actually gets paid to write blogs!!!  For the humor of it, the pic at the right is from our college days when we both had hair.  Brice is to the left of me.  I recently asked him to write a little post about dealing with exam anxiety.  So, here it is.  Enjoy!]

It’s finals and you show up at school with no books, no idea where the classroom is and, by the way: you don’t have any clothes on!

Have you ever had this dream? Showing up on test day completely unprepared?

No? Well, good for you. You’ll do fine on the upcoming test.

For the rest of us who have been there: there’s still hope.

The underwear-before-a-test dream is your brain’s way of working out the feeling of unpreparedness. But don’t worry! It doesn’t mean that you ARE unprepared, necessarily. It could simply mean that deep in the recesses of your grey matter you have forgotten a minor fact. Like the name of your friend’s pet hamster.

Our minds have been fascinatingly and wonderfully created. They are as intricate as any computer and able to hold massive amounts of information. The problem is that we can’t always get to that information. Why? Because we are not putting the info in the right places.

When I was little, before we moved to our new house, my parents had a “junk drawer”. I can remember opening that drawer only to find what looked like an “eye spy” picture. Anything and everything—useless and important—all thrown together in a mash of chaos.

Think of your brain as a big, grey, squishy drawer organizer. Hundreds of little sections for lots of different things. A section for faces; another for names; one for foods you can’t stand and still another for useless facts that you remembered the night before your big test.

That junk drawer is what your brain-drawer looks like the night before your big test. The reason? You shoved a bunch of information in at the last minute and went to sleep leaving your brain to sort it all out. The underwear dream is just your mind’s way of kicking you for making it put all that stuff away. And it might need to toss some older information to make room for the new stuff. So: there goes Hammie the hamster and where you put that piece of broccoli you were supposed to eat… and, oh yeah: that you need to get dressed in the morning!

Hello anxiety!

But there is still hope of not arriving to class naked. Certain things don’t need to be remembered all the time. Our brains do something called “Object Location Memory” where it brings up a necessary memory from deep within our minds when we see objects throughout our day. For instance: when you see the shower handle, you know that turning it one way is hot. Not because you need to remember that going into the bath, but because as soon as you see that handle, your brain pulls the memory up and applies it. So you won’t have to remember to get dressed because once you see the closet door, as you do every morning, you will go into automatic memory recall.

One last thing I’ll leave you with that will help you with that information you are cramming into your brains right now: there is a memorization method, used since the Roman empire, that taps into this innate sense of object location. It is called the method of loci. It’s a way to trick your brain into drumming up the stuff you memorized for your big test. In a sense, you are organizing that drawer before you go to sleep. Simply “attach” a fact you need to remember to a specific item in your bedroom- say your dresser. Then, when you are trying to remember the answer to 37, you just bring up the dresser in your mind and wham: the fact comes back to you! You can work your way around the room for up to 20 items! Pick the biggest topics you have difficulty with and stick them to your stuff.

By taking the time to organize the information, instead of just pushing it willy-nilly into your head, you can get a peaceful nights rest and still make it to school fully clothed. Now… where did I put my socks?

Brice Bunner

    Author, writer, Pagefiller.
    Follow me @babunner and check out my blog: Fall Down; Go Boom

    My second ebook just hit the e-shelves! Check it out. 

Freaking about Finals

If you look at some of my previous posts you'll see I've blogging about how to be "Ok."  When we let Father be our cup-filler, our source of peace, love, contentment, then we can give to and enjoy the people, places, and things in our lives, instead of using them to make us feel whole. 

Here's how I think this principle can play out in a real life situation: final exams. 

When you're afraid of something (that is not physically dangerous), the fear you feel is ultimately about how it will affect how you see yourself and how others will see you.  Going into exams there are a lot of expectations.  For many it is the expectations of parents that you fear.  If you don't do well, how will they perceive you?  You may also fear the judgment of your teachers.  Finally, there's always the fear of how you will feel about your own abilities.  Do you cut it?  Are you good enough?  How will you measure up to everyone else?

