I Don't Want to be Jesus

I was about eleven when I walked into a Kmart with my mom and committed my crime.  I saw it: a Transformer toy of a robot that changed into a cassette.   I tore it out of the package when my mom was in another aisle and shoved it into my pocket.  After we exited the store I convinced my mom that I found it near the parking lot.  Apparently, Transformers were worth breaking the law in my eleven-year-old mind!

I grew up playing with Transformers and watching the cartoon.  Robots that changed into everyday machines so they could disguise themselves were awesome!

I used to think God wanted us to be Transformers too.  Once He got ahold of our lives I was told He would transform me to be like Him.  People would say things like, “I don’t want people to see me; I want them to see Jesus,” or before speaking in church or chapel they would pray, “Let these be Your words, not mine.”  

I guess God didn’t really care for me.  I was just in the way.  If He could just morph me into Him the world would be changed! 

I get what these phrases mean, but they give a wrong impression.  I’m thinking Father designed you very specifically, and He’s not interested in pushing that in the background so that you can be another  
assembly line Jesus action figure.

No.  In you there dwells the glory and beauty of who you were lovingly formed to be. 

So, I don’t want to be Jesus.  I want to be the me that Jesus designed.

But, we all know that it is sometimes hard to let that shine.  There are so many things working against us.  We want to be self-absorbed, impatient, jerky, smart-alecy, self-serving hoarders. 

But that’s not the real you. 

Father draws out the real you.  The real you in all its glory.  The you that wants to love, to bless, to take risks, to make people laugh, to touch a life, to be adventurous, to make an impact, to be kind, to stand up to evil, to be awesome at something. 

That you can be covered over by the false you, the you that you wear to protect yourself or to help you fit in.  No.  That’s not the fullness of you that Father delights in.

Over the years since I first let myself follow Jesus, I have transformed, but I see that I didn’t become less me.  I have been coming into the fullness of who that Designer had in mind.  And I know that I am exactly who I am because the Kurt version of Jesus in the world is one that only I can offer.