Friendship --> Dating Part 2

I mentioned in the last post the importance of really getting to know a person before you become an item, but that opened up a problem:

It’s hard to get to know someone of the opposite sex without people assuming you’re dating.  Plus, the other person may think you like them automatically just because you talk to them.  This leads to another issue: will the guy or girl get uncomfortable around you, then, because they think you like them?
 
So, let me preface my advice.  I’m older and married.  You can take that to mean I don’t understand.  But I do.  I was a teen too and I remember it.  The benefit I have now, though, is I have seen life on the other side of being a teenager and dating.  It’s like this: you, as a teen, are in the middle of a battle.  I’m in a plane now looking down at the whole war. 

To me, much of this comes down to

Risk.

All of the concerns I mentioned above are real and yes, you will feel them and they will at times hurt.  Largely, they deal with this: if you make a move toward someone of the opposite gender, people will assume things.  You will have to let that go. 

No, that is not easy whatsoever, but all the greatest things in life require you to go out on a limb BEFORE you know if the limb is perfect.  It’s a lot like faith.

If you’re a girl, for example, and you want to get to know a guy, or guys, you’re going to have to do somethings that others will point fingers at.  You’re going to have to make some first steps to talk or hangout with them or communicate with them.

You don’t even know if he’s right for you, right?  But you won’t know until you try these things.  Of course you can learn a lot about someone without ever talking to them.  If you know there are red flags already, don’t waste your time.  If he’s known for lewd jokes and messing around with girls, don’t try to get to know him in hopes that deep down he’s really a wonderful man…he isn’t, at least not at this point in his life.

So, will people think you like this person if you start talking to him in the Commons?  Probably.  What are you going to do?  Life has risks and so does love.  Of course, you don’t want to be known as a girl who flirts around all the time, so choose wisely.  Do your homework on a guy (find things out about him) before you decide he’s someone you want to make noticeable moves towards.

Is he going to act uncomfortable then?  Maybe.  If he ends up liking you, and you’re a good match, that will go away.  If he doesn’t like you, it probably won’t and you have to take the hint and back off.  I know that feels awful, but you don’t just walk into a car store and pick out the first model on the floor.  You have to throw a few wasted test drives in there usually.

As long as you’re interacting honorably with the guy or guys, then your reputation should have good standing.  What I mean is that you are communicating, having fun together.  Of course, there’s some flirting that will go on, but wait on that and when it feels right, let it be innocent and playful, not overt, aggressive, or suggestive.

Speaking to guys: All of this advice above is fine and dandy for girls, but I think nature, God really, made you to be the one to make these moves.  That doesn’t mean it’s wrong for a girl to do it, but I do think men have a courageous spirit in them that drives them to take risky action, especially to win a girl’s heart.  You don’t need to make these moves if you don’t want to.  But when you do, as the saying goes, “Just Do It.”  Be a man, in the classic sense.  Deal with rejection.  It’s your honor as a man to be that risk-taker and, trust me, girls will love you for it.  It shows them that you’re an honorable man with guts.  Again, it’s not easy, but it’s worth it.

All along here, I have assumed something, but some may not assume it.  The Father deeply wants to partner with you in your life, specifically your love life.  He wants to walk with you through the heartache and the joys, the pain and the pleasure.  He wants to hear your feelings and your frustrations.  Let him into this.  It is the Father’s good pleasure to be invited by you into your deepest feelings.

Ask him for wisdom.  Listen for His direction in your heart and mind.  Let him stir your feelings in directions and cool them in others.  Don’t fear Him.  Let Him love you.  Proverbs 3:5-6 puts it this way, “Seek the Lord with all your heart.  Don’t lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways, acknowledge him and he will direct your paths.” 

He longs to be a part of your life.

So...you are the ones in the trenches, though.  I'd love some feedback on what it's really like and if what I said makes sense there or not.  I don't have the definitive answers.  That's why conversation is good.  Share your reactions!