All of these questions come down to: whose opinion will fill your cup?  I suggest you face the fear of finals, the same way you can face every other fear: Because I am deeply loved and enjoyed in my soul of souls by Father, my life has meaning and value, and nothing will change that. 

If you can let yourself trust in your Rock, then you can face the reality of the world: yes, my achievement matters in life.  But, see it doesn't matter ULTIMATELY, meaning in the most crucial sense-your sense of safety and value. 

So, yes, go and study your brains out, but enjoy learning (as much as is possible of course!).  I pray you can do well and reflect what you've learned this semester, but, in the end, even if you don't do well, and even if some people are disappointed with your performance, choose to fill your cup with your Father's love. 

Feeling OK about me - part 2

Imagine that you are a cup.  As a cup, you want to be filled.  It doesn’t feel good when you’re empty. 

But when you’re filled up, you feel good, you feel okay, you feel strong, you feel…at peace.

Most of us fill our cups with three things:

People

Places

Things

This seems to make sense, right?  But all these things do the same: disappoint. 

This isn’t to say we shouldn’t have these as an integral part of our lives, but we can’t use them to fill our cups. 

So, what do we do?  David wrote, “My soul finds rest in God alone.  He is my rock and my salvation.” 

John wrote, “This is love: not that we have loved God, but that He loved us first.”

Solomon wrote, “Trust in the Lord with all of your heart.”

David also wrote that with God his “soul is satisfied as with the richest of foods.”

Nehemiah said, “The joy of the Lord is your strength”

Once I began filling my cup with God something wonderful happened.  When I added sweet friends (people), and good times (places), and a new guitar (things), that made my “cup overflow.” 

What do I mean?  To fill my cup with God means that when I wonder, “Am I okay?” I let God remind me: I am loved, forgiven, enjoyed, and belong.  I have a purpose in life, a meaning, and I will not be forsaken or dumped by Him.  There are many ways to help with this from just being quiet and listening, to speaking to yourself (like the psalms say, “Why so downcast O my soul? Put your hope in God.), to listening to music that reminds you of this, to reading or reciting Bible verses that remind you of your Father’s love for you, etc. 

Let yourself feel, feel, feel God's delight in you, yes you.  Fight the voices that tell you otherwise. 

In the next post, I’ll show how that helped me weather through all the disappointments that people, places, and things send our way.

I want to feel OK about me

Do you ever feel just not good?

Do you ever feel like something’s not right, but you just don’t know what?

Do you ever just wish you felt okay? 

…about your life?

…about you?

Do you ever feel like you are on a roller coaster, sometimes up, and sometimes down?

I did too.  I remember it very distinctly, because it was during my high school years that I first noticed this.  I found that hanging out with friends made me feel good about me.  But, if a weekend went by without hanging out, I felt sort of empty.

Dating had helped too in the past, but getting dumped certainly didn’t help. 

Going on vacation felt good.  I liked to ski, so when I was rockin’ it down a black diamond run, I felt on top of the world.  But, of course, vacations end.

Getting a new AC/DC album was pretty sweet.  Or even a new locomotive for my model train set (I know.  I’m a nerd).  But those got old or broke.

Then I saw this book at a store called Joy That Lasts by a guy named Gary Smalley.  What I read in that book changed my sense of “feeling okay” forever. 

I’ll write in an upcoming post about what I found.

5 Myths About High School

Someone sent me a link to this blog post by a guy named Brant on Air1 and I loved it.  I copied it below, but if you want to see the actual blog post it's here: http://www.air1.com/blog/brant/post/2011/08/22/5-Off-the-Top-of-My-Head-Myths-about-High-School-that-People-Believe.aspx

1.  Bad grades in high school will ruin my life.
No, they won't. 

I know I'm not supposed to say this.  But you'll live, and maybe even a fully functional life.  Take it from me, a guy with ze perfect French accent... who failed French class.
God did not abandon me. Remarkably, I still make a living. Check THIS OUT: I have a garage door that I can open WITH A REMOTE CONTROL. That, my friends, is pretty awesome.
 
