Now You See Me movie

My wife and I just watched Now You See Me.  What a great movie!  If you're looking for a fun and

suspenseful thriller check this one out about four professional magicians who are drawn together by a mysterious man in order to pull off the most incredible and money-garnering 'tricks' ever done on stage.

As I watched I was thinking about this reality: people like to dabble in faith and belief as long as it has to do with hokey stuff.  We get all tingly about "believing in what you can't see" when it has to do with hocus-pocus.

Why do we feel so much less interested when it's not dark, or when it's not a cute, old crystal ball-reading lady like in The Princess and the Frog?

I could be crabby and say what a lot of religious folk do: it's because we don't want the demands and expectations that come with believing in a God that expects things of us.  Maybe that's true.  I don't know.  Something tells me the above can't be said unless you're feeling nicely self-righteous and wagging your finger like a Pharisee.

Maybe, instead, we get more queasy about the unknown because it might mean that Someone knows us in our ins and outs, our public and private selves.  I'm not talking about the creepy 'He's watching you, so watch out' stuff (that sounds a bit too much like Santa Claus with fangs).  I mean the fear we all have of being truly known.  Honestly, we're afraid and ashamed of the real us.  If the unseen God is allowed to be real and allowed to know us truly, we'll have to deal with the sting of fear-fear that He will reject us, or be disgusted, or find us so much less than we ought to be.

Or...

what if He was...safe.  What if we could open up our guts to him like breaking a huge dam and letting out all the crap and laying it bare.  What if, instead of doing all that work to keep up the facade and hiding, we stopped and listened and heard God say, "Come to me, you who are weary and burdened, and I'll give you rest" (Matthew 11).

Allegiant: when relationships get tough

Tris and Tobias.  I like them so much more than Katniss, Peta, and Gale.  They have a great chemistry

 and, for the most part, they really seem to care about each other.

Then comes Allegiant.  Things get much dice-ier for them in this book.  That’s pretty realistic actually.  All long-term relationships eventually go through an arc.  At the beginning, things often are great.  Excitement, mystery, newness, all these things make us feel alive to life in a way we weren’t before. 

The myth is that this goes on forever.  The truth, however, is not that love is doomed to failure or boredom.  That too is a myth, although one that can, and often does, come sadly true for those who don’t realize the first myth. 

Tris and Tobias are no exception.  Like in real life relationships, the challenges of life hit them individually, like a barrage of baseballs, and it takes a toll first on them individually and then on their relationship. 

So far, I see a trend that continues to harm their connection when it could be an opportunity to draw them together:

They are very understanding of their own pain, but don’t sympathize with the other’s. 

Two examples.  Both Tobias and Tris go through genetic testing and discover that something is supposedly “wrong” with Tobias’ genes, but not Tris’.

Tris quickly comments, “It’s not that big a deal.”

Now I actually think she has a valid point here and that she’s trying to love and validate that “This doesn’t change anything.”

But here’s the problem, she doesn’t give Tobias a chance to simply struggle to his conclusion with her.  Tris dismisses the hurt he feels.  He then walks out to struggle on his own (and get lured to Nita).

Another example.  Tobias finds out that his father, for whom he has contempt, was not sentenced to execution, but to being banished.  Again Tris dismisses the effect this has on her boyfriend.  She outright says, “You can be upset about whatever you want….But…it doesn’t seem like there’s much to be upset about.”

And, like any good story, their chance to follow up the conversation is interrupted.

Relationships, friendship, family, or romantic, are blessings from Father.  Blessings must be held gently.  Heavy-handedness usually harms, not heals.  The beauty of Jesus was God coming into our world and fully experiencing the joy, pain, grief, fun, laughter, hurt, and death that we feel.  Hebrews 4 says, “We do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses.”

Tris is a great character, but we can learn from her mistakes.  Healthy relationships involve sympathizing with someone else’s weaknesses and feelings, even if they seem ridiculous from our perspective.  If you want to feel close to someone and, also if you want to see them move on from something, the first step is to ask, listen, and bear the feelings of the other person.

Dating Wisdom from an Alien

 It helps to know what the point of a relationship is.  It would help a lot with decisions.  Still, that can be so confusing.

Sometimes it helps to get some insight from an outsider. 

Aliens qualify, then, don’t they?

