Being a "Man"

Back in 2010 I went to get some counseling for some recurring issues of anxiety, but I got much more than I expected.  My counselor helped me see that in the early part of my relationship with the Lord I began to reject a lot of masculine things.  Here’s a section of my journal when I explored this:

Starting in junior high I began to want to be different from the men in my life.  This intensified in high school when I started to walk with the Lord.  I prided myself on being sensitive to other’s needs and concerns.  I wanted to communicate about emotions.  I wanted to help people.  Several men in my family were people who didn’t mind bothering people or doing things that I thought were inconsiderate.  I also separated from things I thought sinful.  I rejected the ‘guy’ culture.  I didn’t want to make sexual jokes, I didn’t want to size up women, etc.  I also didn’t want to be pushy and aggressive.  These were things I associated with certain jerky men/guys and sin.

Certainly, there was some good in this.  For one, I learned to respect girls.  Also, I developed a sensitive heart that I think God has made one of my unique traits that He uses a lot. 

But here’s an area that wasn’t good: I assumed that it was more godly to not be assertive, that it was more holy to give way to others.  I didn’t want to be pushy, so I chose to be passive, to let others make most decisions for me. 

My counselor pointed out that when Eve ate the apple in the Garden of Eden, Adam did…nothing.  He didn’t make a choice.  He just followed.  He should have done something, even if it was wrong.  Instead, he was passive.

We’re all called to this to some degree, whether guy or girl, but men, in particular, are wired to be “men.”  That means that we stand up, make choices, step into the unknown, face fear, and, heck, even screw up while doing it, but we make choices. 

The Scriptures are very clear that Jesus didn’t let His life get taken.  It very specifically says He laid down His life of His own accord. 

I am trying to reclaim my assertiveness.  For you guys in your teens it’s hard to be decisive.  Remember, it will look differently for each of us, but I encourage you to make it your motto, as I am, to “do something, instead of nothing” and to “choose courage, instead of cowardice.” 

If a guy can do this, while still being gentle and tender to the women in his life, girls love this.  But if a guy is passive, a girl will step in and run the show…and she will resent it.