How to date and not lose your body

When I was a kid I used to cut a lot of lawns, one of which was for a lady in her 80s.  Each time I cut her lawn, however, she would stand at her screen door and watch me.  I always felt like she was making sure I was doing my job right.  I hated that feeling.

I have found that, in general, I don’t like when people watch me do things.  For example, I literally cannot type while someone is standing over my shoulder!

Yet, there are other kids, like some of mine, whose main way of feeling appreciated looks like this: “Dad, watch me.”  It’s crazy just how different people are.

The same is true of men and women.

There are a million ways that the sexes are different, but one of them is how they feel about their bodies.

When is the last time you heard a 110-pound guy ask if he looks fat?  Um…never.  Guess what?  Change the gender and the scenario is commonplace.  Guys are much more in tune with their own bodies, while girls almost feel detached from it.  This has a tone of implications, but let’s look at the issue of affection in dating.

Guys are most often the initiators in relationships.  They ask the girl to a dance, or to go out.  They also tend to lead physically.  They will be the ones, typically, who decide to put their arm around their girlfriend or to go in for the kiss.  Some of this is society.  We assume this is the guy’s job.  Some of it is God-designed.  We are very physically driven. 

Girls, on the other hand, are naturally more modest and reserved physically.  It doesn’t mean that she doesn’t like a guy’s touch, but she doesn’t want to be manhandled, nor does she want things to move too fast.  This is hard for guys to comprehend.  Because physicality is instinctive to them, they figure girls are the same.

So, what do you do about this? 

Fire can burn down a house, or…you can build a fireplace and let it bring warmth.  Physical desire

needs parameters so it can serve a relationship instead of torching it.  For both guys and girls, take some time to design your fireplace.  You can do this whether you’re dating nor not.  Think through what your limits are.  How far is too far for you? 

Don’t listen to the crap you hear around you in movies or from friends.  Think it through for yourself.  What is okay and not okay?  Where is the line for you?  What parts do want to make sure no one touches.  Sounds weird, right?  But if you don’t think about it now, when the heat of a moment comes, you won’t have a road map to follow. 

It may also be good to consider what situations you would want to avoid so that you don’t find yourself compromising those limits.  For example, maybe you have a great basement rec room with a TV.  Being alone down there with a significant other on a Friday night could be a volatile setting. 

Here’s the most awkward of all.  If you get serious in a relationship, I would challenge you to have a conversation about physical limits.  Yes, it’s completely awkward!!!  But when I had this conversation with Beth when we were dating, we both felt respected and felt like we were on the same page because we knew each other’s limits.  By the way, guys, I challenge you to be the gutsy one and bring the subject up first.  Let your girl know that you care enough about her to do this.

There is a mystery to the dance of men and women and this is not to steal from the fun of that mystery.  God cares deeply about that dance and how it will play out in your life.  Paul said in 1 Thessalonians 4:4-5, “Learn to find a wife in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like those who don’t know God.”  To me the differentiation he is making is a matter of control.  Holy and honorable respects the other person, treats them like a princess or prince-with dignity and adoration.  Passionate lust treats the other as an object to be used where it’s okay to ignore their interests. 

So, enjoy figuring out the opposite sex.  It’s nerve-wracking and fascinating at the same time!