And you know what? If you don't get into the college of your dreams, your life will not be ruined.  If you don't even get into college, your life will not be ruined.  Your life, in fact, cannot be ruined by grades.  It's NO excuse for not being disciplined, but it's true.  The weird thing is that, even in "good, Christian families", this sounds like a subversive thing to say, so brace yourself:  "Success" really isn't the highest good.
"But what if I don't get into an elite college, and I don't get an amazing job making millions, and then I don't get to retire rich, and then I don't get to be old and wealthy, and then I can't die without a lot of money, and..."

Well, you got me there.  


2.  These people are my friends for LIFE!
No, they're not.  

They may not even be your best friends next year.  Yes, they are wonderful, and yes, it's great to have BFF's.  But the second "F" -- the "forever" part...?  It's not a lock.  Most people stay in touch with one or two people from high school, tops.  All the people around you are important, but they will not be constants in your life.  Chances are, you haven't met your true BFF's yet.  And that's not a horrible thing.

Knowing this can be a wonderful thing, when you feel like you're not at the top of whatever social heap everyone else is worried about.  It simply doesn't last.

3.  Everyone's looking at me all the time.
No, they're not.  Everyone's too busy thinking this about themselves to spend time studying you.  Seriously.  They've done research on  this.

It's called the "imaginary audience".  High school students, in particular, tend to way over-estimate the attention they're getting.  Fact is, even the "together" people are super self-conscious, and that means someone who *isn't* -- someone who's freed up to care about others -- can have an impact like an earthquake.

4.  Whatever social group I'm in now -- that's just who I am.
Nope.  It just doesn't work out that way.  This is why high school reunions and old yearbooks are so fascinating...and hilarious.

People can change.  And they do.  A lot.  Who you identify yourself as, now, does not lock you into a certain identity forever.  And it's a good thing, or a lot of people my age would still be wearing flannel-on-flannel and refusing to shower while listening strictly to Nirvana and Pearl Jam.

Everyone.  Will.  Change. 

5.   My teachers/parents just don't understand.
Don't flatter yourself.  Seriously.  For all the marketing of "teenager"-hood, the concept of "teenager" has been around less than a hundred years.  You're not in a mysterious, magical soap opera that adults just can't possibly understand.  It's not a sudden period of life that's simply distinct from all others.   

This is why, in fact, your parents are bothersome: It's not that they don't understand the importance of your life, your decisions...it's that they DO.  They can still relate to the issues, the temptations, the desire to run away from problems, etc.  So they won't just leave you alone. 

It's high-stakes, and they know it.  When you were three years old, your foolishness might mean a thrown toy.  Now, like an adult, your foolishness can mean years of sad regret.  Acting on your own, as a free agent, now or when you're an adult -- is a recipe for serious hurt.  The wise listen to counsel.

Mom, or Dad, or caring whoever -- they know this.  That's why they don't just shut up and "live their own lives".  And why you shouldn't, either.

First Days of School 2013-2014

This is an official hello to all my new freshies at LW! I'm really bummed that I don't get to be with you for the first few days of school. The good news is that you get a much more interesting and more attractive teacher in my wife for Thursday and Friday!

 I'm actually really excited to be out here in Seattle. Beth, my hot and really thoughtful wife,

surprised me with this trip for my birthday back in March. I'm at a workshop with an author named Dan Allender. We're going to explore the stories of our lives and look at what kind of story and what kind of themes God has written into our lives. We're zeroing in on difficult times, times of doubt, hurt, and struggle to see what God has written on our hearts through those times. We're actually going to be writing some of these stories as well.