So, in class we’re reading this book called The Dark Side of Nowhere by Neal Shusterman.  The main character, Jason, discovers he’s the child of alien parents.  This causes some challenges for him, as you can guess, particularly in relation to his human girlfriend, who has no idea about it.  Anyway, the following paragraph lends some insight into Jason’s (the alien) understanding of dating:

“Every evening I saw Paula.  No matter how exhausted I felt, I would meet her at the mall or Banzai Burger or the batting cages—anyplace we could go to be together.  We would talk about pointless things, and that was okay, since important part was just talking.  Every once in a while she would start bringing up that picture of Billy Chambers, or the message written in that house in Old Town, or my glove, which I should never have shown her.  I would always find a smooth way of changing the subject, and she would let me.  It was nice to know that she was more interested in me than in the mystery.”

You know what this alien gets?  Dating is about boring stuff.  In fact, all relationships are about “wasting time” together, or in other words, laughing about silly things, talking about the day-to-day, sharing what’s on your mind, asking questions about each other, eating ice cream, walking dogs, and so on.

If you can’t do that with the person you’re dating, you may want to consider moving on. 

Here’s why: boring stuff is really personal.  And that’s what we’re doing in relationships: sharing the real me with the real you. 

The biggest outsider who showed me this is God.  He is intensely personal.  He’s not particularly looking for a nation to come to Him.  He’s looking for individuals, real honest people, to love and to know.  He’d like to waste time with you and for the two of you to get to know each other. 

When you’re in a relationship like that, whether with God or a human, then what is “boring” to someone else becomes really intriguing and fun, because you get to share that with each other.

Why I Loved to Hate Hazel

Have you ever loved something partly because it bothered you?  It's kind of like when you look back on a tough time in your life and recognize that, if you could go back, you wouldn't change it because you're different, in a very good way, because of that experience.

Both of my posts on The Fault in Our Stars have been negative.  Yet, the more I think about it, I think that alone is due to the fact that the book engaged me both on an entertainment level and on a soul level.  It hurt to see this young girl facing death in her own life, and in her beloved's, and having this hopeless outlook at the same time.

While I criticized Hazel's supposed 'honesty' about suffering, I applaud her desire to not accept silly answers.  And that is something I share with her.  I have never been content with cliche answers to life, death, and especially spiritual issues.

I noticed something that began happening in the last few pages of the book that also sweetened my heart.

After her boyfriend Augustus dies, Hazel is angry, yet her loss seems to make her long for more than her "oblivion is inevitable" approach.

First, she reflects on her dad's comments (mentioned in the last post):
"What we want is to be noticed by the universe, to have the universe give a shit what happens to us--not the collective idea of sentient life but each of us, as individuals."

She begins to feel that Something in the universe knows her, individually.  She goes on to say,
"I was thinking about the universe wanting to be noticed, and how I had to notice it as best I could.  I felt I owed a debt to the universe that only my attention could repay."  

In the last few pages of the book, Hazel, for the first time, mentions heaven in an affirmative manner.  Her mom, she discovers, has been taking courses so she can be a grief counselor for kids with cancer after Hazel dies.  Hazel is ecstatic and exclaims:

"This is so great.  If I'm dead, I want you to know I will be sighing at you from heaven every time you ask someone to share their feelings."

In similar fashion, for the first time she also speaks of God.  She has heard that there is a high divorce

rate for couples who lose a child to cancer.  Hazel wants to know if her mom and dad will make it.  Her dad says,
"Your mom and I love each other, and if we lose you, we'll go through it together."
"Swear to God,"  I said.
"I swear to God," he said.

In the end, the fact that I was so irritated with Hazel showed the greatness of a book that did not just entertain me, but pulled at and wrestled with my soul.  And for that, I am grateful to John Green the author, and also to Hazel.

"My Life Is a Joke" Reflections

These are some reflections on the poem “My Life Is a Joke.”  I don’t know if the author was writing out of personal experience or simply trying to express what others feel.  My thoughts are not directed at the original author at all, but to all of us.  In fact, I chose this poem because I feel that it taps into feelings that all of us have felt, whether others know it or not. 

“No one cares to ask.”  This is the crime of our time, or maybe of any time.  If there was one relationship skill I would teach to everyone, one life skill that trumps all others, I’d say it is this: the art of asking other people questions. 

I can’t tell you the number of times we’ve had people over for dinner at our house and were never asked a single question.  I’ve had friends who never pursue what I’m thinking, doing, feeling.  Most people just don’t ask.  I know people whose attitude is this, “Well, if they want to, they’ll tell me what’s going on.”  A lie.  People want to be asked.  Who wants to just jump into a conversation about the “demons trapped within” out of nowhere?

