Girl in the Dark

There were a few poems I got for a poetry assignment toward the end of the year that I thought had a lot of insight or power to them.  I'll be posting them in a little series and sharing some reflections in follow-up posts.  I think each of them taps into some of the emotional, spiritual, and relationship struggles people face as teenagers and also adults.

Here's an excerpt from the second one:

Girl in the Dark

I am the girl in the dark

Stuck in a dark, deep hole

I am the girl in the dark

Darkness enters my soul

I am the girl in the dark

My heart black as coal

I am the girl in the dark

My personality, bitter and cold

I am the girl in the dark

My heart cries for help

I am the girl in the dark

This is a living Hell

"My Life Is a Joke" Reflections

These are some reflections on the poem “My Life Is a Joke.”  I don’t know if the author was writing out of personal experience or simply trying to express what others feel.  My thoughts are not directed at the original author at all, but to all of us.  In fact, I chose this poem because I feel that it taps into feelings that all of us have felt, whether others know it or not. 

“No one cares to ask.”  This is the crime of our time, or maybe of any time.  If there was one relationship skill I would teach to everyone, one life skill that trumps all others, I’d say it is this: the art of asking other people questions. 

I can’t tell you the number of times we’ve had people over for dinner at our house and were never asked a single question.  I’ve had friends who never pursue what I’m thinking, doing, feeling.  Most people just don’t ask.  I know people whose attitude is this, “Well, if they want to, they’ll tell me what’s going on.”  A lie.  People want to be asked.  Who wants to just jump into a conversation about the “demons trapped within” out of nowhere?

I’m not sure how I got used to asking questions, but somewhere along the line I learned it.  It may have been from some really good high school friends.  We liked to talk, do crazy things, hang out, go to haunted houses in October, laugh a lot, but we also did lots of talking.  I felt like I could really open up.  It was a lifeline for me.  We also all went to a Bible study where there was a time to share what was going on and have people pray for us.  Lots of us came primarily for this time. 

I have felt those “demons trapped within” as well.  They do feel like “monsters” inside me.  They can be routed out, though, often by simply talking.  We were made to live connected.  It is isolation that drives us insane.  The trouble in your teen years is that, for the first time, you are becoming aware of all the complexities of life and relationships like never before.  Yet, you may not have friendships that can talk on that level yet. 

What do you do?  Talk your guts out to your Friend, the Holy Spirit.  I love this line in Psalm 62, “Pour out your hearts before Him, because He is your refuge.”  Yet, I do believe the Father’s heart is for us also to need close human relationships.  You may need to take the risk to open up to a friend, a family member, a boyfriend or girlfriend, someone you look up to, a teacher, a youth pastor, or someone else. 

I know that you will fear being hurt or betrayed or feel like you’re annoying.  Certainly, you have to choose well.  If someone has a track record of hurting you, don’t trust them with your vulnerability.  If you're not sure, share some smaller things to see how they react.  Yet, most honest people feel truly honored when we open up to them.  There is something very special that happens when someone knows you trusted them enough to open up. 

I think you may find that it will be less painful than the “blood seeping from your skin.”  You will find that you are, indeed “wanted” and not “alone.”  You will see that dead dreams can be raised back to life and that your life is not, at all, even for a moment, a joke.

My Life Is a Joke

There were a few poems I got for a poetry assignment toward the end of the year that I thought had a lot of insight or power to them.  I'll be posting them in a little series and sharing some reflections in follow-up posts.  I think each of them taps into some of the emotional, spiritual, and relationship struggles people face as teenagers and also adults.

Here's the first.


"My Life Is a Joke"

My life is a joke

Forever unwanted

And

Forever alone

No one cares to ask

If I’m doing any better

The only problem is that

My monsters are inside me

My demons trapped within

They get to me and over take me to win

The only pleasure they get

Is the blood seeping from my skin

My life is a joke you see

Spread from lies

And dead dreams never to be seen.

New Blog-Check it Out

If any of you remember Alison Henry, who just graduated, I thought you might like to check out the blog that she just started at: http://www.whatthemirrorreveals.blogspot.com

I'm really excited about this!  Alison has such a great ability to be personal and insightful.  She's focusing her blog on issues of image and how girls deal with that.

So, check it out when you get a chance!

If you haven't seen it, check out Alison's video "Teen Spirituality-Alison's Story" under my May blog posts.