 So, sorry I missed you, but I'll see you next Monday.

 I know that starting high school for most is a pretty nervous experience. So, I want you to turn to your dear Friend and remember that He walks beside you in these new, unfamiliar hallways, into classrooms that you are sitting in for the first time, and into lunch rooms as you try to find someone to sit with. I truly believe God is writing a story in your life too and that being at LW is part of a new chapter. Hang onto Him as He holds onto you. Good things are ahead.

Freshman Question

Thinking about school? Yeah, me too. Trying not to think about school? Yeah, me too.

 Who has it harder? Student or teacher? I'd say student, especially you freshmen.

 Every stage of life has challenging questions. I'm in my late 30s. I'm trying to figure out how to do things I really want to do and value and also give my heart fully to my most meaningful relationships with my wife and my four little girlies.

When I was in my 20s I was trying to learn how to make a career work. I also was learning how to make my connection with my Abba (God) and my new wife grow even though life was becoming more routine.

 In college I was just trying to figure out what I wanted my life to look like in terms of relationships, spiritual life, jobs, friendships, and so on.

And then there's high school. To me that's when I was trying to work out what Kurt Maechner was all about. What am I good at? What am I into? Who are the people I want to hang out with? What makes me different from everyone else? Do I fit in with other people?

 It's funny, though, because the questions I just wrote about high school, are really the same questions I've asked myself through all the other stages of my life too. Of course, there are other life adjustments that come into play. But fundamentally every person on the planet is asking, "who am I?"
In high school you just don't have as many other things to cloud you from that question.

The challenge of high school is that, for most, it is the first time you have ever faced that question. Previously, the question never seemed to come up, or if it did, it was easily defined by your family. 

Something about high school puts you on your own. Your family has, and will continue to, play a huge influence on your life. Now, though, begins the real chance to make your own choices.

 And, guess what? God is not standing over you with a whip, waiting for you to screw up. He is cheering you on, running alongside you. You can look at this time and fear it, but that will either leave you a hollow person who does the 'right' things because you're afraid of what might happen if you didn't. Or you will be just as hollow because you ran from responsibility and ended up paying for it.

Instead, open your heart to the adventure that The Lord has for you. It is time to open your heart and say, "Sweet Abba, teach me. Walk with me through of all of this and keep my eyes wide with wonder as I look for You and as I look for me."

Jesus didn't always help people

"Give everything 110%!!!"
Sorry, dude.  That's crap.  We're all pie graphs.  I am only one pie.
Yeah, but Jesus was always helping people.  Always preaching, always healing.
Wrong again.
He was pie graph too.
No, wait.  He was God, right?  He had like a wedding cake graph!
Nope.
This is the beauty of God coming to us in Jesus.  He really lived inside the limitations that we all have as human beings.
If you're like me and you have a heart that wants to love, wants to reach out to others, wants to make a difference, then you probably have the same tendency: to do MORE.
We have two cars.  When we first got them, I knew nothing about taking care of them.  I learned that I had to actually follow the little sticker that the mechanic puts on the windshield that says at such-and-such mileage, you need to bring the car in for an oil change.

If you don't...the car starts wearing down and eventually you're either faced with more expensive repairs, or smacked with the reality of a car that is dead.

Jesus apparently knew this too.  After a lot of hard work with his buddies he says to them, "'Come away by yourselves, and we will go to a lonely place to get some rest.'"  Grant it, in Mark 6, they get interrupted and end up feeding lots of people, but my guess is that this was the exception, and that resting, was the usual practice.

His, and his friends', 'cars' needed an oil change.  If you're always serving and taking care of others, but never yourself, you're not doing anyone any favors.  You're just limiting your ability to help others either because you'll be burned out or in a sour mood.