I’m not sure how I got used to asking questions, but somewhere along the line I learned it.  It may have been from some really good high school friends.  We liked to talk, do crazy things, hang out, go to haunted houses in October, laugh a lot, but we also did lots of talking.  I felt like I could really open up.  It was a lifeline for me.  We also all went to a Bible study where there was a time to share what was going on and have people pray for us.  Lots of us came primarily for this time. 

I have felt those “demons trapped within” as well.  They do feel like “monsters” inside me.  They can be routed out, though, often by simply talking.  We were made to live connected.  It is isolation that drives us insane.  The trouble in your teen years is that, for the first time, you are becoming aware of all the complexities of life and relationships like never before.  Yet, you may not have friendships that can talk on that level yet. 

What do you do?  Talk your guts out to your Friend, the Holy Spirit.  I love this line in Psalm 62, “Pour out your hearts before Him, because He is your refuge.”  Yet, I do believe the Father’s heart is for us also to need close human relationships.  You may need to take the risk to open up to a friend, a family member, a boyfriend or girlfriend, someone you look up to, a teacher, a youth pastor, or someone else. 

I know that you will fear being hurt or betrayed or feel like you’re annoying.  Certainly, you have to choose well.  If someone has a track record of hurting you, don’t trust them with your vulnerability.  If you're not sure, share some smaller things to see how they react.  Yet, most honest people feel truly honored when we open up to them.  There is something very special that happens when someone knows you trusted them enough to open up. 

I think you may find that it will be less painful than the “blood seeping from your skin.”  You will find that you are, indeed “wanted” and not “alone.”  You will see that dead dreams can be raised back to life and that your life is not, at all, even for a moment, a joke.

Teen Spirituality-Alison's Story

As I've been talking about 'teen spirituality' I came across this video made by one of my video production students.  The video has Alison sharing her story of dealing with an eating disorder and how her relationship with God has made a difference for her.  This is real-life, practical stuff.  Regardless of whether an eating disorder is what you struggle with or not it's cool to hear how a real-life teen has partnered with God to not just make it through the day, but to also look for ways to encourage others.

She would be the first to say that she is not perfect or done with struggles.  That is the kind of reality we all live in: we are works in progress.  The fancy word for that is being 'sanctified.'  I hope you are encouraged by the 'work in progress' that God is doing in Alison.

Married to God? Teen Spirituality Part 3

Tough conversations

I had another topic in mind for this post, but something else came up.  Last night Beth and I had a tense conversation.  As it deals with family I’ll leave out the details.  Needless to say my wife felt slighted by somethings done by relatives and I didn’t help the situation.  My immediate internal reaction was to defend myself and say she was being too sensitive, but I remember hearing from someone that when in a conflict don’t assume things about the other person-listen for their heart.

So, I worked hard to keep in my thoughts and just try to understand my wife’s heart and how this had hurt her.  I tried to communicate back that I understood how she felt that way and I apologized for my role in it. 

A little later we talked more about it and I explained my actions in the situation.  I didn’t try to defend myself, but just explain.  I also communicated that I would work on being different in those settings in the future.  I made a point to thank Beth for having the honesty to share what she did. 

I don’t like these kinds of conversations.  Who does?  Sometimes I’d rather avoid them.  But then I consider that this is the stuff of real relationships: facing the crud honestly…and together.

I think this applies to God too.  When I feel like He’s asking me to do something or change something, I want to try to hear His heart.  Instead of just reacting, I want to consider what is the bigger picture that the Lord has in mind?  When I read some story in the Bible, I am trying to ask: “What does this reflect about Your heart, Dad?”

But I also believe that our Abba wants our honesty too.  Abraham reasoned with God about the destruction of Sodom.  Jesus even argued with His Father about the cross when He prayed in the garden.  We are partners in life with the Lord.  Sometimes sharing life includes tough conversations. 

 Are there some tough conversations you need to have with your Abba?  Are you carrying around some pent up anger or disappointment with Him?  Are there things that you know the Spirit is encouraging you to do or change that you need to listen to His heart about?  It’s time for an honest talk.

I find that every time my wife and I go through a difficult time or discussion we always come out closer in the end because we work hard to be open, to be kind, and to listen.  God is that way to us and it’s a joy to be that way with Him.