The Perks of Summer

Summer is here!!!  It’s amazing, isn’t it?  Today our church had a picnic and later we’re going to our neighbor’s 1^st birthday party cookout.  This is the beauty of summertime.

Before visions of endless hours of videogames or Crocker Park window shopping fill your head, I want to encourage you to see another opportunity.

This summer, you could be different.  What if you picked a goal about something you wanted to grow in spiritually?  You’ve got so much time available.  You could really do something.

Here’s some ideas:

-start spending a consistent time with the Lord

-read through a book about God from the library or bookstore or online

-write some poetry or song lyrics that connect you with the Lord or that would be an encouragement to others

-write a letter, message, or text to someone that the Spirit has encouraged you to write.

-spend time in a special place (a park, the Metroparks, etc.) with God.

-read a part of the Bible

-talk to a friend or family member about your relationship with Christ

-make a plan to work on an issue that has really held you back (anger, worry, fear, negative sarcasm, forgiveness issues, whatever) by journaling, talking with someone you respect, reading a book about it, finding help from online resources, doing a study of parts of the Bible that relate, etc.

-start finding a consistent time to just talk to your Abba and pray.

-take time to sing or make music to the Lord

-find an event related to a cause that you believe in and participate

-go on a mission or service trip

There are so many things you can do in a summer and still have plenty of time for lounging.  Wouldn’t it be cool to enter the school year again in August and feel like your spirit changed over the summer?

For me I am working on writing my life story.  I want to record my thoughts and how God has worked in my life so that I can one day give that to my kids.  I’m also working through some great books about God.  My wife and I are reading some books together.  Also, she and I are leading a marriage conference in June. 

When I think of that Perks of Being a Wallflower book I think of all the crummy choices a lot of the characters make.  They all come down to having a “today” mentality instead of a “future” mentality.  Instead, I want to live today in a way that tomorrow will be what I long for it to be.  I want to be working on stuff today that will make me the kind of person I want to be 2 years from now. 

…and I want to eat lots of ice cream with my kids and go on fun dates with my wife.  But, actually, that too is part of who I want to keep becoming.  I love that part of a letter that Paul wrote where he said the Lord, “who began a good work in you, will bring it to completion all the way to the Day of the Lord Jesus Christ.”

Perks 4.5: sexual abuse

One thing has continued to nag me about my previous post.  It’s about the Aunt Helen issue.  In the book, Charlie’s aunt, whom he likes very much, had actually molested him.  Charlie didn’t realize this until the end of the novel because he had subconsciously blocked it out. 

In my previous post I was acknowledging how Christ-like it was that Charlie could be harmed at such a deep level by his aunt and still find it in his heart to see her humanity and try to understand her. 

But this cannot be the whole story. 

I’ve known too many real life situations like this and simply forgiving and ‘understanding’ someone who takes advantage of someone sexually is not God’s full desire.  One of my wife’s closest friends was molested by a neighbor as a child.  Later, after she was raising her own family, she discovered that her father was touching her children in inappropriate ways while babysitting. 

I have known students at LW who were touched in ways they didn’t want while on a date.  Another one even got pregnant by her father and then had an abortion.  Yet, another one was lured into things by an admiring sports coach (not from LW).  Then, of course, there are countless students who deal with getting unwanted sexually-charged texts.

This is a real issue, and a serious one.  In the previous post I mentioned the woman caught in adultery.  It’s easy to think kindly of her because we all feel bad that she was on the verge of being stoned.  But let’s remember that she was in the process of wrecking two marriages, her own and the other man’s.  In addition, think of the pain that this would bring on the children each of them had as they eventually discovered the breakdown of their parents’ marriages.

This is why, after Jesus has compassion and protects her, he concludes by saying, “Go and sin no more.” 

In the situation of my wife’s friend, she has had to put limits on her father’s opportunity to see their kids.  When they are with them, they will not let her dad be with his grandchildren without being present. 

One of the students I mentioned earlier was the one with the courage to call out the man who took advantage of her.  He had done the same to many others, but one girl had to make the tough choice to do something.  She has had to deal with going to court and testifying against him.  But think of the many girls she has saved who would have been taken advantage of if she had never spoken. 

None of this part of the issue is really addressed in Perks, but I really felt the need to say, if you are or have been taken advantage of sexually (physically or verbally), find someone you trust and tell them.  It’s time to stop being hurt.