One way my wife and I refresh our spiritual lives is that we do retreats occasionally.  This past weekend, we gave each other a few hours on our own to just spend time with Jesus.  For me that looks like reading a mix of books that are encouraging me spiritually, journaling a bit, working on my autobiography, and just doing some relaxed talking to the Lord.  My wife journals a ton, and has been studying a book in the Bible.  It looks differently for everyone.  Just do what connects you.

These times are so refreshing because we get to reconnect with the Lord, and often feel like He speaks to us in special ways.  It gives us the Spirit-fed battery power to head back into the fun, and work, of loving each other, our kids, and others that God has placed in our lives.

So, has following Jesus looked like a lot of hard work lately?  Consider finding a lonely place and spending a retreat this summer.

"I'll Show You" Reflections

This poem has a lot of word play, particularly, and ironically so, with the issue of words.  At its center the speaker of the poem is hit with “harsh words.”  Yet, he/she doesn’t just take it.  The speaker combats the harsh words with “my word.”  What is that?  I love this line: “My God is stronger than your words.”  While earlier it says, “You push and shove,” now it says “You push me down / But he catches my fall.” 

This is one of the coolest parts though.  The speaker has been aggressively pushed and shoved, but responds that “I’ll push and shove through all harsh words.”  Yet it doesn’t end there.  This fighter goes on to say “and show you all my God-given worth.”

When I was growing up, I developed the belief that my worth was based on how well I performed (in school, at keeping others happy, being the smiley one in our family, etc.).  I didn’t feel loved unless I

had done well.  Because of this, I learned to be a very nervous, worrisome kid. 

I began to see this about myself in college.  Before that, I just assumed that was how relationships worked.  A number of years ago I went on a retreat called Making Peace with Your Past.  During one exercise, I was brought in the middle of a room with about 15 other people on the retreat surrounding me.  They were told to tell me all those things that I believed about myself.  

They said things like,

“You don’t work hard enough.”

“That’s not good enough.”

“You always screw up.”

“If people really knew you, they’d leave.”

“You’re not really loved.”

Then the woman leading the conference, a counselor that I had gotten to know, told me that I needed to fight the old way of thinking.  I needed something to replace it with.  Just like David used to do in the Psalms when he said, “Why so downcast, O my soul? (old way of thinking) Put your hope in God (new way of thinking).”  So we did the exercise again, but this time I responded back.

“You don’t work hard enough.”

That’s a lie.

“That’s not good enough.”

It doesn’t matter.  I am holy and dearly loved.

“You always screw up.”

That’s a lie.

“If people really knew you, they’d leave.”

That’s a lie.  But even if they did, I am holy and dearly loved.

“You’re not really loved.”

I am holy and dearly loved.

The phrase is from Colossians 3:12.  I wrote it all over my stuff and I memorized it.  There was and is an incredible power, the most incredible in the world, in fully falling into the arms of truth: that you are holy, accepted, pure to your Savior, and that you are not just ‘loved’ in a generic sense, but “dearly” loved.  I knew I had to fight the aggressiveness of harsh words spoken to me in my past, harsh words spoken by my own mind, harsh words spoken by Satan, and harsh words spoken by people in my present life.  With true words, though, now I was ready to reprogram my mind. 

So, join me.  Let’s “push and shove” against the lies that want to tear us down.  We have, not just ‘worth,’ but “God-given worth.”  This is a relief to the heart and a weapon to the untruths that try to pierce it. 

Girl in the Dark

There were a few poems I got for a poetry assignment toward the end of the year that I thought had a lot of insight or power to them.  I'll be posting them in a little series and sharing some reflections in follow-up posts.  I think each of them taps into some of the emotional, spiritual, and relationship struggles people face as teenagers and also adults.

Here's an excerpt from the second one:

Girl in the Dark

I am the girl in the dark

Stuck in a dark, deep hole

I am the girl in the dark

Darkness enters my soul

I am the girl in the dark

My heart black as coal

I am the girl in the dark

My personality, bitter and cold

I am the girl in the dark

My heart cries for help

I am the girl in the dark

This is a living Hell