I've noticed an interesting mash-up during our debates as of late. Here is an argument I heard several times as we tried to analyze which characters in the stories we studied had the most pure love:Such-and-such character's love was more pure because there was no lust.
There are two problems I see here for the Christ-follower:
1. They are using the word "lust" incorrectly. They are using the word to mean "physical desire." Lust is not physical desire. I desire my wife physically, but that doesn't mean I lust after her. In the Christian use of the word, "lust" is to plot to lure someone into a sexual situation when that situation is morally wrong.
Admittedly, most of American society does not use the term in its biblical sense. They do see "lust" not necessarily as a bad thing, but as one's physical desire for another.
2. Regardless of the use of the term, the real problem with the argument is the implication that desiring someone physically inherently makes love impure.
But if love is accompanied by physical desire that is not only okay, but holy. The erotic love poem, "The Song of Solomon" in the Bible is evidence of God's joy in a man and a woman loving each other and desiring each other at the same time.
We are not just spirits. God has made us both spirit and body (Jesus came as both, not just a spirit, as well) and to have someone love and enjoy both is the fullness of love. In fact, that is the thing that only a marriage has. You do not love your friend's body, nor your relatives'. But you do love both your wife or husband's person and body.
The challenge is for the unmarried Christ-follower who is trying to keep the greatest body-love experience of lovemaking for marriage. It is a bit of a tight rope walk. You may be dating someone and honestly find yourself really drawn to not only their personality, but also their body. Your goal is to find ways to express that love in its right timing and in a way that respects your significant other's boundaries and comfort level.
Like a fire, physical desire can easily get out of control while dating, so you have to put up walls
The cool thing is that one of the most important symbols of Jesus' love for His people is the image of a bride and a groom (see Ephesians 5:28-33). That love in human terms is insanely personal and also saturated in physical desire for each other. God wasn't afraid of that comparison and seems to think it can represent pure love.
This is an awesome read. And I realized that I was misusing the word "lust" everyday for the past two weeks..
ReplyDeleteI used it incorrectly for most of my life too!
Delete-Nick Moore
ReplyDeleteI get how thinking about doing stuff with another person would be bad and of course; touching and being awkward. But, I don't get how flirting with someone would be adultery(Referring to 'Is it Lust?'). For this blog I do agree with most things that are said as in that you shouldn't only want someone for their body and for physical pleasure, I believe that it would somewhat make your relationship stronger by being attracted to their body but, also to their mind and personality. I also want to bring up that it states you should only show affection and attraction in ways that the other is comfortable with. So, does that mean that if your significant other is comfortable with doing more than just cuddling and kissing, that it would be fine to go further?(NOT sex). I do think that kids nowadays should wait to take the next step and 'do the deed' I think that the kids in our this generation need to learn that sexual intercourse is not the main thing in a relationship, so I'm technically agreeing and disagreeing with this blog(though I did enjoy it.) That is all.
ReplyDelete~The Great Amber...
Great points and questions. First, I agree that flirting doesn't have to be adultery. Flirting, in its most basic sense, is communicating indirectly with someone else that you find them attractive and, ideally, want to get to know them. Problematic flirting (that I would call 'lust') is when the intention of the flirting is to lure someone into a sexual situation that is immoral.
DeleteThe other question is about comfort level in terms of physical affection in a relationship. Using the word comfort is tough. If someone isn't comfortable with someone it makes it seem like they're silly or childish or afraid. My wife and I, when dating, were not necessarily 'uncomfortable' with the idea of sex, for example. Instead, we were committed to saving it until our wedding.
It's tough to define what is OK or not on the line between hugging/kissing and sex for a Christ-follower. The Bible doesn't lay out any specifics here. I prefer this verse, though, as a guide. Paul said, "Learn to find a wife in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust." That, to me, is all about control. "Passionate lust" is out of control. The "Holy and honorable way" is in control. You really have to ask yourself and the Holy Spirit (and maybe even people you trust) about what is the line for you when you might lose control and go further than you really want. Trust that God cares enough to fill you in and then follow that lead.