Dips, Screw Ups, and Conflict

I little while back I pulled a blunder.  I made a situation worse than it needed to be.  I had a student
 that I liked a lot.  We’ll call him Steve for the sake of the story.  He went to a class late and told that teacher that I had excused him when I hadn’t.  That teacher then found me and asked if it was true.  Of course I said it wasn’t and I got ticked. 

I usually don’t get that way, but my emotions started rolling and I wanted to talk to Steve.  I sauntered into the classroom where he was and called him out on it in front of the whole class.  I thought he was just going to be like, “Yeah, sorry.”  Instead he got mad and said some stuff and then I said stupid stuff back including using the term “B.S.” (way to be an example, Mr. Maechner).  Then Steve got sent to the office and I huffed away to my room where I began to realize: you did something really stupid, Kurt. 

I should have talked to Steve in the hallway or somewhere more private.  Instead I embarrassed him in class and provoked him to say things that got him in trouble.  There was also so much I didn’t know, things I found out later, things that Steve was dealing with, issues that he was wrestling with, and here I come thinking I can play tough guy. 

Have you ever felt this way?  You thought you were going to show somebody up or thought you would help somebody out and then ended up screwing everything up. 

I live on a street that has been under construction for some time.  There is part of the road that hasn’t been open for months.  I finally drove down it yesterday to see what they were doing. 

On our this street there were several dips where the road would narrow so much that it was easy to side swipe another car.  They were finally fixing these and that’s good because it was so dangerous!  Yet, there’s something I’ll miss.  Over time, people who knew that stretch of road were in the habit of stopping before each dip to see if someone was coming.  Often people would flash their lights or wave their hand to let some else through before they went down.  And if you let someone else go they would usually wave a Thank You when they passed.

Those dips are a lot like the crap we all face in life.  We all find ourselves in the dangerous dips of life from time to time.  But, what’s interesting is how these situations often force us closer to others in a way that doesn’t happen when all the streets are level.

As I brooded in my room after seeing Steve escorted to the office, I felt the Spirit saying, “Kurt, you’ve got to talk to him.”  Shoot.  I didn’t want to do that.  I wanted to get out of that dip and keep going.  I’m busy.  I’ve got things to do.  But the Spirit was right.

I went to find Steve and I apologized for my stupid move.  I explained what I should have done and that I was really sorry that I put him in this position.  He explained some of the things he had been dealing with and that helped make some sense out of the choices he had made.

I knew that talking to Steve wasn’t enough either.  The Spirit encouraged me to talk to our vice principal.  I needed to tell him my role in what happened in hopes that he would go easy on Steve.  That was humbling and embarrassing, but worth it.

I can’t say it fixed everything, and sometimes I wonder if I should have done more, but choosing to face the dip with Steve a bit brought some healing for us.  I still really enjoy him, and while wish that the situation hadn’t happened, it helped me know him, even a small level, a bit better than I did before.

Maybe you’re facing or are in a dip.  Maybe one way to help you through it is to look at the relationships that are being affected in it.  How can you step toward the people around you instead of running away and creating distance?  Could there be some healing or closeness that could result that might not have occurred if the dip never existed?

I think this is behind Jesus’ recommendation in Matthew when he basically said, “If there is someone holding something against you, skip church (or synagogue in that time) and go fix things.”  Relationship is high on God’s priority list.  Let’s try to make it high on ours.

Oh, and they are fixing all those dips on our street.  It’s much safer, but I admit, I’ll miss the ‘Thank You’ waves from other drivers.

Heartbreak Hill

This is a little intermission from the "Three-Letter Word" series.  I will return to it soon.

I don't know about you, but I was really moved by Coach Januzzi's chapel today.  Wow.  I began to think, how do we respond to a message like that?  What does God want to do in your life because of what you heard? 

I'd say we could start by considering: what 'heartbreak hills' are you facing right now?  Do you have some cruddy relationship issues going on?  With a friend, a family member, a boyfriend or girlfriend?  Do you have an absense in your life that is really difficult?  Maybe you lost a relationship or there's one you wish you could have, but never seems to happen.  Are you struggling with feeling good enough, smart enough, talented enough to make someone happy with you?  Have you faced some injury or setbacks in your life recently?  Maybe you can't even name your 'hill', but you just feel like something is not right in your soul.

Whatever it is, thank God for it.  I don't mean "like it."  This kind of Thank You is one done in faith.  In essence, you're saying, "God, I don't know why this is happening to me, but thank You for what you CAN do through this to make me more of who You long for me to be."  Let us never think that every 'heartbreak hill' is from God on purpose.  But we can believe that He will USE all those hills for good.  Like Paul said to his friends in Rome "all things work together for good, to them that love God and are called according to his purpose."

Keep a heart of honesty with God about your struggles, just like Coach Januzzi did.  And with a humble heart begin to say, "God make me new and change me as You carry me through this.  I hate this situation, but help me see how I can learn, even from this."

I heard from God

When I was a freshman I had Mrs. Muth as my English teacher.  One day we walked into class in 100B (yep, the same room I teach in now!), and she announced that we were going to have a large pop quiz.  As you can guess, we were startled!  She passed out the quiz and we all began diligently working.  I set my determination to get the solid grade I was used to getting.  The quiz was lengthy and had numerous essay and short answer questions.  In the midst of my furious writing, I noticed something disturbing: people around me were beginning to get up and turn in the quiz!

I was floored!  How could they have finished already?  I wasn’t even halfway done!  I dug in my heels and continued to write until I got to the last question.  In the directions it said, “Good job.  You’ve been listening to my advice to read all the directions before starting a quiz or test.  Leave this quiz blank and turn it in.”  Duuuuhhh.

Oddly enough, don’t we feel this way when it comes to God too?  We feel like we’re working hard to make this relationship work, but it’s so confusing.  Yet, all the people that talk about it in class, chapel, youth group, or church seem to have it figured out.  They talk so confidently about hearing God, having Bible verses jump out at them, or seeing what God is doing in their life.  It’s like being in my quiz story.  Everyone around you seems to know something that you don’t.

Well, here’s the good news: unlike my story, they don’t know either.  Often they use terms and rhetoric to talk like they understand it all, but relating to God is weird.  I think we all just need to get honest about it.  Once we acknowledge that, we can truly begin to settle into this thing called a relationship with God. 

I can talk confidently about my relationship with my wife because we have a long history of working through life together.  Just like this, you too can find a steady connection with the Lord as you learn to relate to Him in a way that is specific to you and your personality, but it takes time and honesty.  I guess I just want us to give up the illusion that it’s really easy to figure out.  It’s not.  So, let’s start from reality and embrace the mystery.

What to Expect When You're Expecting

My wife and I watched What to Expect When You're Expecting the other day (We actually got it from Redbox instead of the library this time!).  We figured it would just be a fun flick, but it was actually really good and really funny.  There's this one group of dads who always walk in the park with their kids.  They always like to stop by and talk to this one dude who is totally buff (and, of course has no kids).  Everyone gives him a high five, but he always leaves one particular nerdy dad hanging.  It's really pretty funny. 

This got me to thinking how often we spend our days wanting to have everyone's approval.  Sometimes I feel like a politician.  When people ask politicians a question, the politician is not really thinking about the answer.  They're thinking about how to say things so people like them.  I know I spend a lot of my thoughts thinking about how to say things so people will see me a certain way.  I want to rather think about being who I really am and thinking about what other people really need. 

Unfortunately, being true to yourself, to others, and to our Father, opens up the reality that some people won't like us.  It's like Jesus said, "Don't be suprised when people hate you/persecute you because of me."  So, there's my challenge for you...and for me.

PS. As always, when I reference a movie it doesn't mean that I think everything in it is "appropriate."  Just sayin'.

It's good to doubt

I asked my first period class to come up with questions that they would like to ask God.  I had them write those down on a 3x5 card.  A few cards added something after their question.  It was something like "I'm not doubting You, but..."  I thought: it's actually good to express doubt.

When we're younger we live in a world dominated by child-authority relationships.  We learn to listen, obey, and respect.  Of course, as you mature your relationships change.  You learn to develop more intimate connections.  You develop friends where you share more personally.  You admit difficulties or feelings that bother you.  That's one thing that makes friendship what it is. 

Too often, many of us never enter friendship with God.  We remain in the stage of listening, obeying, and respecting.  But if you are a believer, Jesus calls you friends.  And friends can admit doubt.  Doubt is only a problem when it hides.  There it slowly erodes your heart and mind.  Instead, bring your doubt into the open.  Bring it even to God himself!  He's big enough to handle it and wants to be there for you and help you process it. 

So, don't be afraid to ask questions and don't be afraid to begin by bringing those questions to your Friend.